Dorothy: Ma, you don't have any clothes on.
Sophia: Tell me about it. I just walked ten blocks. I got a belly button full of tweed.
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell happened?
Sophia: In the middle of bingo, Murray Hazeltine sits down. He's the big practical joker at the center. Believe me, Howie Mandel is funnier. Anyway, he tells me to sniff his carnation for good luck. I take one whiff, and bingo.
Dorothy: He squirted your dress with ink.
Sophia: Actually, it was Del Monte prune juice. It's free at the center. It's a come-on. They make their real money on the powdered toilet seat rentals.
Dorothy: So what happened to your clothes?
Sophia: Murray took them to have them cleaned. Dorothy, I still can't believe it happened. I've never been so humiliated.
Dorothy: Ma, honey, there's no reason for you to be embarrassed. He plays tricks on everybody.
Sophia: I'm talking about on my way home. My belt came loose in front of a construction site. Nobody whistled, and two guys went home sick.

Dorothy: Ma, why don't you sit right over here and read your magazine, okay?
Sophia: Oh. Okay. [sits down without a sound] Don't try to outsmart me, Dorothy. I got the mind of a fox and the butt muscles of Baryshnikov.

Rose: Sophia, what are you doing with that heavy coat on inside the house?
Sophia: You tell me, Rose.
Dorothy: Ma!
Rose: Dorothy, was Sophia naked just now, or does her dress really need ironing?