Dorothy: What's all this about a surprise?
Blanche: Oh, well, I've done a little matchmaking.
Clayton: Blanche, not again.
Blanche: Yes, again. Now, you are 45 years old. You've been single almost two years. Well, both Dorothy and I know how much fun the single life is. Many's the night Dorothy has sat here alone in this room watching me go out on dates.
Dorothy: Sometimes I watch her go from the kitchen window. It's easier to bay at the moon.

Rose: OK, now, you just give me your honest reactions when people go by. That's how I'll tell.
Clayton: OK.
Rose: Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Go. No. Too thin. Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Too short? Next. [A man walks by] Oh, Clayton! Clayton, you're not playing fair. That's a man. That's a man and you're a man. You're both men. [laughs nervously] Clayton, you're that thing that everyone said Olga Larsen's nephew was 'cause he wore paisley clogs and gave out puff pastry on Halloween.
Clayton: I've been called a lot of things in my time, but that's a first for that one. Yeah, I'm gay, Rose.

Dorothy: Well, why did Clayton say the two of you slept together if you hadn't?
Rose: Because he's trying to hide something about himself from Blanche. I don't even feel right saying it out loud. Maybe if I just whispered it. [As Rose leans into her ear, Dorothy pushes Sophia away]
Dorothy: Clayton is a hobo?
Rose: No, Dorothy. [again]
Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Now, now I get it.
Rose: Oh, good. I thought I was gonna have to draw you a picture. And I'm not sure I'd know how.

Sophia: So, Clayton, what do you think of this Miami weather so far?
Clayton: Oh, it's lovely.
Sophia: I see. Have you ever been to Europe?
Clayton: No, but it's always been a dream of mine.
Sophia: Interesting. How many fingers am I holding up?
Clayton: Two.
Sophia: Fine. You can go back in the living room now. The man's as gay as a picnic basket.
Dorothy: Ma, that- That is- That is incredible. How did you know?
Sophia: I heard him singing in the shower. He's the only man I ever knew who knows all the words to "Send In The Clowns."

Clayton: Blanche, there's something you should know.
Blanche: Butt out, Clayton. This doesn't concern you.
Rose: Well, it most certainly does concern him.
Blanche: Why? Because he was seduced by a bubble-head whose hair looks like it was colorized by Ted Turner?

Blanche: Let's go to Jose's. We always go there to celebrate.
Dorothy: The food is great.
Blanche: Yeah, and they make all the waiters wear these really skintight bullfighters' pants.
Clayton: Really?
Blanche: Let's go to Amelio's.

Blanche: Who's that at the door?
Rose: It's me, Blanche.
Blanche: The other side.

Sophia: Dorothy, all that stuff I said about preparing for a burial, forget it.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. You finally came to your senses.
Sophia: Yes. I decided to be cremated instead.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Oh It's a great idea. My ashes can be divided among you, your brother, Phil, and your sister, Gloria. Nah, forget Gloria. I don't want to spread myself too thin.

Sophia: Mildred, what are you doing here?
Mildred: When do I always wear my lucky bowling hat?
Sophia: We're bowling tonight?
Mildred: Didn't you get my message the other night? No one answered the door. I figured you were napping, so I yelled outside your window, "We had room."
Sophia: Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Were your exact words, "Sophia, you can come now. We have room now"? And were you wearing that hat at the time?
Mildred: Yes.
Sophia: Hasta luego, Dorothy. I'm going bowling.

Clayton: Well, let's just say Blanche has it in her head what type is right for me, and she's way off.
Rose: I'll bet I could sit here for a minute and tell you what your type is. I'm good at this. Gosh, I'm stuck.
Clayton: Well, you haven't even started.
Rose: No, I'm stuck on the gum somebody left on this bench.