Blanche Quote #583
Dorothy: Okay, girls, which goes better, the silver chain or the pearls?
Rose: The chain.
Blanche: An amateur's mistake. Can't you see that the chain accentuates the many folds of that turkey-like neck?
Rose: Well, that may be, but the pearls draw attention to the nonexistent bosom.
Blanche: Yes, but the chain leads the eye even lower to that huge spare tire jutting out over those square, manly hips.
Dorothy: Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too ugly to live"?
Blanche: Fine, but what are you gonna hang it from, the chain or the pearls?
Dorothy: Neither! I'm gonna spray paint it on my hump!
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: Reminds me of the place I met Charles de Gaulle. We were lovers, you know.
Dorothy: Ma, that's a lie.
Sophia: Who asked you?
Sophia: Picture it: Sicily, 1921. A beautiful young peasant girl saves her lira and takes a trip to Paris, the city of lights, also the only place a guy can wear a cape without getting a lot of funny looks. She wanders into a restaurant and ends up sharing a table with a dashing young Frenchman. They drink, they talk, they burn a cork and draw mustaches on each other.
Sophia: Just wanted to see if you were listening. Anyway, the next thing she knows, it's hours later, the place is empty, and the Frenchman's got his schnoz down her blouse. This begins a beautiful love affair. Kids, I was that peasant girl, and the schnoz was Charles the Mole.
Raymond: Charles the Mole?
Sophia: Yeah, Charles the Mole. He was the wheel man for Louie the Ice Pick.
Dorothy: Ma, you said Charles de Gaulle.
Sophia: Yeah, right! I slept with Charles de Gaulle. I could've been the first lady of France, but I married your father instead. A man who cleans his toenails with a shrimp fork.
Quote from Hey, Look Me Over
Rose: Wait a minute. If you didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it says "Bed" on the cover?
Blanche: [laughs] Oh, that doesn't say "Bed."
Rose: Right there, it does.
Blanche: Oh, silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.
Dorothy: Your initials spell "Bed"?
Quote from It's a Miserable Life
Blanche: Wish me luck.
Dorothy: Wait. Blanche, why should you do it?
Blanche: Because we'll have a better chance. I happen to be a wonderful orator. And two of the commissioners can verify that.
Dorothy: Blanche, "orator" means "speaker".
Blanche: Really? Oh. Well, somebody else do the talking.