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‘Job Hunting’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Job Hunting

122. Job Hunting

Aired March 8, 1986

Dorothy and Blanche try to help Rose find another job after the grief counseling center is shut down.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey. I couldn't. I had these urges. You know, in the South, we mature faster. I think it's the heat.
Dorothy: I think it's the gin.
Blanche: Anyhow, my first was Billy. Oh, I remember it so well, just like it was yesterday. That night under the dogwood trees, the air thick with perfume, and me with Billy. Or Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. Yeah, it was Bobby. Or was it Ben? Oh, who knows? Anyway, it started with a "B."

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Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Well, so what happened?
Dorothy: Stanley, that's what happened. Stanley. I went to a drive-in with Stanley. He said he was being shipped off to Korea and would probably die and it would mean so much. That was my part of the war effort. It took three seconds. I wasn't sure that we had done anything, actually until nine months later when the baby came. Then I figured out that we had. You know, that was my only proof.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, Rose, look at me. Rose, listen. You are feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, you're five years older, so am I, so is Blanche. All right, you have a few more wrinkles, so do I, so has Blanche. All right, you're a little thicker around the middle, so is Blanche!

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: All right, let me see your resume. Come on, come on, come on. OK, now, let's see. Let's see. "Home ec major at Rockport Community College, six months at St. Paul's Business School, thirty-two years of marriage, laid off from your job at Grief Counseling. Hobbies: cheese making, stamp collecting, and Viking history?"
Dorothy: Rose, this stinks.
Rose: Well, it's the truth.
Blanche: Honey, sometimes you have to stretch the truth.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I waited till my wedding night.
Blanche: No!
Rose: Yes!
Dorothy: And?
Rose: And, it was a surprise.
Blanche: Well, how is that possible? Another man showed up?
Rose: What I mean is I had never seen a man before.
Blanche: A man?
Rose: You know a man.
Blanche: No!
Rose: Yes!
Dorothy: What about your father? You mean, you never saw your father?
Rose: My father? Oh, no! My father? Oh, my goodness, no! I would have simply died! Oh, you don't- Oh, my God!
Dorothy: Easy, easy, easy, Rose.
Blanche: Calm down, calm down.
Rose: The only things I ever saw were the animals on the farm, you know, the bulls and the horses.
Blanche: Tough act to follow.
Rose: Actually, that first night I was kind of, well appalled, I guess. But Charlie was very patient. It was really very nice, once I understood that that's what you were supposed to do. That it wasn't some colossal joke, you know? I mean, didn't you think it was a ridiculous thing to do the first time?
Blanche: No!

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Well, I just want to be svelte for Barry.
Rose: Barry Glick is very important to you.
Dorothy: Barry was the man that I wanted to be the first.
Rose: First where?
Dorothy: On Mars, Rose! My first lover.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: We're out of pepperoni! I'm starving, and we're out of pepperoni!
Blanche: I'm sorry, Sophia. Would you like some celery stuffed with cottage cheese?
Sophia: I can't eat cottage cheese. It repeats on me.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Hello, hello. Hi, Blanche. How are you, sweet Mother?
Sophia: We're out of pepperoni!
Dorothy: Did you call Dan Rather?
Sophia: I'm starving.
Dorothy: I defrosted some chicken. We'll eat in half an hour.
Sophia: I can't eat chicken. It repeats on me.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't have to make excuses. If you don't want chicken, just say "I don't want chicken."
Sophia: I don't want chicken.
Dorothy: Good.
Sophia: It repeats on me. I want pepperoni.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, Blanche, would you like some broiled chicken?
Blanche: Oh, no, thank you. I'm having a raw vegetable plate. You probably haven't noticed it, but I've put on three pounds.
Sophia: On each side.
Blanche: I used to have a waist just like Scarlett O'Hara. Well, you know that girl had an 18-inch waistline.
Dorothy: Blanche, that girl and her waistline were fiction.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: I'm fine, don't worry about me. It's all those other people.
Blanche: Was there some kind of accident? No, don't tell me, if I get upset I'll eat.
Dorothy: What happened, Rose?
Rose: They closed the center.
Blanche: Not your Grief Counseling Center?
Dorothy: No, the Kennedy Space Center. She wanted to be the first Lutheran on the moon.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Rose, you're out of a job!
Rose: Well, I can't worry about that now.
Dorothy: Well, sure you can, honey. I'll help you: food, clothing, shelter.
Rose: Oh come on, it's not that serious.
Dorothy: Yes, it could be. Rose, you and I are in the same boat. If we miss a couple of paychecks, we are in big trouble.
Blanche: Thank God I had the foresight to marry money.
Dorothy: Tramp!

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Dorothy, my main concern is making sure those miserable people can find other sources of help. Then I'll get a job. I'm dependable, friendly, loyal, eager.
Dorothy: That's great. If she learns to catch a Frisbee in her teeth, she can get work as a golden retriever.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Don't worry, will you? I will get a job. There's always a job for people who aren't afraid of hard work. That's what my father used to say.
Dorothy: Yeah, he was talking about milking cows in Minnesota!

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Mr. Viner's depressed. Mrs. Gibson's despondent. Mr. Duvalier's been deported. Why, oh, why, can't grief take a holiday?
Dorothy: Oh, it does, Rose, it does. Eventually, it comes to Miami like everyone else.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, my God. I don't believe it! Barry Glick is in town. Oh, I haven't seen him since high school. Barry Glick! Ma, Ma, look, look, Barry Glick! Oh boy, did I have the hots for him! He says he wants to get together next week!
Sophia: You're gonna see him?
Dorothy: See him? If he's within 50 pounds of where he used to be, I'm going to marry him!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I hate phone calls in the middle of the night. Now I'll never get back to sleep. I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo.
Dorothy: Boy, that's pretty jumpy.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh, Rose. Rose, honey, now why didn't you tell us what was going on?
Rose: Because you can't help me find a job. Because nobody or nothing can make me young again.
Dorothy: Oh, all right, Rose, so your life isn't the same as it used to be. The rules have changed, but it's happened before, hasn't it? I mean, what did you do after Charlie died?
Rose: Buried him.
Dorothy: I mean, what did you do the next day when you had to start putting your life together?
Rose: I couldn't do it. I'd been a housewife for 32 years. I totally depended on Charlie.
Dorothy: Yeah, but the point is, eventually you did what you had to do. You took care of yourself. Sweetheart, you're now in exactly the same position.
Rose: Not exactly. I'm five years older and nobody wants me around.
Blanche: Oh, honey, we want you around. We just can't afford to pay you.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I can't sleep, either. Why don't I make us all some warm milk? After I drink milk, I go right to sleep.
Blanche: I can think of something else after which I go right to sleep. Huh, Dorothy?
Dorothy: During.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Girls, we can't drink plain milk.
Blanche: Why not?
Rose: It's disgusting. If we're gonna have milk, we need cookies.
Blanche: Hell, if I'm gonna have cookies, I'm gonna have cheesecake.
Rose: Is there cheesecake?
Blanche: Chocolate cheesecake.
Dorothy: You bought chocolate cheesecake?
Blanche: Just for an emergency.
Dorothy: What kind of emergency, nuclear war?
Blanche: Depression.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Oh, you'll never guess what I found!
Dorothy: Judge Crater.
Rose: Cookies and cream ice cream, my favorite.
Dorothy: Wait a minute. We're eating dessert. We can't start with dessert. We better have something to begin with.
Rose: Sure. You can have some lemon chicken and smoked ham. It's all prepared.
Blanche: Oh, let's just start with appetizers.
Rose: That's fine.
Dorothy: How about smoked oysters?
Blanche: Oh, good.
Rose: Ohh, you'll never guess what I found!
Dorothy: Jimmy Hoffa.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Pepperoni!
Blanche: Uh-oh.
Dorothy: Don't tell Mom.
Rose: That could be an appetizer.
Blanche: Well, this is good. This is all food that would have spoiled.
Dorothy: Oh, boy. I am so glad that my date with Barry is tomorrow. The fat won't have time to show.
Rose: It won't?
Dorothy: No. It always takes a few days before it shows.
Rose: Where does it go in the meantime?
Dorothy: To Connecticut! How do I know where it goes?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: With me, the minute it goes in my mouth, I balloon up. I can go out to dinner, and in the middle of the meal, my pants are cutting off my circulation so bad, my feet are turning blue.

Quote from Rose

Rose: That first time, did you have..?
Blanche: Are you serious? Why, many times that first time. Many, many times!
Rose: You did?
Blanche: You didn't?
Rose: No! Oh, it was nice. Being near Charlie was nice. But it was five years before I knew what made your eyes go back in your head.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I thought he belonged to the other one.
Blanche: Well, I'm sure Rose won't mind one bit.
Sophia: He's a man. It's not like sharing a yogurt.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Honey, did Barry call?
Blanche: Not that I know of.
Dorothy: We're supposed to go out again.
Blanche: Sounds like lunch went well.
Dorothy: Oh, we had such fun. You know, Barry is exactly as I remembered.
Blanche: Come on, now. After 35 years, there must have been some surprises.
Dorothy: Well, a few. You know, his hair's a little thinner, he's put on a little weight.
Blanche: But is he still your fantasy lover, or has the fantasy become a reality?
Dorothy: Well, not exactly. You see, Barry Glick is gay.
Sophia: I knew he was gay. I could tell by the way he used to worship Buster Crabbe.
Blanche: Oh, honey, are you just devastated?
Dorothy: Oh, hey, what the hell? I mean, if I can't have him, at least I know no other woman can have him, either.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Hey, are we to assume from your cheerful demeanor that we are talking to a new hospital administrator?
Rose: Not even close!
Blanche: Oh, what did you do, take an anti-depressant?
Rose: Oh, don't be silly. But I was depressed, incredibly depressed. I didn't know which way to turn or where to go, so I stopped in at the coffee shop at the Fountain Rock for a root beer float to make me feel better. They make the most terrific root beer float. They have that old fashioned root beer...
Dorothy: Now look, Rose, get off the float. Just get to the point.
Rose: Well, after I drank it, I started to get sad again, and then I saw the answer right in front of me.
Dorothy: What, what?
Rose: A "Help Wanted" sign.
Blanche: Oh?
Dorothy: And, and?
Rose: I am a waitress at the Fountain Rock Coffee Shop! Twelve hours a day, four days a week, minimum wage and tips, and a 60% employee discount on day-old Danish.


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