Blanche: Dorothy, tonight I'm gonna be out front in a laundry truck.
Dorothy: Gotcha. So...
Blanche: If you hear screamin', don't call the cops.

Stan: You know, in a way, this apartment reminds me of our first place. Do you remember the first night we spent there?
Dorothy: Yes. And as I recall, I was trying to read then, too.
Stan: You're still mad at me, aren't you?
Dorothy: Yes, I'm mad at you. Every time you come into my life something bad happens.
Stan: Oh, you're right. You're right. You know, I wish we could go back to the beginning and try again. Go back to that first apartment. We didn't have much, but we were happy to have our own place.
Dorothy: Those were good times. You had gotten your first job.
Stan: Yeah. Back then, you could give blood every week.

Dorothy: Nah, I didn't bust out. The exterminator came this morning and the building inspector said we could leave. So, it's over.
Sophia: You don't sound very happy.
Dorothy: Well, to tell you the truth, I'm a little confused.
Sophia: About what?
Dorothy: About Stan.
Sophia: Oh, geez, you didn't shack up with him again?

Stan: You know, last night after Marvin got us bailed out, I went to a bar up the street, and while I was there, it dawned on me. If we use Mitchelson, we're gonna look like the rich slum lords we're not.
Dorothy: Well, then, who are we using?
Stan: Well, as luck would have it, I met somebody at the bar who doesn't have that much experience, but I was very impressed.
Tracy: Boy, Stan, it's jumping out there.
Dorothy: Is this what impressed you?
Stan: Believe me, Dorothy, she's very bright.
Dorothy: Really?
Stan: I'm telling you, we were the only two in the bar who got the jokes on the cocktail napkins.

Stan: You know, Dorothy, in some ways we're lucky. How many people get locked up with someone they're attracted to?
Dorothy: I don't know. The name Marion Barry comes to mind.

Peterson: Isn't it true, Mrs. Devereaux, that Mrs. Zbornak is the kind of person who likes to see people suffer?
Blanche: No.
Peterson: And isn't it true that from time to time she bullies the women she lives with?
Blanche: No.
Peterson: For the record, Your Honor, this witness has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Blanche, what did Dorothy really feel about Angelo's building?
Blanche: She said she didn't care about it, that she'd never cared about it.

Stan: [playing harmonica]
Dorothy: I asked you not to do that.
Stan: I know, but I'm going stir crazy. There's no way out. No way out.
Dorothy: Stanley, they let you keep your belt and shoe laces. Think about that.