Dorothy: Honey, we know dieting is hard. We've all been there. I remember the time Stan and I went on that weight-loss- through-sex diet. The idea being every time you felt hungry, you would substitute food with some sexual activity.
Blanche: Did it work?
Dorothy: I gained 18 pounds.

Rose: You know, Blanche, you put yourself through this hell every year. Are you sure it's worth it?
Blanche: Of course it's worth it. On my anniversary, every year since I was married, I have slipped into my wedding dress and had my picture taken. George was always so proud of me for stayin' svelte. I'm gonna get into that dress this year even if it kills me.
Sophia: It's not you I'm worried about. The last time you went on a diet, you turned into that guy from Silence of the Lambs. You did everything but butter my face.

Blanche: It's gonna be different this time. See, I'm on this drink-it-off diet. "You have two shakes and a sensible meal every day, you lose weight the fast easy way."
Sophia: I prefer the Italian diet. You drink a bottle of wine, make a smart remark, then get your jaw wired.