Rose: Oh, I've never been in jail. I won't make it. They always prey on the weak and innocent. The others will taunt me for trying to excel at my work in the laundry. I'll fall in with a bad crowd whose leader looks like Ethel Merman. And I'll be forced to engineer a daring prison break using my laundry cart. From that time on I won't know a moment's peace. I'll scar my fingerprints with battery acid and I'll run from town to town taking jobs that people have who got bad grades in school. And then one day they'll find me, holed up in a shack in the Louisiana bayou. And a sheriff named Bull will call my name over a megaphone. And when I make a run for it, he'll riddle my body with bullets. Oh, please don't let them take me downtown. I wanna live. I wanna live!
Dorothy: You're not good in a crisis, are you, Rose?

Blanche: Dorothy, do you think Burt's gonna like this dress?
Dorothy: Oh, yeah. And that plunging neckline will really show off his chest hair.
Blanche: You know, the last time I wore this was at the 1972 presidential inauguration. I danced in the arms of the president. The next morning I woke up still in his arms.
Dorothy: Blanche. You and Nixon?
Blanche: Nixon? Yuck. No. I can't even picture Nixon naked. He must look like one of those little dress-up dolls. Just little mounds of plastic to indicate where everything oughta be. No, I was talking about Mr William "Buster" Collier. The president of the Chamber of Commerce.
Dorothy: Oh, that presidential inauguration.
Blanche: You know, Buster wanted me to be his First Lady but he died two days later.
Dorothy: I'm sorry.
Blanche: He was performing his first official function: Breaking a champagne bottle over the city's new tollbooth. But before he could step out of the way, he was run over by ten Shriners on minibikes, who just happened to have the exact change.
Dorothy: So many of our great leaders have gone that way.

Blanche: Mr John Forsythe. Oh, my God. He's just the sexiest man in television. And Burt Reynolds is the sexiest man in the movies. Oh, I cannot believe this. All that manliness in one room. In one crowded room. I one hot crowded room. Everybody's steamy bodies all pressed up...
Dorothy: Blanche. Blanche. Relax. You're about to set off the smoke detector.