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‘Dorothy's Prized Pupil’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Dorothy's Prized Pupil

221. Dorothy's Prized Pupil

Aired March 14, 1987

Dorothy is distraught when her star pupil's moving essay about coming to America attracts the attention of the INS.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I know just how Dorothy feels. When I was young girl, I witnessed a horse theft on my Grandaddy's plantation. Well, I screamed for help. My Grandaddy jumped up on his stallion and rode that horse thief down. And then, to teach me a lesson about the justice system, Grandaddy dragged that horse thief into court, with me as the star witness. I had to testify in front of a packed courtroom.
Rose: You must have been terrified.
Blanche: Oh, honey, I was. I didn't know what to wear. I only had two dresses with me. One bright one, suitable for weddings or a cotillion, and one darker one, more suitable for funerals or a hanging.
Dorothy: Blanche, see, my folks were poor. I just had one of those reversible hanging/cotillion dresses.
Blanche: Well, I picked the bright one. Now, when I took the stand, a hush fell over that courtroom. I told the judge exactly what I'd seen, and after my testimony, that horse thief's fate was sealed. Justice won the day!
Dorothy: Blanche, what the hell has that got to do with what's going on now?
Blanche: Well, like any good story, mine was deliberately ambiguous, thus affording the listener the opportunity to glean from it whatever he may. Besides, I just hate it when I'm left out of conversations.

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, that's a great idea! I just love surprise parties. I remember, every year on my birthday, George would take me to the Country Club. And every year, he would say would just have a nice, quiet little dinner. Then we'd walk into the dining room and the lights would go on, and our friends, all from the finest families, would yell, "Surprise!" And every year I'd pretend to be surprised. It always made George so happy.
Dorothy: Good Lord, how could you fake it every year?
Blanche: Well, Dorothy, when we were first married, I faked it three times a week. That always made George happy, too.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I've only been to one surprise party in my life, but I'll never forget it. It was for Grandma Nylund's 100th birthday. She was from a whaling village in the old country, so we kind of made that the theme of the party. We all dressed as Vikings, with helmets and spears. And we all crowded into her little room up over the barn, and she walked in and lit a candle. And we yelled, "Surprise!" And she dropped dead right there. We all thought that was such a nice way to go.

Quote from Rose

Rose: For one week I am going to be your personal videnfrogen.
Blanche: Can one woman do that for another?
Dorothy: Only if they're the same height. What the hell is a weedenfrurgen?
Rose: Videnfrogen. It's a personal servant. It's the only way to make up for something like this. Oh, we've done it in my family for years. Ever since Uncle Ben lost Lars Olsen's artificial leg. It was the day of the big four-county toboggan race, and without his leg, Lars came in dead last. Oh, that was a day to remember.
Dorothy: I think every American remembers where he was the day Lars lost that toboggan race.
Rose: Well, Uncle Ben felt just terrible. I mean, he tried to make it up to Lars and Lars said he forgave him, but you could tell there were still hard feelings. Lars kept trying to run Ben down with his bicycle. But with only one leg, I mean how fast-
Dorothy, Blanche & Rose: Could he pedal?
Rose: Well, finally, Uncle Ben suggested something to clear the air once and for all. For one week, he would be Lars's personal videnfrogen, and do whatever Lars wanted. Lars agreed, and it worked. I mean, it always works. So, Blanche, won't you give it a try?

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: OK, girls. Let's go.
Rose: Good.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: Dorothy, I just can't take my eyes off that man's body. I want to see more.
Dorothy: He is covered with oil, wearing a loincloth. How much more can you see?
Blanche: I don't know, but I'm going down front and find out.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Girls, how does this dress look on me?
Sophia: What's the difference? In half an hour, it'll be crumbled on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Hi, Mario. How about a nice snack?
Mario: Sure. I'm starving.
Rose: How about a herring salad sandwich on raisin bread?
Mario: Oh, wow. I'm gonna miss my bus.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: The President is in town, so a bunch of us are going to his hotel to see his wife. I just loved her in Father Knows Best.
Rose: Sophia, you're a little confused, honey. That was Jane Wyatt. The President was married to Jane Wyman.
Sophia: That old crow from Falcon Crest?
Rose: Well, it doesn't matter, they're not married anymore. Now he's married to Nancy Davis.
Sophia: From All About Eve?
Rose: That's Bette Davis.
Sophia: The one who beat her kids with wire hangers?
Rose: No, that was Joan Crawford.
Sophia: The fat cop from Highway Patrol?
Rose: That was Broderick Crawford.
Sophia: The President was married to Broderick Crawford? And Mondale still lost? What an idiot!

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: So, what are you all doing?
Dorothy: Algebra.
Mario: Why do I have to learn that?
Dorothy: Because I had to learn to teach it!

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I'm crazy about him. He wants so much to learn. You know, he gets this look in his eyes when he's listening. You don't see that look very often. I think that that look is the whole reason that teachers teach. Of course, there's a similar look that means, "I'm gonna slash your tires." But an experienced teacher can tell the difference.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Blanche, I feel just awful about this.
Blanche: Oh, just forget about it, Rose. I never intended to keep those earrings my entire life, like my momma did. And my grandmomma. And my great-grandmomma, who fashioned those earrings herself from the Civil War bullets that killed Great-Grandaddy.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Rose, listen. I'm going to ask a question that I know I'm going to hate myself for asking, but whatever happened to Lars's missing leg?
Rose: Oh, they found it, at the annual Edelweiss and Jarlsberg Choral Festival. Uncle Ben had used it to beat off the wolves when he was setting up the bleachers.
Dorothy: Just as I suspected.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Now I know why they say lying out in the sun is dangerous.
Rose: Oh, Sophia, we've only been out here for... a little while. I don't think at your age you need to worry about wrinkles.
Sophia: Who's talking about wrinkles? I can't get up. My butt is stuck to the chair.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I'm sorry, Rose. I just don't feel comfortable having you work for me.
Sophia: I do. You wanna be my servant, Rose?
Rose: Blanche, I'm not talking about big things. I'm talking about little things, like doing your laundry.
Sophia: My laundry's more fun, Rose.
Rose: It's the only way I'll feel better about losing your earrings.
Sophia: Ever see panties from the '20s, Rose?

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, I just don't feel right about it.
Rose: You don't feel right about it? Well, what about me? What about the guilt that twists deeper and deeper inside me? What about the tortured days and the sleepless nights I've spent trying to think of some way to make up for this horrible thing I've done? Oh, Blanche. Don't be so selfish. Let me be your videnfrogen.
Blanche: Oh, all right. You can be my vleedenflugen.
Rose: Frogen.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I made it as fast as I could.
Blanche: I just couldn't believe you forgot the peanut-butter vanilla ice cream. That's Mario's favorite.
Rose: I was so sure chocolate was his favorite. That's why I bought it this morning.
Blanche: Oh, my goodness me! I think you're right. Well, whose favorite is the peanut butter? Oh, it must be mine! Just put that in the freezer for me, would you, Rose? Mmm, videnfrogens, what a lovely idea. If we'd had them in the old days, we wouldn't have had to fight that disruptive Civil War.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, has anyone seen today's paper?
Blanche: Oh, I think Sophia left it on out the lanai. Oh, just in time. Rose, would you fetch the paper?
Rose: Okey-dokey.
Dorothy: Seems like you've gotten more comfortable giving Rose things to do.
Blanche: Oh, well, deep down it still saddens me, but I think psychologically it's very important to Rose. I'm just careful not to give her anything too demeaning.
Rose: Here it is. Should I read it to you and massage your feet, like I did this morning?
Blanche: No. Why don't you just be a good little videnfrogen and keep your mouth shut.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Blanche, could you come out here?
Blanche: What's wrong, honey?
Rose: Er that was Sam Burns. He found these in his love seat.
Blanche: My earrings! Thank you.
Rose: Aren't we forgetting something?
Blanche: What?
Rose: An apology.
Blanche: Oh, honey, you don't have to apologize for sleeping with Sam. Everybody does.
Rose: Blanche Devereaux, you sit down and shut up and listen. I did not sleep with him and I did not lose the earrings. You did. Not to mention my watch, which I didn't even know you'd borrowed.
Blanche: I thought I'd mentioned that.
Rose: No, you didn't.
Blanche: Well, I'm sorry.
Rose: Well, "sorry" doesn't cut it, Blanche. I've spent all week making your bed, making your breakfast, making your stinking tuna sandwiches with the crusts cut off. And for what? For nothing. Well, it's all over now. You won't have this videnfrogen to kick around anymore.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, Dorothy, you've had a rough day. I'll tell you what. You go on and get into bed, and I'll bring you a nice cup of hot chocolate.
Dorothy: Oh, you don't have to do that, Rose.
Rose: Oh, I want to. I'll bring you some cookies and move the TV into your room.
Dorothy: You really don't have to bother.
Rose: Oh, it's no bother.
Dorothy: Thanks.
Rose: You heard her, Blanche. Get cracking.


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