Blanche: You know, Sophia, this birthday thing kinda has me depressed as well. You think you could help me, too?
Sophia: Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words - you're old, you sag, get over it.
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, you fossil.

Dorothy: Ma, I just want to give him a call.
Sophia: Pussycat, you're out of your league. There are some people you just can't help. It's like the Good Lord said - "You gotta know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away."
Dorothy: Ma, that's not the Good Lord, that's Kenny Rogers.
Sophia: God, Kenny Rogers. Tomato, tomah-to.

Rose: Don't worry, Dorothy. Maybe Jimmy'll come around.
Dorothy: Oh, I wish I could believe you, but, Rose, I have been there. I mean, after a while you feel you're just in this gigantic black hole.
Rose: We had a gigantic black hole back in St. Olaf.
Sophia: Oh, God.
Rose: On Main Street, right in front of the courthouse where Charlie and I got our marriage license and our permit to have kids. Oh, it was a lovely hole. Everybody in town would stand around and look in it.
Dorothy: And they say Hollywood is the entertainment capital of the world.
Rose: Well, we didn't just look in it. Sometimes we'd point, too. Or spit and time it. Then there was always that wise guy who'd have a couple of drinks and unzip himself and-
Dorothy: It's official. I hate her.