Ham: It was very nice meeting all of you.
Rose: Same here. I hope we get to see more of you.
Dorothy: [covering Sophia's mouth] Don't even bother.

Blanche: There's only one thing for me to do. I'm going to call him up, and tomorrow I'm going out with that man again. I don't care what amount of seducing it takes, but as God is my witness, I am not returning to this house until he has begged, beseeched and pleaded with me to go to bed with him.
Sophia: You know, that was the original ending to Gone with the Wind.

Sophia: I'll see your quarter and I'll raise you a quarter. By the way, Rose, your shoe is untied.
Rose: [laughing] I'm too smart for you, Sophia. You're not going to distract me this time. Besides, I'm wearing pumps.
Sophia: Your pump is untied.
Rose: Oh, thanks.

Rose: I think we ought to call the authorities.
Dorothy: Rose, there is no such thing as a UFO.
Rose: They were probably looking for someone to bring up to the ship.
Dorothy: Fine, you stay out here. Flag them down if they fly by again. I'll go inside and pack a bag.
Rose: But I wanna be the one to go.
Dorothy: Whose bag do you think I'm gonna pack?

Dorothy: Rose, what are you doing?
Rose: I'm trying to lure that UFO back with a flashlight and a pie pan. I read an article once in the St. Olaf Time that said this is the best way to do it.
Dorothy: What's the St. Olaf Time?
Rose: Well, it's 7:15 here. You subtract an hour...
Dorothy: Forget it! Forget it.

Rose: What are you doing, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Oh looking at the stars. Pondering the universe.
Rose: I've been doing the same thing, thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens. Maybe it'd be just like Cocoon and they'd take us away and we'd never grow old.
Dorothy: See, I don't know. I like my life. I mean, I'm not president or anything. I'm just a teacher. A substitute teacher. A divorced substitute teacher, who can't even afford her own place to live. Beam me up!

Rose: "Beam me up"? Dorothy, you believe?
Dorothy: Rose, they checked out what we saw, and it actually was a UFO.
Rose: Dorothy, where are you going? We might miss the aliens.
Dorothy: That would be fine with me.
Rose: Dorothy, why are you talking that way? I think it's wonderful that there are other beings out there trying to meet us. They might have solutions to all our problems, cures for our diseases, new story lines for ALF.

Blanche: Well, I can give you something to talk about - my date tonight. Which turned out to be the most humiliating evening I've ever spent.
Sophia: So, what are we talking about?
Rose: Blanche's date.
Blanche: He turned me down, again. I'm just devastated.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche, you said yourself you didn't find him that attractive anymore.
Blanche: That's not the point. The point is, to Blanche Devereaux, sexuality and attractiveness are very important. They are Blanche Devereaux. It just tortures me to know that there's one man out there, one on the face of God's green earth, that I cannot have. Especially if he's fat and bald!

Ham: Well, the reason is, we've been getting along so well as friends lately that I didn't want us to have another night like that night we had in college.
Blanche: In college? What are you talking about?
Ham: That night. The spring jamboree out at Grady's Motor Lodge?
Blanche: Grady's Motor Lodge? I never went to Grady's with you.
Ham: Sure you did. I'll never forget it. You had your hair in braids, you wore a pink bathrobe-
Blanche: Pink, with a little lace trim?
Ham: Yes.
Blanche: And matching slippers?
Ham: Yes.
Blanche: Ham! That wasn't me, that was my sister Virginia.
Ham: You're ki- That was Virginia? How could I forget that? That was the worst night I've ever spent in bed with a woman in my life!
Blanche: Wait a minute, Ham. Are you saying the only reason you've kept turning me down is because of the bad time you had that night? Yes.
Ham: Oh, well, Blanche, this changes everything. Does all that stuff you said in the restaurant still go?
Blanche: I don't think so, Ham. The moment has passed. We could never recapture it.
Ham: Blanche, that was just 20 minutes ago.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Ham, but you were just a plaything in my game of sexual conquest. I was gonna use you.
Ham: Use me, use me.
Blanche: Good-bye, Ham. If you leave now, we can still have our memories.
Ham: I'll trade all my memories for a quickie.
Blanche: Beat it, tubbo.

Blanche: I just got off the phone with Ham Lushbough, the most charming, most intelligent, most gorgeous, most sexy man on the face of this entire planet. We went to college together. Look, there's his picture.
Dorothy: Wow! He sure is handsome. What did he have to say?
Blanche: Oh, that he's in town on business and that he's single again and that he'd love to be my date for the museum ball Saturday night.
Dorothy: The museum ball? Didn't Roger Clark postpone his kidney transplant to be your date?
Blanche: What's your point?