Dorothy: Now, girls, remember, look everyone over very carefully. Try to figure out who are the real guests and who are actors pretending to be guests. It'll help when it comes to solving the mysteries.
Rose: Okay, Dorothy. If that's your real name.

Blanche: Won't you come in? May I help you?
Don: Yeah, I got a call from a Lois Nylund.
Rose: Oh, that's Rose Nylund. Rose, as in a series of seats in a movie theater.
Don: Or the flower?
Rose: Well, yeah, that, too.

Rose: Boy, Charlie must really be upset about me accepting Miles' ring. Oh, God, if I could just talk to him one more time. I would give every last cent I have.
Sophia: [raising her arms and mimicking Charlie] Wait, Rose.
Rose: What, Sophia?
Sophia: It's not Sophia. It's Charlie. I'm in the old lady's body.
Rose: Come on, Sophia, you're full of- Fruit salad. Charlie? Charlie, I want to believe it's you. Tell me something that only the two of us would know.
Sophia: Don't take any wooden nickels.
Rose: Oh, my God, it is you!

Rose: While Blanche is doing that, why don't I head over to the piano? I'd like to sing you a song that I used to sing as a child. It's an old Minnesotan farm song entitled, "I Never Thought I'd Grow a Hair There." [playing piano] Oom pah, pah Oom pah, pah Oom pah, pah What the hell is that hair?
Blanche: Rose? We just got a pledge for $20.
Rose: Oh, let's go to the tote board. Drum roll.
[Blanche stands in front of a digital screen which eventually settles on 20]

Rose: Oh, wait! I have a bulletin. "The intensity of Hurricane Gil has increased dramatically. Several boats at the marina have been beached or capsized." Oh, and here's an item of particular interest. "The McKinley Lighthouse has been completely destroyed."
Blanche: What did you say?
Rose: I repeat. "The McKinley Lighthouse has been completely destroyed." Oh, that's not good for us.

Miles: Hey, hi, Blanche. Rose?
Rose: Miles! What're you doing here?
Miles: Well, not that it matters, but I was on my way to the "theater of the living." I thought I'd pop in and purchase a couple of day-old eclairs. Which, incidentally, are for a dinner I'm making you next week. But the better question is, what- What are you doing here? And with these dandies, yet.
Barry: Dandies? Pretty tough words for somebody buying eclairs.

Miles: I was gonna take you to a lovely restaurant tomorrow night.
Rose: I know. Cap'n Sam's Twilight Two-For-One Special. "A nice piece of perch, your choice of potatoes or rice."
Miles: Oh, yeah. I see you conveniently left out "with a generous helping of 'slaw." Oh, or doesn't that serve your little smear campaign?

Rose: I haven't the slightest idea who that man is.
Dorothy: Rose, what is wrong with you? I mean, why didn't you just tell him that you don't know who he is?
Rose: And hurt an old friend? Boy, Dorothy, no wonder nobody likes you.

Rose: Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, our research department will find that heartless Shylock. And if they don't, I will. I'm not gonna rest, I'm not gonna sleep, I'm not gonna eat until I track that scum down.
Dorothy: Rose, I'm the scum. Stan and I inherited that building. I am Uncle Angelo's landlord.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, I forgot. I feel awful. Just awful. How could I have been so stupid?
Dorothy: No, it's okay.
Rose: I missed the family angle. He's your uncle. "Niece makes uncle live in roach motel."

Blanche: Now that's a good one. Oh, that's a nice one, too.
Rose: Really? You don't think I'm showing too much skin?
Blanche: Rose, move your thumb.