‘Dorothy's New Friend’
Season 3, Episode 15 - Aired January 16, 1988
Dorothy befriends a writer who is condescending towards Blanche and Rose.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: Go on, Barbara.
Barbara: I went for a walk in a crowded marketplace. A man came up behind me, put something in my hand, and said, "This is what you need."
Blanche: That happened to me once in the produce section at the A&P.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: What do you think?
Rose: There's something about her I don't like.
Blanche: Me, too.
Rose: I find her hard to talk to.
Blanche: Me, too.
Rose: She thinks I'm dumb.
Blanche: Me, too.
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: Ma, where are you going?
Sophia: It's Saturday night. I'm all dressed up. There's a car honking for me. Think, Dorothy. Remember something called "a date"?
Quote from Rose
Blanche: Rose, honey, would you pass me the tuffy.
Rose: Oh, with pleasure, Blanche.
Blanche: Thank you, Rose.
Rose: You're more than welcome, Blanche. You can always count on me to hand you the tuffy.
Blanche: I know. That's why I always ask you.
Dorothy: You know, I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company.
Blanche: Oh, at last, a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.
Rose: I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor, Dorothy.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Barbara, this place is incredible.
Barbara: Yes. It's the hangout for Miami's literary intelligentsia.
Dorothy: Ah, thank you. Well, I've never seen a menu with a table of contents before.
Barbara: Skip ahead to chapter five. It's the lunch menu.
Dorothy: Oh, gee, everything sounds so good. "The Crepes of Wrath". "The Old Man and the Seafood Salad". I think I will have the "For Whom the Stuffed Bell Pepper Tolls".
Barbara: And I'll have a turkey sandwich on "Catcher in the Rye bread" with a side order of "George Bernard Slaw".
Quote from Dorothy
Waiter: Here we are, ladies.
Barbara: I didn't order the French fries.
Waiter: Oh, right. You get the "Edgar Allan Poe-tatoes" and the "Ice Water Cometh".
Dorothy: You know, a little of that goes a very long way.
Quote from Sophia
Barbara: This is my date, Norman. He's a student in my creative writing course.
Blanche: I didn't know you taught high school.
Barbara: Norman and I are the same age spiritually.
Sophia: Hey, listen, if you can get him to buy that, more power to you.
Quote from Blanche
Rose: I'm having second thoughts about spending another evening with Barbara Thorndyke.
Blanche: Oh, honey, I don't think it'll hurt to give her another chance. Besides, we're going to the Mortimer Club.
Rose: What's the big deal about the Mortimer Club anyway?
Blanche: Rose, the wealthiest men in Florida go there. It's always been my experience that wealthy men make the best lovers.
Rose: Is that true?
Blanche: No. But if you tell them that, sometimes they'll take you to the mall and let you use their credit card for 45 minutes.
Quote from Dorothy
Barbara: He can't come to the club.
Dorothy: Why not?
Barbara: Guttman.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Barbara: Guttman. He's Jewish, isn't he?
Dorothy: I don't know. What difference does it make?
Barbara: Oh, a big difference. The Mortimer Club is restricted.
Dorothy: Barbara, why are you a member of a club like that?
Barbara: Because they serve a great breakfast and the parking is free. Besides, it's their policy, not mine.
Dorothy: Yeah, but you tolerate it.
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: Anybody want a lasagna?
Blanche: I thought you made that for your gentleman friend.
Sophia: He didn't want it. He said he had lunch already. So I offered to go to his place tonight and warm it up for supper. He said no.
Blanche: Sophia, the key is to make a man think you're not interested in him. Offering to make him dinner just made you look too easy.
Sophia: Please. Black underwear and pasties couldn't make me look easy.