Dorothy: You have been walking around sick for over a week. You'd feel a lot better if you would just obey the doctor's orders. Look, either you're gonna follow his orders or I'll call him and tell on you.
Sophia: Oh, what is he gonna do? Come over and spank me?
Blanche: If he does, tell him to come by my room.

Rose: What about you? You must be exhausted being here by yourself all night.
Dorothy: I wasn't alone. Stan came by and stayed with me. Brought me food, held me. Showed me that special part of himself.
Rose: Right there in the waiting room?
Dorothy: Not that part, Rose!

Blanche: Then it's finally happened. I cannot believe it. I have lost it, haven't I?
Sophia: In more backseats than any woman I know.

Dorothy: Ma, you're not feeling any better, are you?
Sophia: I'm fine, thank you.
Dorothy: You look terrible.
Sophia: Gee, I guess I won't be making it in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year like the rest of you.

Dorothy: Don't listen to her, Stanley. It's beautiful. I'm sure Katherine will love it.
Stan: You mean it?
Dorothy: Not a word.
Stan: Babe, it's a real diamond. What's wrong with it?
Blanche: I think the more appropriate question is "Where is it?"
Stan: OK, the diamond's not very big. OK, it's not a real diamond. It's the thought that counts. OK, I didn't put much thought into it. It was cheap. I'm cheap. What can I tell you?
Blanche: Stanley, honey, why don't you let me help you pick out something else for Katherine?
Rose: I'll help too.
Stan: Hey, there's nothing wrong with my taste. You've seen that ring that I picked out for Dorothy.
Dorothy: Actually, he was going for a bracelet, but the mechanical claw grabbed the ring.

Dorothy: Ma, I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy.
Sophia: When I feel bad I have to take my mind off it. There's only one thing that does that for me.
Dorothy: Cooking a big meal.
Sophia: No. Making love in a closet. But, hey, you do what you can.

Dorothy: Oh, I hate waiting.
Blanche: I hate hospitals.
Rose: I hate when the people put each other down on Love Connection.

Stan: Come on, Dorothy, I'll take you home.
Dorothy: No, I'm not leaving.
Rose: Then we'll all stay.
Dorothy: No, you go.
Blanche: Oh, no. We're not going anywhere.
Dorothy: I would rather be alone. Please.
Stan: Are you sure, babe?
Rose: Would it be stupid to ask for a group hug?
Dorothy: Oh, of course not, honey. Hands above the waist, Stanley.

Dorothy: You really care about Ma, don't you, Stan?
Stan: Hey, if someone puts you down for 40 years, I guess you have a special bond. I can't imagine life without her telling me what a yutz I am, what a lousy husband I was, how my toupee looks like a monkey's behind. God, I love that woman.

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, you scared me to death.
Sophia: You scared me to death. You couldn't put on a little makeup? There could be a single doctor. I'd like to know you're being taken care of or at least getting a little on the side.
Dorothy: Ma, the doctor says you're gonna be just fine.
Sophia: Of course I am. I survived war, disease and two seasons of Designing Women.