Stan: Hey, so I didn't make the cover of Fortune. I was just trying to do something to make things better for us. All our friends were moving up, and we were stuck with a one-way ticket to Palookaville. I wanted to be someone, babe. I wanted to be a contender.
Dorothy: Stanley, did you just rent On the Waterfront?
Stan: You know me so well.

Mr. Murray: Good afternoon. My name is Wendell Murray. I'll be conducting your audit today.
Dorothy: Nice to meet you. I'm Dorothy Zbornak. This is my ex-husband, Stanley.
Stan: Wendell. [removing his wig] Paisan.
Dorothy: We're going to jail.
Mr. Murray: What did you call me?
Dorothy: Before he answers that, let me reiterate, we are bitterly divorced.
Stan: Relax, Dorothy. Wendell, I called you "paisan." Friend, brother of the scalp. Because if I may get philosophical for just one moment, I've always believed we bald men are like any other minority. That's why we have to stick together.
Mr. Murray: Who you calling bald?
Dorothy: Nobody, nobody. Just shut up and put your hair on.

Mr. Murray: You know, folks, I've been at this job almost four years now, and in that short time I can honestly say I have never seen such an inept, clumsy, downright stupid attempt to avoid paying income tax.
Stan: Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.
Mr. Murray: I can also honestly say that I'm amazed the way this lays out, you only owe the government a small amount.
Dorothy: You're kidding.
Mr. Murray: No. $5000.
Dorothy: $5000! We don't have that kind of money.
Mr. Murray: Uncle Sam doesn't like to hear that.
Dorothy: Aunt Dorothy doesn't enjoy saying it.

Sophia: Does anyone around here ever go to bed?
Dorothy: I can't sleep, Ma. I can't work, I can't eat. All I can do is think about how I'm gonna raise the rest of that 2500 bucks.
Sophia: I wish I had it, pussycat.
Dorothy: Oh, I know, Ma. If you had it, you'd give it to me.
Sophia: Don't put words in my mouth. I said, "I wish I had it."

Rose: I've put away a little money, Dorothy. It's not nearly enough, but you're welcome to it.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose.
Blanche: Well, I could lend you a couple of hundred. I'd planned on putting it toward my cruise to the Bahamas, but what the heck?
Dorothy: Oh, thank you, girls.
Blanche: I'll just buy a couple of Harry Belafonte tapes.
Dorothy: I really appreciate this.
Blanche: And limbo under the clothesline.
Dorothy: But I can't accept it.
Blanche: Okay.

Dorothy: You know, I can't believe this is happening. I was so careful about my finances all my life. I thought that by now I'd have some sort of security. And here I am, flat broke.
Rose: I know what you mean. I never dreamt I'd be single and working at this age.
Blanche: I never dreamt I'd be this age.

Blanche: Now girls, listen. Listen. Remember, the way to make a deal is we state our price, stick to our guns, and undo another button on our blouses.
Dorothy: Blanche, that is ridiculous. Unbuttoning my blouse is not gonna get us a better deal.
Blanche: You are absolutely right. Don't touch yours. Rose and I will unbutton ours.

Mr. Escobar: Buenos días señoritas. [Good morning ladies]
Blanche: Hi.
Rose: ¿Buenos días cómo estás? Queremos todo tu dinero. [Good morning how are you? We want all your money.]
Mr. Escobar: Please, don't hurt me, just take my money.
Rose: I'm sorry. I think I got my verbs mixed up.

Dorothy: So, uh, how much will you give me?
Mr. Escobar: $100 for everything.
Dorothy: Oh.
Blanche: Wait a minute. Sir! I am shocked at your insensitivity. May I point out to you that this is no ordinary pitcher? This pitcher was carried thousands of miles across the ocean by her great-great-grandmother. A woman who came to this country in search of a better life, as have done millions of immigrants throughout history. Why, this pitcher is a symbol of freedom. This pitcher is a symbol of liberty. This pitcher was made in Taiwan. Well! Maybe they stopped off at the Ellis Island gift shop. The point is, this pitcher is worth a considerable amount of money.
Mr. Murray: Lady, that story is worth more than the pitcher.

Dorothy: What are you two doing here? I thought you had Spanish class.
Rose: We do but we're not going. We dropped out.
Dorothy: Well, what about your promotion at the counseling center?
Rose: Oh, I can just forget about that. Norwegians are notoriously bad at Spanish.
Dorothy: I guess that's why there are no herring tacos.