Dorothy: Girls, I have great news. I finally convinced Don to quit Beatlemania. Isn't that wonderful?
Sophia: Dorothy, you're 60 years old and breaking up fake rock-and-roll bands. I want you to think about that.
Dorothy: Ma, will you stop it? Thanks to me, Don can now perform his own songs. Do you know what that makes me?
Sophia: Yoko Zbornak?

Blanche: Girls, I have a question, a vital question. I want you to think long and hard before answering. Am I ugly?
Sophia: Yes.
Blanche: I mean, I've always thought of myself as ravishing, but is something changing? Is there- Is there, all of a sudden, something disgusting and unattractive about me?
Sophia: Yes.
Blanche: Now, you cut it out, you old worm woman.

Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry. Is Dorothy Zbornak here?
Blanche: Uh. Uh...
Sophia: I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
Rose: Sophia, you stop that. You are not Dorothy Zbornak. I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
Sophia: All right, all right, but I am a Petrillo, and I've been known to make princes and kings leave their wives and palaces and dance the bossa nova.
Jerry: Excuse me, what does that mean?
Sophia: I think it means today is placebo-pill day. I'm going to bed.