Rose: [answering phone] Hello. Person-to-person from the Duke of Windsor to Queen Elizabeth?
Sophia: Oh, that's for me. That's my Phil. Hello. The queen's not here. She went shopping. Thanks for calling, Phil, and send my love to the- [hangs up] Damn. Every year they catch on quicker and quicker. I love when Phil calls on Mother's Day. It's the one time a year he calls and doesn't ask for money.

[flashback:]
Stan: Here, Mama. This is for you. Happy Mother's Day.
Mrs. Zbornak: Oh, thank you, Stanley. Ah. "The Artwork of Adolf Hitler".
Dorothy: The minute we saw it, we knew it was for you.
Mrs. Zbornak: Thank you so much, Stanley. I'm going to put it right here on the coffee table.
Stan: It's from Dorothy, too.
Mrs. Zbornak: If I had to thank her, I'd choke on the words.
Dorothy: Please risk it.

[flashback:]
Stan: Dorothy, come on. You have to start being nice to her, otherwise she's not gonna give us that money.
Dorothy: Look, you ask for it. She wouldn't refuse you.
Stan: You've got to do it for me. It would break Mama's heart if she knew I was a failure. To her, I have the business sense of a Rockefeller, the looks of a Gary Cooper and the charm of Cary Grant.
Dorothy: I'm not surprised. The woman drinks grain alcohol out of a measuring cup.

Dorothy: As it turned out, Stan's mother wasn't so bad after all.
Sophia: Please. The woman wasn't human. I think she ate mice.

Rose: [answering phone] Hello? Charlie! Hey, everyone, it's Charlie Jr. Oh! Guess what. He says it's cold in Minnesota.
Blanche: Get outta here.
Rose: Charlie, is it cold enough that if you put your tongue on something metal, it'll stick? Sure, I'll hold.
Sophia: This might be the ideal time to leave for that Mother's Day brunch.

Sophia: Now can we go eat?
Dorothy: No. I haven't heard from Michael yet.
Sophia: Fine. Wait for your phone call. My blood sugar'll drop. I'll have a stroke. This corsage'll live longer than I will.

[flashback:]
Anna: Excuse me. Are you waiting for the bus to Northern Falls?
Rose: No. St. Olaf.
Anna: I've visited there. Lovely little town.
Rose: Oh, yes. Yes, it is.
Anna: Rolling hills, charming homes.
Rose: Yes.
Anna: Full of idiots.
Rose: Yes. ... What?
Anna: I never saw anything like it. Must be the water.
Rose: I grew up in St. Olaf. Most of my family still lives there.
Anna: Oh, no offense, dearie. I didn't say that everyone there was an idiot. It just seemed, though, that per capita, they had more than their share.
Rose: Oh, well, per capita, you're probably right.

[flashback:]
Rose: So, do you live in Northern Falls?
Anna: No. I'm paying my daughter a visit.
Rose: For Mother's Day? Me, too. Oh, not just my daughter. All of my children. They chipped in and paid for my trip from Miama. They figured it'd be cheaper for me to come here than for all of them to fly there.
Anna: They figured that out? And they live in St. Olaf?
Rose: Yes.
Anna: Oh, you must be very proud of them.
Rose: Oh. I am.

[flashback:]
Sophia: Turn that thing off and get up from the couch. Mama will be here any minute and you look like a bum.
Salvadore: So, what's the problem? She already thinks I'm a bum.
Sophia: Salvadore.
Salvadore: What?
Sophia: Did you get me a present for Mother's Day?
Salvadore: Why? You're not my mother.
Sophia: I'm the mother of your children.
Salvadore: A thousand nights of begging. Three times, you said yes. For that, you want a present? It's not enough they declare it a national holiday?

[flashback:]
Sophia: That's Mama. If she sees you like this, we'll never convince her to move in. Move! Move!
Salvadore: Oh, boy. It's a dark day in Brooklyn today. The Dodgers are moving out, your mother's moving in!