TV Quotes

Gil Kessler: Well, I'd better skedaddle. You know, my wife is out of town. I'm going to be up half the night trying to pick out a tie-sock-hankie combo.
Dorothy: This is just the behind-the-scenes excitement I was hoping to be part of.

Dorothy: Rose, Blanche is that little floozy.
Rose: You- You mean-
Sophia: She's at the 50.
Rose: You think she-
Sophia: The 40. The 30.
Rose: [gasps] Blanche, it's you!
Blanche: Oh, you're getting so good at that, Rose. Now who's that over there?

Blanche: Gil's press conference is about to start.
Rose: Gosh, I'm nervous. I hope they're not too hard on him.
Dorothy: I wouldn't be too sure. Look at all those reporters.
Blanche: Yeah, there's Charlie Thompson. And Fred Leone, and Mike Devlin. I had lunch at the press club once.
Rose: Only once? Gosh, it took me two years to learn everybody's name on Eight is Enough.

Gil Kessler: Good afternoon. I'm here to respond to the media speculation that I am having an affair with an unidentified woman. I have been the subject of many scurrilous, slanderous and downright malicious rumors in my career. But this rumor is the worst kind of rumor. This is... a true rumor. It actually happened just like you said.
Blanche: Well, not with me, it didn't.
Female Reporter: Mr. Kessler, who was the woman?
Gil Kessler: Well, I can't reveal her identity under any circumstances.
Male Reporter: Independent sources have already identified the woman as Blanche Devereaux.
Gil Kessler: Oh, please. What sources?
[All the male reporters raise their hands]
Gil Kessler: Sorry, Blanche.

Blanche: Dorothy, Rose? Talk to me. You girls have got to believe me.
Rose: We believed you once, Blanche. We're not falling for it again.
Blanche: Falling for what? I told you the truth.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, come off it. You really expect us to believe that Gil was lying on television in front of a million people?
Blanche: People lie on television, Dorothy. They do it on 60 Minutes all the time.

Dorothy: He's a married man running for election. Why would he say he had an affair if he hadn't?
Blanche: I'm sure I don't know. And I also don't know why you just assume I'm guilty. Can you give me one good reason why I would lie to you?
Dorothy: You're embarrassed because you seduced him. You're scared and guilty because you've ruined his campaign.
Rose: Three good reasons.
Dorothy & Blanche: Oh, shut up, Rose.

Dorothy: Blanche, why don't you admit what you did. You made a mistake. You live your life a certain way and now you're paying for it.
Blanche: You are assuming that I'm guilty because of my past. Well, that is not fair. Listen, girls, I'm in trouble here. Now, this isn't funny anymore.
Dorothy: You're right. You're right. This is not funny. It is sad. You couldn't come to us and tell us the truth. And you still can't.
Blanche: Don't do this to me. You're my two best friends.
Rose: How do we know you're telling the truth about that?
Blanche: Well, I guess you don't.

Blanche: I ought to kick your butt from here to Tallahassee.
Gil Kessler: I'm sorry, Blanche.
Blanche: You're sor- Do you have reporters badgering you? Do you have roommates calling you a liar? You are the damn liar. I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man in Creation. Now, why did you lie?
Gil Kessler: Well, the reason is-
Blanche: Why?
Gil Kessler: I was trying-
Blanche: Why?
Gil Kessler: Nobody ever listens to me.
Blanche: Quit whining, you wimp, and tell me why you lied.
Gil Kessler: That is the reason. Nobody ever listens to me. They never have. I'm a wimp, just like you said. At least I was until today. Blanche, when the newspaper printed that story about my having an affair, people stopped thinking I was a wimp and they started listening to me. I couldn't tell them it was a mistake.
Blanche: Are you trying to tell me that people like you better now because they think you went to bed with a gorgeous, intelligent woman?

Gil Kessler: Here, see for yourself. This is today's poll. Blanche, I never expected that they would figure out it was you in that picture. I felt terrible when they did.
Blanche: Well, how do you think I feel? People think I slept with you.
Gil Kessler: Blanche all my life, people have looked right past me. You know, when I was growing up, the first day back at school every year, half the other kids always thought I was new in town. I had to bring in a yearbook to prove that they were wrong. But all the same, I always felt that deep inside me was a great man trying to get out. So I went into politics. And people kept looking right past that great man. Until today. Blanche, as crazy as it sounds, I've got a real chance to win.
Blanche: Because you lied.
Gil Kessler: But is that such a high price?
Blanche: Oh, Gil, I don't know much about politics, but I do know a thing or two about men. And I know what kind of man you are. You're an honest man. That's why we all believed in you. But now you started lying and you're just like so many other politicians. Dishonest. If you even win this election, it won't mean a hill of beans. 'Cause it won't be you winning. You'll never be a great man, Gil, without being an honest man. You think about that.

Rose: This is exciting. Just think, in less than 24 hours, Gil Kessler could be city councilman.
Dorothy: I'd love to get excited, Rose, but no matter what happens, I'm gonna get stuck cleaning out that peeing-angel punch bowl.