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‘Family Affair’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Family Affair

207. Family Affair

Aired November 22, 1986

Rose and Dorothy clash when Rose's daughter, Bridget, and Dorothy's son, Michael, sleep together. Meanwhile, Blanche is on bed rest and it's not as fun as it sounds.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Hi, Blanche. Shouldn't you be lying down?
Blanche: Yes, but I'm tired of being on my back. Did I just say that?

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Alright, fine. I just thought maybe they'd have more fun going out together instead of hanging around with me and three old ladies.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: What's all the commotion? Oh, boy.
Michael: Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.
Sophia: Please, I'm 80 years old. I may not remember what it feels like, but I sure as hell remember what it looks like.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, girls, look. Believe me. Nobody could be more upset about what happened last night than I am, but I was just trying to be hospitable, I swear. I sent the kids to the symphony to hear Henry Mancini's tribute to the Pink Panther. I didn't expect them to come back here and jump into bed. Besides, it's not the end of the world. These things do happen. Why, the same thing happened to me when I was in my early 20s. I was taking some classes at Miss McGyver's finishing school. And one night, Bobby Jo Springer had escorted me back to my dormitory after the annual Fine Manners ball, when an innocent good-night kiss developed into an evening of passion. But at 3am, the door flung open and there stood Miss McGyver, making one of those bed checks she was famous for. I tried to handle the whole thing like a lady. I waved politely over Bobby Jo's shoulder with my foot... but she was unmoved. Next day, she sat me down, gave me a stern lecture and kicked me out of school. Only, I didn't care. I knew what ecstasy was. All she could do was walk around with a dictionary on her head.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Michael seems like a nice man.
Dorothy: Oh, he really is. But I'm worried about him. He's always been a little flighty.
Blanche: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty. Or was it a little floozy?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Bridget packed a delicious meal and drove me to the country for breakfast. We took a walk and picked wild flowers. And we rolled up our pant legs and we waded in the creek and then guess what?
Dorothy: Julie Andrews showed up, you all fed deer from your hand and sang, "If I Had A Hammer".

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh, girls. For the first time in my life, my body feels old. I feel like I can't do the things I used to.
Sophia: Rubber Woman couldn't do the things you used to.
Dorothy: Honey, it's only natural that as you growing older, your body changes.
Sophia: It falls apart.
Dorothy: Oh, it does not fall apart.
Sophia: For 50 years, I had the body of Chita Rivera. One morning, I woke up and my butt looked like the neck of a bulldog.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Are you suggesting that Michael and Bridget go out together?
Blanche: That is exactly what I'm suggesting.
Rose: Oh, I don't think so, Blanche. I learned a long time ago to stay out of my children's social lives.
Dorothy: Yeah, I'm afraid I agree with Rose.
Rose: It's like that old Scandinavian saying, "You can lead a herring to water but you have to walk really fast or he'll die."

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what do you think you're doing?
Sophia: It's a funny little habit I picked up. I call it eating.
Dorothy: Look, Rose made this for her daughter. Now, you know you're not supposed to eat it until she gets here.
Sophia: Oh, please, there's enough food here to feed my entire village in Sicily.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Honey, what happened?
Blanche: Well, I was in my aerobics class when I noticed this gorgeous man checking me out. So during the buttocks lifts, he motioned for my number. Well, I didn't wanna appear easy, so I rolled over on my back and flung my legs over my head.
Sophia: That's what I call giving him the brush-off.

Quote from Sophia

Michael: Mom, this is the best breakfast I've had in ages.
Sophia: Me, too. When we're alone, she feeds me lumpy oatmeal and black bananas.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Honey, how's your back?
Blanche: Terrible.
Sophia: What did the doctor say?
Blanche: Well, after saying I am the most spectacular specimen of the female anatomy he has seen since Miss Julie Newmar. He said I have a back problem.
Dorothy: Thank God you went to a specialist.
Blanche: He said no activity for a week. I have to wear a corset and stay on my back with my legs elevated.
Sophia: That's the same thing you did last Saturday.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: It's not that we don't get on. It's just that we think differently. I think he should settle down and find a job. He thinks he should be travelling over the country, trying to find himself.
Blanche: Maybe what Michael needs is a little exposure.
Rose: Exposure to what?
Dorothy: To plutonium, Rose.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Well, I remember the first time I felt I was getting older. I was visiting my daughter in New York. She had one of those old, walk-up apartment, five flights up. Oh, it got harder and harder each year to climb those stairs. And finally, one year, I couldn't make it without stopping. Boy, it depressed me for weeks.
Blanche: Oh, my God. Is that what I have to look forward to, 15 years from now?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: In Sicily, everything is set up. Dates, marriage, death. Especially death. That's why whenever I go into a restaurant, I sit with my back to the wall. Except any diner in Newark, where if you're against the wall, you stick.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, do you realize it's been four days since I've enjoyed the company of a man?
Dorothy: I know, Blanche. I've been marking the days off on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar.
Blanche: I don't think I can stand it much longer. My body feels like a Corvette up on blocks with its engine racing and the wheels just spinning and spinning with nowhere to go. I feel like I'm gonna explode. Dorothy, you have to help me. You have to do something.
Dorothy: Honey, there's nothing I can do. So get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Michael Zbornak, you get out of that bed right now.
Michael: Believe me, Mom, I'd like to. But in light of the fact my clothes are hanging on the doorknob, I don't think it's such a good idea.
Rose: Oh, my God. They're naked.
Dorothy: People usually are in this situation, Rose.
Blanche: Unless they're all dressed up in costumes. Sorry.

Quote from Sophia

Michael: Grandma, listen.
Sophia: You, listen. How dare you come into our home and act like a common gigolo? You've embarrassed me, your mother, our friends. Not to mention that poor, stupid, flat-chested girl. You've broken my heart. I'm ashamed to call you my grandson.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, sorry. I guess I'm still in shock. I've never seen Bridget in bed with a man before. Except Raggedy Andy.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: What do you mean she is too good for him?
Rose: Well, he doesn't even have a job.
Blanche: Well, neither does Henry Kissinger but he's still highly regarded.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Alright, maybe you don't feel like talking to me or each other. But at least talk to your children. Tell them how you feel. Only, just make sure after it's all over that it's brought you closer together, not further apart.
Sophia: Who are you, Mr Spock?
Rose: I think you mean Dr Spock, Sophia.
Sophia: They're both real smart and they've got big ears, so don't get technical, OK?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Maybe you're all friends again, but not me. I don't forgive, I don't forget, and I'm prone to growing moles. I can't help it, I'm Italian.

Quote from Sophia

Bridget: Dorothy, Sophia, thank you for having me.
Sophia: Don't thank me, thank my grandson.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Girls, how do I look?
Dorothy: Blanche, where are you going?
Blanche: I have a date.
Rose: I thought the doctor said you were to take it easy.
Blanche: He did, but I'm just going stir-crazy. I have to get out of this house.
Dorothy: Blanche, I think you should stick to the doctor's orders.
Rose: I think Dorothy's right.
Blanche: Oh, nonsense. Who knows my body better than I do?
Sophia: Any man in Miami not attached to a woman or a respirator.


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