Rose: Sophia, be fair. At our age, it's not easy to find the perfect man.
Blanche: Well, maybe we have all dated our share of losers, but I personally have had my share of winners, too.
Sophia: Please. You've ridden more winners than Willie Shoemaker.

Blanche: Well, let's slice this baby up and see if we can solve our Sophia problem. Here, darling.
Dorothy: Oh, do you know how many problems we have solved over a cheesecake at this kitchen table?
Rose: No, Dorothy. Exactly how many?
Dorothy: 147, Rose!

Blanche: Well, this is unheard of. We're halfway through the cheesecake, and we haven't solved our problem.
Dorothy: Maybe we can't solve it. Maybe Ma's doing the right thing by leaving.
Sophia: Your brother is such a yutz. I just got off the phone with him and he had the nerve to ask me what I'm making for dinner tomorrow.
Rose: What'd you tell him?
Sophia: I told him he should have dinner waiting for me, not that I'm such a big fan of squirrel gumbo.

Dorothy: Ma, how do you expect to live in the same house? You haven't even gotten there yet, and you're fighting.
Sophia: What, this is Little House on the Prairie? You're at each other's throats all the time. There are more fights here than at Caesar's Palace.

Blanche: Honestly, Sophia, to hear you tell it, you'd think all we do is fight.
Sophia: Hey, I didn't say all we do is fight. We also talk about sex.
Rose: We already talked about sex.
Sophia: I'm shocked.

Rose: See, Sophia? We have great times together.
Blanche: And it just won't be the same without you, Sophia.
Sophia: Hey, this isn't easy for me either, but I have to do what I have to do. ... What is it I have to do?
Dorothy: You're leaving.
Sophia: Then I better pack.

Rose: You know what I'm gonna miss about Sophia most? It's all that good advice she gives us.
Blanche: Well, I guess living all those years, she has a lot to draw on.
Dorothy: If she doesn't have anything to draw on, she just makes it up.

Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for it. I am gonna march in there right now and tell her we need her every bit as much as that old Phil does.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, forget it. Her mind is made up. If she's said it once, she's said it 100 times.
Sophia: [entering] I'm staying. Good night.

Dorothy: Come back. What do you mean, you're staying?
Sophia: What's the problem? You already rented my room?
Rose: What changed your mind?
Sophia: I just got off the phone with Phil. Actually, I got off the phone with Phil's wife. She's back, poor thing.
Dorothy: "Poor thing"?
Sophia: She's in a state of shock. She found out she couldn't do any better than Phil. Not exactly a storybook romance, but an ending's an ending, and there you have it.

Blanche: Oh, we're so glad you decided to stay, honey.
Rose: Oh, Sophia, when you were leaving, we started talking about all the times we've shared.
Dorothy: It brought back a lot of great memories. Ma, it wouldn't be the same without you.
Sophia: Hey, don't over-dramatize. Things aren't so terrific around here. ... The hell they're not. Things are terrific here!