Sophia: I wouldn't be so sure if I were Blanche. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be. Like me and Fabrizio Ribeno. We were on the verge of a passionate love affair when Destiny intervened.
Dorothy: Don't tell me. His wife, Destiny Ribeno?
Sophia: Right. Boy, did she have a temper. She dragged him away by the hair on his back, smashed his skull with a ravioli crank, and threw his limp body in the river. That's a Sicily you don't see on postcards.

Dorothy: You know, sometimes people can lose their looks.
Sophia: Not in Sicily. In Sicily, if you're born beautiful, you stay beautiful. The whole town sees to it. They check up on you, they encourage you, they never let you slip. That's why we were so happy when Dorothy was born.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Who needed all those people bothering us all the time!

Rose: You know something, Dorothy? You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to, but underneath it all you believe in them, don't you? You did from the very beginning. Oh, I'm glad. It's more fun. It's like with Santa Claus. The best Christmas we ever had was when all eight of my brothers and sisters, from Lily to Michael, all still believed. That must be ten years ago now.

Blanche: Well, Dorothy, you have no idea how my sister Virginia and I used to chase after this boy. Well, everybody did. He had it all: football star, champion debater, class valedictorian.
Dorothy: How long did you and he date?
Blanche: Well, we didn't. But it wasn't 'cause I didn't try. Uh, I can still remember the night of the big rally before the homecoming game. Oh, there stood Ham, just handsome as ever. I walked over to him and asked him the one question that had been burning on my tongue for the last four years: "Ham, think you might like a little company tonight?" You know what he said? "Maybe some other time, Blanche." Can you believe that? "Maybe some other time"!
Dorothy: Blanche, that doesn't seem so mean.
Blanche: He had the band spell it out on the field. And, Dorothy, to this day, Ham Lushbough remains the one man in my entire life I could not conquer. The one! But come Saturday night I have a feeling my record's gonna be intact again.

Blanche: You will forgive me if this champagne has a little effect on me, Ham. Sometimes just having it setting on the table sets my heart to racing. Oh! Feel. Lower. It's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there, pounding, pounding and burning, yearning and lusting, just crying out to be released. [champagne bottle pops] I've never said this to another man, but I feel a heat between us, kind of a flame crackling and hissing. I want you to put that flame out, Ham. I want you to pluck me like a fruit, and wash me off in your kisses, and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh. [the waiter downs a glass] Let me make you happy, Ham. All I need to know is that you want me as much as I want you.
Ham: Maybe some other time, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, that does it! I will not let you humiliate me any longer. You may not want me, Ham Lushbough, but I can promise you somewhere on this planet I will find some man who does!
[As Blanche storms out of the restaurant, a number of male staff members follow after her. A man who was dining with a woman joins them.]

Blanche: Girls! Girls, look. How do I look?
Rose: Great, Blanche.
Blanche: Great? Or gorgeous?
Rose: Gorgeous.
Blanche: Well, what about sexy?
Rose: Yes.
Blanche: Enticing?
Dorothy: I'll handle this. Blanche, no woman ever looked better than you look right now, and no one ever will.
Blanche: Thank you, Dorothy. Honestly, Rose, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get a little compliment out of you.

Rose: Did you see that, Dorothy? It was a UFO!
Dorothy: Rose, don't be ridiculous. It was a plane. Deal, come on.
Rose: Planes don't fly over residential neighborhoods.
Dorothy: Neither do UFOs. They only fly over empty fields in Kentucky, where fat guys in overalls named Cooley have just run out of gas.

Blanche: [delighted squealing]
Dorothy: Blanche, are you in a good mood?
Blanche: Dorothy, you always could see right through me.
Sophia: Keep it up with those Chips Ahoy! and Superman couldn't see right through you.

Blanche: Ham Lushbough. Just look at you!
Sophia: What else can we look at? The man's covering half the pictures on our wall.

Rose: So, what exactly is "Ham" short for, Ham?
Sophia: My guess would be ham and potatoes.