Dorothy: [laughing] Holly! That has to be one of the funniest stories I've heard in ages.
Holly: Doesn't Rose ever tell St. Olaf stories?
Dorothy: All the time.

Blanche: Sophia, I think you're makin' a big mistake.
Sophia: I just need to keep the new dog hidden till Monday. It's a piece of cake.
Blanche: That's not the mistake I mean. With both those dogs in the same room, how are you gonna know which is the old one and which is the new one?
Sophia: I'm screwed.

Dorothy: Another slice of cheesecake, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, I really shouldn't.
Dorothy: Honey, what harm can it do? Lately you've been eating like a bird.
Sophia: Yeah, Rodan.

Sophia: All right, Rose, out with it. What did Holly do that's so terrible?
Rose: Why do you care? You won't believe me anyway.
Sophia: Hey, Sicilians can always recognize two things: when someone is telling the truth, and when they've had their fingerprints changed. I know whatever you're gonna say is the truth.
Rose: This afternoon I saw Blanche's boyfriend, Gary Tucker, kissing my sister Holly.
Sophia: Oh, please. You're such a liar.
Rose: I swear on my mother's grave.
Sophia: OK, OK, I believe you.

Dorothy: I don't get it, Blanche. This isn't like you. Come on, Gary calls at the last minute, cancels your date. You're not the least bit upset or suspicious.
Blanche: Well, Dorothy, give me some credit. What kind of person would doubt a man whose mother needs emergency gallbladder surgery to save her life? Besides, the hospital said the operation would take five hours, and that restaurant just would not hold our reservations past 8:30.

Sophia: Now come on, Dreyfuss, let's go. Yo, Dreyfuss! It's checkout time.
Dorothy: He's acting as though Dreyfuss isn't even his name.
Sophia: Of course Dreyfuss is his name. Right, Dreyfuss? Dreyfuss! Come on. Maybe we'll swing by the pet shop on the way home.