Rose: I wish there was something I could do. I know. I'll make my famous ice-cream clown sundaes. You know, the ones with little raisin eyes and sugar-cone caps.
Dorothy: If that doesn't fill the void, nothing will.

Jean: I know what you mean. You didn't tell your roommates that Pat was a woman.
Dorothy: Well, they just assumed Pat was your husband. And I wanted to make sure it was okay with you before I told them.
Jean: Well, listen, Dorothy, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of who I am. I mean, you know your friends better than I do. If you think they can handle it, I'd prefer to tell them.
Rose: Here we are. Ice-cream clowns with hats for everybody.
Jean: It'll be our little secret.

Blanche: We're gonna have such fun. I know the best restaurants, the best night clubs, the best men.
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that insensitive of me? Maybe you're not ready for men yet.
Sophia: You don't know the half of it.

Blanche: Sophia. Where have you been? I thought you were taking a nap.
Sophia: I went to the video store.
Dorothy: Ma, I told you I'd go.
Sophia: Forget it. The last time you brought back Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. You know how disappointed I was to find out it's a musical?

Sophia: Not tonight, Salvadore, I've been cooking all day.
Dorothy: Ma, it's me. It's Dorothy.
Sophia: Oh, Dorothy. The way your elbow was poking me, I thought it was your father sneaking up on me.

Dorothy: Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
[Sophia sits up in bed and starts laughing]
Dorothy: Ma, come on. It's not funny.
Sophia: The hell it's not. Jean in love with Little Miss Muffet? Come on.
[Sophia and Dorothy laugh]
Blanche: What is going on?
Dorothy & Sophia: Nothing.

Blanche: Well, I'll never understand what Jean doesn't see in the opposite sex. But hey if that's what makes her happy, that's fine by me.
Dorothy: There's one other thing.
Sophia: Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
Blanche: Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe it. I do not believe it.
Dorothy: I was pretty surprised myself.
Blanche: Well, I'll bet. To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That's ridiculous!
Dorothy: Blanche, please.
Blanche: Now, you tell me the truth. If you had to pick me or Rose, who would you pick? Who?
Dorothy: Blanche, pull yourself together.

Blanche: Does Rose know?
Dorothy: No.
Blanche: Oh, good. I don't think you should tell her. After all, she's not as worldly and sophisticated about these things as I am.
Sophia: Absolutely. If she finds out Danny Thomas is a lesbian, it'll break her heart.

Blanche: I think I'll retire too. This is the night I do my facial packs and compresses. It takes me an hour, but that's why my skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom.
Dorothy: That must explain the urge I sometimes have to diaper your head.

Dorothy: Ma, did Jean sleep with you last night?
Sophia: Dorothy, there are a lot of things I want to try before I die... but that's not one of them.