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Scared Straight

‘Scared Straight’

Season 4, Episode 9 -  Aired December 10, 1988

Blanche's brother, Clayton, lies about sleeping with Rose so he won't have to tell his sister he is gay.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Well, why did Clayton say the two of you slept together if you hadn't?
Rose: Because he's trying to hide something about himself from Blanche. I don't even feel right saying it out loud. Maybe if I just whispered it. [As Rose leans into her ear, Dorothy pushes Sophia away]
Dorothy: Clayton is a hobo?
Rose: No, Dorothy. [again]
Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Now, now I get it.
Rose: Oh, good. I thought I was gonna have to draw you a picture. And I'm not sure I'd know how.

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Quote from Sophia

Sophia: So, Clayton, what do you think of this Miami weather so far?
Clayton: Oh, it's lovely.
Sophia: I see. Have you ever been to Europe?
Clayton: No, but it's always been a dream of mine.
Sophia: Interesting. How many fingers am I holding up?
Clayton: Two.
Sophia: Fine. You can go back in the living room now. The man's as gay as a picnic basket.
Dorothy: Ma, that- That is- That is incredible. How did you know?
Sophia: I heard him singing in the shower. He's the only man I ever knew who knows all the words to "Send In The Clowns."

Quote from Rose

Clayton: Rose, I owe you an apology.
Rose: You sure do.
Clayton: I shouldn't have got you mixed up in all this. It's just so hard to tell Blanche the truth.
Rose: Clayton, you're selling your sister short. Now, at times, Blanche can be very understanding and compassionate and forgiving.
Blanche: Get away from my baby brother, you cradle-snatching, empty-headed, two-faced dummy.
Rose: And then at other times she can be a real bitch.

Quote from Blanche

Clayton: Blanche, there's something you should know.
Blanche: Butt out, Clayton. This doesn't concern you.
Rose: Well, it most certainly does concern him.
Blanche: Why? Because he was seduced by a bubble-head whose hair looks like it was colorized by Ted Turner?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.
Clayton: I'm the same person I always was.
Blanche: No, you're not. You used to be just like me.
Clayton: What? Great-looking?
Blanche: Yes.
Clayton: Charming?
Blanche: Yes.
Clayton: Irresistible to men?
Blanche: My God, Clayton, you are me.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Let's go to Jose's. We always go there to celebrate.
Dorothy: The food is great.
Blanche: Yeah, and they make all the waiters wear these really skintight bullfighters' pants.
Clayton: Really?
Blanche: Let's go to Amelio's.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Who's that at the door?
Rose: It's me, Blanche.
Blanche: The other side.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, all that stuff I said about preparing for a burial, forget it.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. You finally came to your senses.
Sophia: Yes. I decided to be cremated instead.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Oh It's a great idea. My ashes can be divided among you, your brother, Phil, and your sister, Gloria. Nah, forget Gloria. I don't want to spread myself too thin.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Mildred, what are you doing here?
Mildred: When do I always wear my lucky bowling hat?
Sophia: We're bowling tonight?
Mildred: Didn't you get my message the other night? No one answered the door. I figured you were napping, so I yelled outside your window, "We had room."
Sophia: Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Were your exact words, "Sophia, you can come now. We have room now"? And were you wearing that hat at the time?
Mildred: Yes.
Sophia: Hasta luego, Dorothy. I'm going bowling.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: How was your trip, Clayton?
Clayton: Oh, fine. It just went by in no time.
Blanche: That usually means he met a stewardess he liked.
Clayton: Blanche.
Blanche: Lunch, dinner or drinks?
Clayton: Dinner.
Dorothy: I'm beginning to see the family resemblance.

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