Sophia Quote #23
Sophia: You're acting like a jerk.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma. Thanks. That really makes me feel a lot better.
Sophia: Don't get smart with your mother! Listen, Dorothy, I love you dearly, but you're not the first woman to be dumped by her husband.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, Ma, it's not what he did. I mean, I've learned to live with that. It's the way he did it. The least he could have done was tell me to my face.
Sophia: If you're so angry with him, tell him. You don't have to kill him.
Dorothy: I know. But I want to.
Sophia: Dorothy, anger is a lot like a piece of shredded wheat caught under your dentures. If you leave it there, you get a blister and you gotta eat Jell-O all week. If you get rid of it, the sore heals, and you feel better.
Dorothy: Anger is like a piece of shredded wheat?
Sophia: You want poetry, you listen to Neil Diamond. You want good advice? You listen to your mother.
Dorothy: Maybe you're right.
Sophia: Of course I'm right. You think I got this old by being stupid?
Dorothy: You know, you're the greatest mother in the world.
Sophia: Tell me something I don't know.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: You walked out on me and you didn't have the decency to tell me you were leaving. I heard it from some lawyer over the telephone. A stranger, Stanley, a total stranger, told me that my marriage was over.
Stan: Dorothy, look, things happened.
Dorothy: Things happened? You're damn right things happened. Thirty-eight years happened. Thirty-eight years of sharing and crying and dreaming and fighting and loving and children and diapers and school plays and Little League. And worrying if you'd get through your gallbladder surgery. And wondering if I'd get through another Sunday dinner at your mother's house. And the lean years, when the business failed. And the good years, and the happy Christmases. All those things happened, Stanley. And because they happened, I deserved better than a stinking phone call from my husband's legal representative. You had a choice, Stanley, and you took the easy way out. And it was a rotten thing to do! But now you're here in front of me and you can't run away. And I finally get to have what you tried to cheat me out of. I finally get to say goodbye, Stanley.
Stan: Look, Dorothy, we-
Dorothy: I said goodbye, Stanley.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Relax honey. I just want to get it all out of my system before he gets here. Now go ahead, call him.
Kate: I'll call him. You talk to him.
Dorothy: All right. If I can get through an entire wedding with him, I should be able to handle a simple phone conversation with that yellow-bellied sleazeball! [on the phone] Hello, Stan? Dorothy. Dorothy Zbornak The one who gave you the best years of her thighs. Yes, I'm fine, fine. Yeah, it has been a long time. Yeah, well, you know, after two years, I figured you weren't coming back. No, I'll tell you the reason I'm calling you, Kate is getting married. Yes, married. Yes, yes, in a few days, and I'm giving her a little wedding here in Miami and I wanted to invite you. Can you come? You can? Great. Oh, Chrissy can't, oh- Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, really? No, I didn't know that could happen from a tanning machine. Oh, she'll be thrilled to see you too! She's standing right here. Hold on.
Blanche: Dorothy, you were magnificent!
Rose: Oh, you certainly were! How did you do it?
Dorothy: I just kept telling myself that once he was here, he'd be close enough to kill.
Quote from The Flu
Blanche: You don't have to worry about me. I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
Quote from The Engagement
Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.