Dorothy: I'm gonna do it, Ma. This is my shot. They're taking applications beginning Monday morning. I am going to be the first in line.
Blanche: Make that second.
Dorothy: What are you talking about, Blanche? You've never cared about Jeopardy.
Blanche: No, but I do care for Alex Trebek. You see, I've never had a Canadian who wasn't on skates.
Dorothy: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Blanche: I have this recurring fantasy. "Take me, Alex. Take me, now," I tell him. And he says to me, "Ah, ah, ah, Blanche. In the form of a question."

Rose: Oh, he's adorable! Oh, I love you already. In fact, I haven't felt this way about a dog since... Since Rusty.
Dorothy: Oh, God, not the Rusty story again.
Rose: Charlie brought him home as a present after our first child was born.
Blanche: Oh, I wish we had a doggie door so I could push your head through it.
Rose: Oh, he was the best. Trustworthy, loyal, smart as a whip. Oh, I really thought Rusty was gonna be with our family forever.
Sophia: Dorothy, do we have any candles? I'd like to drip some hot wax in my ears.
Rose: Then one horrible, horrible night, our house caught on fire, and it was Rusty who awakened everybody. It was Rusty who pulled us all to safety. He even dashed back in the burning building to rescue Scruffy, our cat.
All: Whom he never really liked.
Rose: Yes, sir, he was a real hero. Oh, if only he hadn't gone back in for the TV. He was a dachshund, for God's sake. I mean, what made him think he could carry a TV?
Sophia: You know how pig-headed the Germans are.

[dream sequence:]
Dorothy: I demand a ruling.
Alex Trebek: Well, you happen to be in luck. Because waiting in the wings right now is the only man in America who knows more than I do about this subject. The creator of our show, Merv Griffin.
Merv Griffin: Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Alex. Dorothy, this is my show and I say the correct answer is Cary Grant. Just like you see in that fine portrait there.
Dorothy: Mr. Griffin, please, you are the most beloved man in America. You are bright, you are- You are charming. You are the anti-Trump.