Rose Quote #514
Rose: So, when was it you visited St. Olaf?
Anna: Oh, Lord, it must be 50 years ago now. I went to a wedding. A distant cousin of mine married a local St.
Rose: What was the girl's name?
Anna: Sonja Yongen-
Anna: You know her?
Rose: Know her? I was flower girl at the wedding. Well, of course, there were no flowers that year because of what happened to Old Man Smith. He was our town florist. He was also our town's only blacksmith. Come to think of it, he was our town's only black man. Anyway, when he first moved in, the town council decided to give him a traditional Scandinavian welcome gathering on his front lawn and singing songs and dressing up in bedsheets. 'Course, coming from Chattanooga, he wasn't familiar with the custom. He had a heart attack. He spent most of the summer in intensive care. After that, when somebody moved in, the town council just handed out peanut brittle and free passes to the local movie house, which they hoped to build someday.
Anna: Are you all right?
Rose: You seem upset.
Anna: I was just thinking I'm sorry I recently got a hearing aid.
Rose: Don't worry. It hardly shows at all. Anyway, at Sonja's wedding, of course without flowers they didn't know what to do... and discovered she was actually on the hayride with Little Lars, not Big Lars. She yelled, "Whoa!" And jumped right off the wagon.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: Mama, do you remember that Mother's Day that I almost ruined when I ran off to get married?
Blanche: Sure you do, honey. Don't you know, I was a senior in high school, and I was madly in love with Deck Boevingloh. We'd been dating for nearly a month, so it seemed perfectly logical when he dropped by cheerleading practice and asked me to marry him. Oh, I thought he was a wonderful catch at the time. He was 40, out of work, twice divorced, had three kids. But the real reason I wanted to marry him was because his oldest daughter was a rival of mine at cheerleading, and I figured if I married Deck, I'd be her mama and I could kick her off the squad. Anyway, I remember the next day, I was in the Rexall when Deck came in lookin' more handsome than I've ever seen him. Oh! Black motorcycle boots, skintight Levis, a match in his mouth, and a white T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his brand-new Woody the Woodpecker tattoo. God, I was an idiot. Anyway, he sauntered over to me at the soda fountain and gave me this long, smolderin' look and said, "So?" Oh, I nearly fainted dead-away on the spot. The next thing I knew, I was sittin' in that Studebaker racing out toward bayou country, where Deck knew this justice of the peace who specialized in marrying stupid teenage girls from well-to-do families. Now, lucky for me, Old Man Montgomery had been in the Rexall that day and overheard us making our plans and tipped off you and Daddy. You know, to this day, I don't know how you got there ahead of us. But when we pulled up to Bubba's Chapel of Bliss and Tackle Shop, there you were. Well, I was ready for the fight of my life, but all you said was, "Why, darlin', I just came out here to give you away with my blessing. Why, I think marrying Deck might be the best thing in the world for you, Blanche." Well, at 17, I wasn't about to do anything you wanted me to do. And you knew that. I gave Deck back his I.D. bracelet that had "Deck" on one side and "Allergic to the Law" on the other, hopped in the car with you and Daddy, and we took off home. I asked you if you were mad at me. You said, "Why, no, darlin'. This is the best Mother's Day I've ever had." Don't you remember that, Mama?
Quote from Dorothy
Mrs. Zbornak: What're you here for? What do you want, money?
Dorothy: No. Absolutely not. How did you know?
Mrs. Zbornak: I just got the feeling my yutz son crapped out at his job.
Dorothy: Yutz. I've never heard you say anything bad about Stan in my life.
Mrs. Zbornak: I don't have to. The whole world makes fun of him. Always has. That's why I make him out to be more than he is.
Dorothy: Then you will give him the money.
Mrs. Zbornak: No. But I'll give it to you under one condition. Don't ever tell Stanley it came from me.
Dorothy: I don't understand.
Mrs. Zbornak: Well, Stanley has a tendency to be weak. If he knew I was a soft touch, he'd never amount to anything. How much do you need?
Mrs. Zbornak: I'll give you a thousand. You know, Dorothy, I'm glad Stanley married you. You love him, but you're tough on him and he needs that.
Dorothy: Then why are you so mean to me?
Mrs. Zbornak: Because if Stanley knew I liked you, he'd hang around here all the time. He's a yutz. Who needs him around here?
[Dorothy goes to hug Mrs. Zbornak]
Mrs. Zbornak: Oh, thank God you came when you did. I thought she was gonna strangle me.
Quote from Dorothy's New Friend
Rose: I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We called her Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No. That was her name. Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper. She had it changed legally 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. But that's beside the point. One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
Quote from Henny Penny - Straight, No Chaser
Blanche: This is horrible. As Big Daddy used to say, "I'm feeling lower than the rent on a burnin' building."
Rose: That's funny. I used to live in a burning building. And it was cheap. It was Charlie's and my first house. Well, scoff if you must, but it was warm and toasty. I'll never forget Charlie throwing me over his shoulder and dashing across the threshold. Oh, it was a beautiful place. Three bedrooms, two baths. Then two bedrooms and one bath. Eventually, we outgrew the place.