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‘The One That Got Away’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: The One That Got Away

403. The One That Got Away

Aired October 29, 1988

Blanche is delighted when the only man to ever get away from her advances comes to town. Meanwhile, Rose and Dorothy see a strange object in the sky.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I wouldn't be so sure if I were Blanche. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be. Like me and Fabrizio Ribeno. We were on the verge of a passionate love affair when Destiny intervened.
Dorothy: Don't tell me. His wife, Destiny Ribeno?
Sophia: Right. Boy, did she have a temper. She dragged him away by the hair on his back, smashed his skull with a ravioli crank, and threw his limp body in the river. That's a Sicily you don't see on postcards.

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Quote from Rose

Rose: You know something, Dorothy? You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to, but underneath it all you believe in them, don't you? You did from the very beginning. Oh, I'm glad. It's more fun. It's like with Santa Claus. The best Christmas we ever had was when all eight of my brothers and sisters, from Lily to Michael, all still believed. That must be ten years ago now.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: You know, sometimes people can lose their looks.
Sophia: Not in Sicily. In Sicily, if you're born beautiful, you stay beautiful. The whole town sees to it. They check up on you, they encourage you, they never let you slip. That's why we were so happy when Dorothy was born.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Who needed all those people bothering us all the time!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, Dorothy, you have no idea how my sister Virginia and I used to chase after this boy. Well, everybody did. He had it all: football star, champion debater, class valedictorian.
Dorothy: How long did you and he date?
Blanche: Well, we didn't. But it wasn't 'cause I didn't try. Uh, I can still remember the night of the big rally before the homecoming game. Oh, there stood Ham, just handsome as ever. I walked over to him and asked him the one question that had been burning on my tongue for the last four years: "Ham, think you might like a little company tonight?" You know what he said? "Maybe some other time, Blanche." Can you believe that? "Maybe some other time"!
Dorothy: Blanche, that doesn't seem so mean.
Blanche: He had the band spell it out on the field. And, Dorothy, to this day, Ham Lushbough remains the one man in my entire life I could not conquer. The one! But come Saturday night I have a feeling my record's gonna be intact again.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: You will forgive me if this champagne has a little effect on me, Ham. Sometimes just having it setting on the table sets my heart to racing. Oh! Feel. Lower. It's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there, pounding, pounding and burning, yearning and lusting, just crying out to be released. [champagne bottle pops] I've never said this to another man, but I feel a heat between us, kind of a flame crackling and hissing. I want you to put that flame out, Ham. I want you to pluck me like a fruit, and wash me off in your kisses, and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh. [the waiter downs a glass] Let me make you happy, Ham. All I need to know is that you want me as much as I want you.
Ham: Maybe some other time, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, that does it! I will not let you humiliate me any longer. You may not want me, Ham Lushbough, but I can promise you somewhere on this planet I will find some man who does!
[As Blanche storms out of the restaurant, a number of male staff members follow after her. A man who was dining with a woman joins them.]

Quote from Rose

Sophia: I'll see your quarter and I'll raise you a quarter. By the way, Rose, your shoe is untied.
Rose: [laughing] I'm too smart for you, Sophia. You're not going to distract me this time. Besides, I'm wearing pumps.
Sophia: Your pump is untied.
Rose: Oh, thanks.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Did you see that, Dorothy? It was a UFO!
Dorothy: Rose, don't be ridiculous. It was a plane. Deal, come on.
Rose: Planes don't fly over residential neighborhoods.
Dorothy: Neither do UFOs. They only fly over empty fields in Kentucky, where fat guys in overalls named Cooley have just run out of gas.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I think we ought to call the authorities.
Dorothy: Rose, there is no such thing as a UFO.
Rose: They were probably looking for someone to bring up to the ship.
Dorothy: Fine, you stay out here. Flag them down if they fly by again. I'll go inside and pack a bag.
Rose: But I wanna be the one to go.
Dorothy: Whose bag do you think I'm gonna pack?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: [delighted squealing]
Dorothy: Blanche, are you in a good mood?
Blanche: Dorothy, you always could see right through me.
Sophia: Keep it up with those Chips Ahoy! and Superman couldn't see right through you.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Rose, what are you doing?
Rose: I'm trying to lure that UFO back with a flashlight and a pie pan. I read an article once in the St. Olaf Time that said this is the best way to do it.
Dorothy: What's the St. Olaf Time?
Rose: Well, it's 7:15 here. You subtract an hour...
Dorothy: Forget it! Forget it.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Girls! Girls, look. How do I look?
Rose: Great, Blanche.
Blanche: Great? Or gorgeous?
Rose: Gorgeous.
Blanche: Well, what about sexy?
Rose: Yes.
Blanche: Enticing?
Dorothy: I'll handle this. Blanche, no woman ever looked better than you look right now, and no one ever will.
Blanche: Thank you, Dorothy. Honestly, Rose, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get a little compliment out of you.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Ham Lushbough. Just look at you!
Sophia: What else can we look at? The man's covering half the pictures on our wall.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: So, what exactly is "Ham" short for, Ham?
Sophia: My guess would be ham and potatoes.

Quote from Dorothy

Ham: It was very nice meeting all of you.
Rose: Same here. I hope we get to see more of you.
Dorothy: [covering Sophia's mouth] Don't even bother.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: What are you doing, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Oh looking at the stars. Pondering the universe.
Rose: I've been doing the same thing, thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens. Maybe it'd be just like Cocoon and they'd take us away and we'd never grow old.
Dorothy: See, I don't know. I like my life. I mean, I'm not president or anything. I'm just a teacher. A substitute teacher. A divorced substitute teacher, who can't even afford her own place to live. Beam me up!

Quote from Rose

Rose: "Beam me up"? Dorothy, you believe?
Dorothy: Rose, they checked out what we saw, and it actually was a UFO.
Rose: Dorothy, where are you going? We might miss the aliens.
Dorothy: That would be fine with me.
Rose: Dorothy, why are you talking that way? I think it's wonderful that there are other beings out there trying to meet us. They might have solutions to all our problems, cures for our diseases, new story lines for ALF.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I can give you something to talk about - my date tonight. Which turned out to be the most humiliating evening I've ever spent.
Sophia: So, what are we talking about?
Rose: Blanche's date.
Blanche: He turned me down, again. I'm just devastated.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche, you said yourself you didn't find him that attractive anymore.
Blanche: That's not the point. The point is, to Blanche Devereaux, sexuality and attractiveness are very important. They are Blanche Devereaux. It just tortures me to know that there's one man out there, one on the face of God's green earth, that I cannot have. Especially if he's fat and bald!

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: There's only one thing for me to do. I'm going to call him up, and tomorrow I'm going out with that man again. I don't care what amount of seducing it takes, but as God is my witness, I am not returning to this house until he has begged, beseeched and pleaded with me to go to bed with him.
Sophia: You know, that was the original ending to Gone with the Wind.

Quote from Blanche

Ham: Well, the reason is, we've been getting along so well as friends lately that I didn't want us to have another night like that night we had in college.
Blanche: In college? What are you talking about?
Ham: That night. The spring jamboree out at Grady's Motor Lodge?
Blanche: Grady's Motor Lodge? I never went to Grady's with you.
Ham: Sure you did. I'll never forget it. You had your hair in braids, you wore a pink bathrobe-
Blanche: Pink, with a little lace trim?
Ham: Yes.
Blanche: And matching slippers?
Ham: Yes.
Blanche: Ham! That wasn't me, that was my sister Virginia.
Ham: You're ki- That was Virginia? How could I forget that? That was the worst night I've ever spent in bed with a woman in my life!
Blanche: Wait a minute, Ham. Are you saying the only reason you've kept turning me down is because of the bad time you had that night? Yes.
Ham: Oh, well, Blanche, this changes everything. Does all that stuff you said in the restaurant still go?
Blanche: I don't think so, Ham. The moment has passed. We could never recapture it.
Ham: Blanche, that was just 20 minutes ago.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Ham, but you were just a plaything in my game of sexual conquest. I was gonna use you.
Ham: Use me, use me.
Blanche: Good-bye, Ham. If you leave now, we can still have our memories.
Ham: I'll trade all my memories for a quickie.
Blanche: Beat it, tubbo.


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