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Son-in-Law Dearest

‘Son-in-Law Dearest’

Season 2, Episode 23 -  Aired March 28, 1987

When her daughter, Kate, reveals she left her husband after he cheated on her, it dredges up painful memories for Dorothy.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: I'll be honest with you Kate, I never liked him. From the moment that worm slithered into your live, I knew he was no good. What kind of a man has so little respect for the institution of marriage that he can cheat on a wonderful woman and jump into bed with the first available bimbo who comes along?
Dorothy: But enough about you, Stanley.

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Quote from Rose

Rose: I understand what you went through, Dorothy. I remember how I felt when I thought Charlie was cheating on me.
Blanche: Charlie?
Rose: We'd been married for 18 years. And up until then, everything had seemed so perfect. Then one night it happened. He came home, had dinner, walked upstairs and went to sleep. I went in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.
Dorothy: Rose, I don't want to encourage long stories, but it seems in this story you left out the...
Blanche: The story.
Dorothy: That's the word.
Rose: Well, Charlie went right to sleep. We didn't, well, you know...
Blanche: Oh, and he'd promised?
Rose: No! It's just that that was the first time that had ever happened in 18 years of married life.
Blanche: Get out of here.
Dorothy: You mean to say that every night without fail for 18 years, you and Charlie...
Rose: Yeah, of course. Right after dinner.
Blanche: Well, no wonder you never heard of I Love Lucy.
Rose: Of course, as it turned out, I was just overreacting. I mean, it was a freak, one-time thing. By the next morning, everything was back to normal.
Blanche: By morning? You mean to tell me, that every morning?
Rose: Charlie said that's why we didn't have headaches and we both had really shiny hair.
Blanche: Listen, Rose, no offense, but I find that story a little hard to believe. You don't even like to talk about sex.
Rose: Well, it's been my experience that people who talk about it a lot don't do it very often.
Blanche: Coffee, anyone?

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, that last episode of I Love Lucy was hilarious.
Rose: It sure was. I never realized you could have that much fun staying up all night.
Blanche: Oh? Not even with Charlie?
Rose: Oh, we never stayed up all night. Just seven till midnight every night and and five to seven every morning. And, of course, till noon on Sundays.
Blanche: Good Lord, no wonder you still mourn that man.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche. Blanche, why do they do it? Why do men do it and think they can get away with it?
Blanche: Same reason a dog licks himself, Dorothy. Because he can.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I can't believe you'd show your face here after what you've done. Dennis, I think you should be leaving.
Dennis: Mother Dorothy.
Dorothy: And please do not call me Mother Dorothy. I hate it when you call me Mother Dorothy. I feel I should be handing out rice on the streets of Calcutta.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Dennis, I want to speak with you.
Kate: Mother.
Dennis: It's alright, Kate.
Dorothy: [to Stan] Is your name Dennis?
Stan: Hey, I want to be there. I have a right to be there.
Dorothy: One sperm with a sense of direction and I'm pay for it for the rest of my life.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Well, I won't have time with my daughter coming tonight. We're gonna spend all our time talking about the- Nothing.
Blanche: Nothing? What's the nothing?
Dorothy: The nothing is a nothing. I mean, if it were something, I'd call it something. Besides, there are more important things to talk about. Is that rumaki?
Rose: Dorothy, you're keeping a secret from us. I can't believe it. I tell you everything. I told you a secret last night.
Dorothy: What, that you're not a natural blonde?
Rose: I am a natural blonde.
Dorothy: Right, Rose. You and Tina Turner.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Rose, there's an I Love Lucy marathon on tonight. You wanna stay up and watch it with me?
Rose: That sounds great. Who's in it?
Blanche: Who's in it? Um,. Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. The Ricardos and Mertzes. Oh, don't tell me you never saw I Love Lucy.
Rose: No. I never watched much TV until I moved in here. I mean, Charlie and I never had a TV. We talked about getting one, but Charlie said it wasn't perfected yet.
Blanche: It sounds like to me old Charlie was a little on the cheap side.
Rose: [laughs] I'll say. Oh, Charlie was a wonderful man, but he could squeeze a nickel till the buffalo pooped.
Sophia: Boy, I'll tell you, there's something to the power of suggestion. Excuse me.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, that's Kate. Oh, oh, I am so nervous all of a sudden. Of course, I am also very excited. I mean, I have dreamed about this moment all my life. [opens door] Oh, honey.
Stan: Darling.
Dorothy: [slams door] Is it my imagination, or was that my ex-husband Stanley? [opens door]
Stan: Dorothy, it's me, your ex-husband Stan.
Dorothy: Excuse me. With that new toupee I thought you were Ted Danson.
Stan: I just got it today. It hasn't had time to settle.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: I can't believe it. I am going to be a grandfather. Think about it. Part of me is going to be passed on to that child.
Dorothy: I'm sure we'll learn to love it anyway.

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