Blanche: Oh, my God, Dorothy, I just had another horrible thought.What if Rose h ad a major stroke? What if she is left completely unable to care for herself? What would we do?
Dorothy: We would bring her home. That's what we would do. If she had a stroke, we'd take care of her. She's family.
Sophia: [clears throat]
Dorothy: Right. And then we'd send her to Shady Pines.
Sophia: Thank you.

Blanche: All I know is Rose is gonna be okay. And I am gonna stick by my promise. Boy, from now on, you're gonna see a new, improved Blanche.
Doctor: I've just talked to the nurse. Mrs. Nylund is in her room and she wants to see you.
Blanche: Oh, thank you, Doctor.
Doctor: Room 114. By the way, I don't think I caught your name.
Blanche: I'm Blanche.
Doctor: Well, Blanche, I hope I can see you outside the hospital. Maybe we can have dinner some night?
Blanche: Oh, well, do you... Do you really need to? I mean, do you really, really need to?
Doctor: Well, I don't really need to.
Blanche: Then I'm sorry, but I can't. [to the heavens] Oh, you are a vengeful God.

Rose: You know, I've never been afraid of dying. That's 'cause I'm not gonna stay dead. I'm gonna get frozen. I read a magazine article on cryogenics. I mean, they freeze you, and then when they find a cure for what you've got, they bring you back to life.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, there is no proof of that working.
Rose: Oh, they've had great success with the Arctic beetle.
Blanche: You have nothin' in common with the Arctic beetle.
Dorothy: Think that one through.

Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. I came to religion late.
Janet: I'd say.
Blanche: But it's never too late. And it is my fervent hope that the three of us, you and I and dear little Sarah, may walk the path of righteousness together. And now, if you will excuse me, I have Gideon Bibles for everyone.
Sarah: I miss sexy Grandma.
Janet: I'm sure a lot of people do, darlin'. I'm sure a lot of people do.

Dorothy: You know, Rose, you didn't get to go to your high school reunion because you weren't feeling well. Maybe if you'd been to see a doctor, you could've gone.
Rose: You don't understand. I'm from St. Olaf. St. Olaf is farm country. We're rough and rugged. We never see doctors. Never. In fact, my great-grandfather once removed his neighbor's appendix and he wasn't even sick.
Dorothy: Why would he do that?
Rose: Let's just say they were playing poker and the stakes got a little high.

Dorothy: Ma, what's wrong with you? You've been leaving the toilet seat up all week.
Sophia: Thank God, I thought I was losin' weight.

Blanche: Oh, girls, I have great news! I just talked to my daughter, Janet, and she and my granddaughter, Sarah, are comin' to visit in a couple of days. Oh, I've never been so happy.
Sophia: Janet? Isn't she the daughter who hates you?
Blanche: Well, that didn't last long, did it?

Blanche: Girls, you've gotta help me. What is somethin' the three of us could do together?
Sophia: Well, we could sneak into Rose's room, put on some of her hayseed dresses, then do imitations of her.
Blanche: No, no, no, not the three of us. I mean Janet and Sarah and I.
Sophia: Oh, the three of you. I don't care.

Blanche: You're no help at all, Sophia. Dorothy, do you have any ideas?
Dorothy: Well, you know, my idea of a good time-
Blanche: Oh, God, I'm dead.

Blanche: Rose, you have been looking pale and drawn the last two weeks. You ought to see a doctor.
Sophia: Blanche is right. You should see a doctor.
Rose: It's just indigestion, and I'm a little tired from working hard.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose, you're playing with your health here. You're crazy.
Rose: Oh, I'm crazy, am I? You think I'm crazy, do you? Well, I'll tell you something else. In St. Olaf, we don't believe in psychiatrists either. [laughs]