Dan Cummings: So, you have some concerns about Sunny Pastures?
Dorothy: Actually, they're more like complaints.
Dan Cummings: Oh, complaints? Oh, well, what you need to do is fill out these forms and mail them back to me.
Dorothy: Yes, and then what happens?
Dan Cummings: Then it goes right here into my inbox.
Dorothy: This is outrageous. Lillian's problems cannot wait that long. She is old, she is sick, and she needs better care right now.
Dan Cummings: I agree.
Sophia: What?
Dan Cummings: Look, ladies, Sunny Pastures doesn't operate at a profit. Our patients' social security and Medicare pay most of our bills. The government subsidies pick up the slack so we can meet minimum standards.
Dorothy: Well, then maybe minimum standards aren't enough.
Dan Cummings: Right again. And this year, the government's made cutbacks. We're operating in the red and doing the best we can.
Dorothy: Are you telling me that nothing can be done?
Dan Cummings: Look, I'd love to help your friend. I'd love to help all our patients. And if you have any ideas on how to make it better, I'm all ears.

Blanche: Girls, I am so excited. I just got a big bonus at work.
Dorothy: Ah!
Blanche: And guess what I've decided to do with it.
Dorothy & Rose: What?
Blanche: I'm gonna have my breasts enlarged.
Rose: You're not serious, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, sure I am. Breasts are back in fashion. And what God didn't give me, Dr. Myron Rosensweig will. Oh, that man is the Picasso of plastic surgeons.
Dorothy: Well, just be sure he doesn't attach one of them to your forehead.

Dorothy: Ma, I haven't seen you all morning. Where have you been?
Sophia: I went to see my friend Lillian.
Dorothy: Lillian, at Shady Pines?
Sophia: Oh, you remember Shady Pines? That retirement home you stuck me in that resembled Sing Sing. My mistake, Sing Sing has a movie night.

Rose: Boy, when you hear horrible stories like that, it brings up so many questions.
Sophia: It sure does. Why do we let things like this happen? Why can't we care for our elderly the way they do in Japan? Why are there 17 sets of hooters on the coffee table?

Orderly: Excuse me, ladies, but visiting hours are over.
Rose: Oh, then I guess we'll just come back-
Sophia: No, we don't. We're not here to visit.
Rose: We're not?
Sophia: No, we're here to see about checking in Mom.
Orderly: You two are sisters?
Sophia: Uh, it's a long, involved, and somewhat sordid story. If you want to get a clearer picture, I suggest you rent the cassette of Chinatown.

John Porter: Hi, I'm John Porter. I'm in charge of admissions.
Sophia: Oh, yeah. Hi. I wanted to talk to you about my mother.
John Porter: About checking her in?
Sophia: No, about her collection of commemorative plates. Of course about checking her in. She's 125. You can't pry the yogurt out of her hands.

John Porter: What I need to know is, does your mother require any special medical care?
Sophia: She does. Uh, an old war injury. Remember the Maine? She didn't. She was a frogman and swam right into the bulkhead. They put a metal plate in her head, and now she gets HBO through her eyeballs. Don't look at me like that. If Tyson has another fight, you may wanna set her up in the rec hall.
John Porter: This is all hard to believe.
Sophia: If it's not true, my name isn't Sophia Pehawkins.

Dorothy: Ma, sit down. Ma, we need to talk about Lillian.
Sophia: I said I'll take care of her.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: I already take care of you three, so I'll do a little more cleaning, a little more cooking, and make up one more bed in the morning.
Blanche: Sophia, you don't make my bed.
Sophia: I know. It's impossible to put a fitted sheet around a big, hairy guy named Ed.

Dorothy: Well, I guess it's my shift.
Rose: It's OK, Dorothy. I think she's finally asleep.
Dorothy: Oh, thank God. I am exhausted. I haven't been this tired since my wedding night.
Blanche: Well, a night of unbridled passion should take it out of you.
Dorothy: Who said anything about passion? I was tired from picking up beer cans from Stan's poker buddies.

Blanche: Well, girls, how did it go?
Dorothy: Terrible. I can't believe you live and wind up in a place like Sunny Pastures. I guess money makes the world go round.
Sophia: Hey, you live 80, 90 years, just getting up too fast makes the world go round.