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‘Son-in-Law Dearest’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: Son-in-Law Dearest

223. Son-in-Law Dearest

Aired March 28, 1987

When her daughter, Kate, reveals she left her husband after he cheated on her, it dredges up painful memories for Dorothy.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: I'll be honest with you Kate, I never liked him. From the moment that worm slithered into your live, I knew he was no good. What kind of a man has so little respect for the institution of marriage that he can cheat on a wonderful woman and jump into bed with the first available bimbo who comes along?
Dorothy: But enough about you, Stanley.

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Quote from Rose

Rose: I understand what you went through, Dorothy. I remember how I felt when I thought Charlie was cheating on me.
Blanche: Charlie?
Rose: We'd been married for 18 years. And up until then, everything had seemed so perfect. Then one night it happened. He came home, had dinner, walked upstairs and went to sleep. I went in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.
Dorothy: Rose, I don't want to encourage long stories, but it seems in this story you left out the...
Blanche: The story.
Dorothy: That's the word.
Rose: Well, Charlie went right to sleep. We didn't, well, you know...
Blanche: Oh, and he'd promised?
Rose: No! It's just that that was the first time that had ever happened in 18 years of married life.
Blanche: Get out of here.
Dorothy: You mean to say that every night without fail for 18 years, you and Charlie...
Rose: Yeah, of course. Right after dinner.
Blanche: Well, no wonder you never heard of I Love Lucy.
Rose: Of course, as it turned out, I was just overreacting. I mean, it was a freak, one-time thing. By the next morning, everything was back to normal.
Blanche: By morning? You mean to tell me, that every morning?
Rose: Charlie said that's why we didn't have headaches and we both had really shiny hair.
Blanche: Listen, Rose, no offense, but I find that story a little hard to believe. You don't even like to talk about sex.
Rose: Well, it's been my experience that people who talk about it a lot don't do it very often.
Blanche: Coffee, anyone?

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, that last episode of I Love Lucy was hilarious.
Rose: It sure was. I never realized you could have that much fun staying up all night.
Blanche: Oh? Not even with Charlie?
Rose: Oh, we never stayed up all night. Just seven till midnight every night and and five to seven every morning. And, of course, till noon on Sundays.
Blanche: Good Lord, no wonder you still mourn that man.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche. Blanche, why do they do it? Why do men do it and think they can get away with it?
Blanche: Same reason a dog licks himself, Dorothy. Because he can.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I can't believe you'd show your face here after what you've done. Dennis, I think you should be leaving.
Dennis: Mother Dorothy.
Dorothy: And please do not call me Mother Dorothy. I hate it when you call me Mother Dorothy. I feel I should be handing out rice on the streets of Calcutta.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Dennis, I want to speak with you.
Kate: Mother.
Dennis: It's alright, Kate.
Dorothy: [to Stan] Is your name Dennis?
Stan: Hey, I want to be there. I have a right to be there.
Dorothy: One sperm with a sense of direction and I'm pay for it for the rest of my life.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Rose, there's an I Love Lucy marathon on tonight. You wanna stay up and watch it with me?
Rose: That sounds great. Who's in it?
Blanche: Who's in it? Um,. Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. The Ricardos and Mertzes. Oh, don't tell me you never saw I Love Lucy.
Rose: No. I never watched much TV until I moved in here. I mean, Charlie and I never had a TV. We talked about getting one, but Charlie said it wasn't perfected yet.
Blanche: It sounds like to me old Charlie was a little on the cheap side.
Rose: [laughs] I'll say. Oh, Charlie was a wonderful man, but he could squeeze a nickel till the buffalo pooped.
Sophia: Boy, I'll tell you, there's something to the power of suggestion. Excuse me.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Well, I won't have time with my daughter coming tonight. We're gonna spend all our time talking about the- Nothing.
Blanche: Nothing? What's the nothing?
Dorothy: The nothing is a nothing. I mean, if it were something, I'd call it something. Besides, there are more important things to talk about. Is that rumaki?
Rose: Dorothy, you're keeping a secret from us. I can't believe it. I tell you everything. I told you a secret last night.
Dorothy: What, that you're not a natural blonde?
Rose: I am a natural blonde.
Dorothy: Right, Rose. You and Tina Turner.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, that's Kate. Oh, oh, I am so nervous all of a sudden. Of course, I am also very excited. I mean, I have dreamed about this moment all my life. [opens door] Oh, honey.
Stan: Darling.
Dorothy: [slams door] Is it my imagination, or was that my ex-husband Stanley? [opens door]
Stan: Dorothy, it's me, your ex-husband Stan.
Dorothy: Excuse me. With that new toupee I thought you were Ted Danson.
Stan: I just got it today. It hasn't had time to settle.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: I can't believe it. I am going to be a grandfather. Think about it. Part of me is going to be passed on to that child.
Dorothy: I'm sure we'll learn to love it anyway.

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