Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter. Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prized cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency. There I was presenting my side to a jury of her peers. It took over six months to get the farm back.
Sophia: What a terrible story. I mean it. It's a terrible story. But you must have been relieved when you won.
Rose: Oh, yeah. We celebrated with a big, thick steak.

Sophia: Butt out. I'm having an important moment with my heir. Dorothy, Rose is helping me make out an ironclad will.
Dorothy: Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?
Rose: I know what I'm doing. Every Thursday, I watch La Law.
Dorothy: That's L.A. Law.
Rose: I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent.

Dorothy: Blanche, instead of sending the letter, why don't you talk to him? I mean, get to know him. Find out where this goes. You know, ever since we've known you, you have never once worked on having a meaningful relationship.
Blanche: I have had many meaningful relationships. Many, many, many meaningful relationships.
Dorothy: Sharing a worm from a tequila bottle is not meaningful.