Rose: Hi, Blanche. Shouldn't you be lying down?
Blanche: Yes, but I'm tired of being on my back. Did I just say that?

Sophia: What's all the commotion? Oh, boy.
Michael: Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.
Sophia: Please, I'm 80 years old. I may not remember what it feels like, but I sure as hell remember what it looks like.

Blanche: Oh, girls, look. Believe me. Nobody could be more upset about what happened last night than I am, but I was just trying to be hospitable, I swear. I sent the kids to the symphony to hear Henry Mancini's tribute to the Pink Panther. I didn't expect them to come back here and jump into bed. Besides, it's not the end of the world. These things do happen. Why, the same thing happened to me when I was in my early 20s. I was taking some classes at Miss McGyver's finishing school. And one night, Bobby Jo Springer had escorted me back to my dormitory after the annual Fine Manners ball, when an innocent good-night kiss developed into an evening of passion. But at 3am, the door flung open and there stood Miss McGyver, making one of those bed checks she was famous for. I tried to handle the whole thing like a lady. I waved politely over Bobby Jo's shoulder with my foot... but she was unmoved. Next day, she sat me down, gave me a stern lecture and kicked me out of school. Only, I didn't care. I knew what ecstasy was. All she could do was walk around with a dictionary on her head.

Blanche: Alright, fine. I just thought maybe they'd have more fun going out together instead of hanging around with me and three old ladies.

Blanche: Michael seems like a nice man.
Dorothy: Oh, he really is. But I'm worried about him. He's always been a little flighty.
Blanche: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty. Or was it a little floozy?

Rose: Bridget packed a delicious meal and drove me to the country for breakfast. We took a walk and picked wild flowers. And we rolled up our pant legs and we waded in the creek and then guess what?
Dorothy: Julie Andrews showed up, you all fed deer from your hand and sang, "If I Had A Hammer".

Blanche: Oh, girls. For the first time in my life, my body feels old. I feel like I can't do the things I used to.
Sophia: Rubber Woman couldn't do the things you used to.
Dorothy: Honey, it's only natural that as you growing older, your body changes.
Sophia: It falls apart.
Dorothy: Oh, it does not fall apart.
Sophia: For 50 years, I had the body of Chita Rivera. One morning, I woke up and my butt looked like the neck of a bulldog.

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, do you realize it's been four days since I've enjoyed the company of a man?
Dorothy: I know, Blanche. I've been marking the days off on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar.
Blanche: I don't think I can stand it much longer. My body feels like a Corvette up on blocks with its engine racing and the wheels just spinning and spinning with nowhere to go. I feel like I'm gonna explode. Dorothy, you have to help me. You have to do something.
Dorothy: Honey, there's nothing I can do. So get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand.

Dorothy: Are you suggesting that Michael and Bridget go out together?
Blanche: That is exactly what I'm suggesting.
Rose: Oh, I don't think so, Blanche. I learned a long time ago to stay out of my children's social lives.
Dorothy: Yeah, I'm afraid I agree with Rose.
Rose: It's like that old Scandinavian saying, "You can lead a herring to water but you have to walk really fast or he'll die."

Dorothy: Ma, what do you think you're doing?
Sophia: It's a funny little habit I picked up. I call it eating.
Dorothy: Look, Rose made this for her daughter. Now, you know you're not supposed to eat it until she gets here.
Sophia: Oh, please, there's enough food here to feed my entire village in Sicily.