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‘Diamond in the Rough’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Golden Girls: Diamond in the Rough

222. Diamond in the Rough

Aired March 21, 1987

As the girls arrange a banquet, Blanche falls for the caterer, only to feel he's not classy enough for her.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You're lucky you have a choice. My marriage was arranged. I didn't have any choice in the matter.
Dorothy: You mean, you didn't pick Pop?
Sophia: He didn't pick me, either. We learned to love each other, thank God, but it wasn't our idea. There were eight unmarried girls and eight unmarried boys in the village that spring.
Blanche: How'd they decide who went with who?
Sophia: Height. If I hadn't stood on that rock, I'd have ended up with Luigi the pig-boy.

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Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Rose, what are you doing up?
Rose: I can't sleep. I keep having nightmares about the banquet.
Dorothy: Oh? What kind of nightmares?
Rose: I'm at the banquet. It looks beautiful. I look beautiful. Everybody looks beautiful. And suddenly Charlton Heston walks in, dressed like Moses. And he tries to part the dessert table. And when that doesn't work, he rounds up the guests and leads them to the lingerie department of the nearest JCPenney's, where everybody starts making fun of the fat-lady underwear. What do you suppose it means?
Dorothy: That you've spent too many years sleeping on curlers.

Quote from Rose

Rose: If I ever got another chance at a second Mr. Right, I'd want somebody entirely different from Charlie.
Dorothy: But I thought you were crazy about him.
Rose: I was. I am. I mean, we had a wonderful life together. But I'd like somebody really wild. Somebody impulsive, who'd sweep me off my feet. He'd pick me up in his convertible Porsche and whisk me to the airport. We'd fly to his villa in the south of France, where we'd blindfold the orchestra and dance until dawn. And then we'd watch the sun come up over two steaming cups of cocoa.
Sophia: Cocoa?
Rose: With little marshmallows.
Dorothy: Marshmallows? Rose, you trollop.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: [on the phone] Give me a break! This is highway robbery. I'm a woman on a fixed income. $50 is as high as I'll go. OK. I'm desperate. You got a deal. 60. [hanging up] Oh, good news, Dorothy, I got you a date for the banquet.
Dorothy: Ma, I'll get my own date.
Sophia: Fine, pay 100.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, but I did learn that baked Alaska can actually be cooked locally.
Dorothy: Rose, I have an even bigger scoop for you. Mars bars are made right here on earth.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Blanche, did you hire the band?
Blanche: Rose is supposed to do that.
Dorothy: Well, I warn you, we may end up with the Hansger Flugenhaben Yodeling Quartet.
Rose: That's not true. They broke up. But the Sonia Van Kugel Tuba Band is free.

Quote from Rose

Jake: Hi. I'm Jake Smollens from VIP Catering.
Rose: Hello. I'm Rose Nylund from St Olaf, Minnesota.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Hi, Ma. Shouldn't you be finishing those invitations?
Sophia: I'm just here for a glass of water. The stamp-licking dries me out.
Rose: Why don't you use a sponge?
Sophia: I feel more comfortable drinking out of a glass.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: You know, girls, these last few weeks with Jake have been wonderful, oh but there's somethings about him that I cannot get used to.
Dorothy: Really? Like what?
Blanche: Well, it's a question of breeding. He uses his fingers instead of his knife to push his food. He tucks his napkin into his collar. He wears white after Labor Day.
Dorothy: Blanche, the man is a winner. What's the matter with you?
Blanche: I don't know. Maybe I'm just overly critical. That sometimes happens when you're stunningly beautiful.
Dorothy: Not to mention endlessly irritating.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: You are filthy!
Jake: I'm sorry, honey. I stopped to help a lady who was stranded by the side of the road, and I ended up fixing her transmission.
Blanche: Aren't there people who do that for a living?
Rose: Andy Granatelli does. Although he doesn't actually fix them himself. I guess he doesn't want to get his trench-coat dirty. But I hear he has this special school in Wisconsin. I know... "Shut up, Rose."

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, are you sure you mailed all the invitations? None of the Gs through the Ls has responded.
Sophia: Of course I did. They were in a shoebox I took to the post office last week. Unless...
Dorothy: Unless what?
Sophia: Unless I sent my best pair of heels overnight mail.
Dorothy: Ma, this is terrible!
Sophia: You're telling me. Now I don't have shoes for the party.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, Rose, you make it sound so terrible. It's not. Jake just doesn't belong with certain people. He's a blue-jeans kind of guy. This is a black-tie affair. We wouldn't have any fun.
Rose: Blanche, sometimes you act just like a woman I knew in St Olaf.
Sophia: Please, no-one say, "What woman?"

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you can't sleep, either?
Sophia: No, I'm sleeping so good, I thought I'd come try it in the sink.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I guess everybody's a little jumpy about the banquet.
Dorothy: Except Blanche. You know, she could at least have the good taste to pretend she can't sleep.
Rose: She's probably nervous about running into Jake. You know, sometimes, when people are under pressure, they sleep to escape.
Sophia: Dorothy's father used to do that. Unfortunately, it was usually during foreplay.
Dorothy: Ma, the man is dead.
Sophia: Longer than you think.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Come on, Blanche. What are you looking for?
Blanche: I don't know. I just know it's not Jake. But I'm not going to let that discourage me from finding my Mr. Right. And I'm not going to compromise my standards, either. I am simply going to look high and low, far and wide, and never lose heart, for I know one day my prince will come.
Dorothy: Now, what was that supposed to mean?
Sophia: I wasn't paying close attention, but from what I could make of it, she's gonna sleep with that little black guy, Prince.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Congratulations, Blanche.
Hunter McCoy: I think much of the credit goes to the food. It's original yet familiar, piquant yet comforting. Blanche tells me she worked very closely with the caterer.
Sophia: Did she tell you they were naked most of the time?
Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She was a witness to the Hindenburg disaster.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, girls, this time I have really done it. Thanks to me, the hospital charity banquet is going to be held in the Versailles room of the Bedford Hotel!
Dorothy: Blanche, the Committee is on a budget.
Blanche: I know it, don't worry I worked out a special deal.
Rose: But we can't afford that room.
Blanche: I know it, but don't worry I worked out a special deal. I told the manager, if he'd let us have that room, I would persuade my sister to sing for free in his piano bar.
Rose: You mean your sister Virginia?
Blanche: No, my sister Miss Susan Anton.
Dorothy: Blanche, how could you tell such a lie?
Blanche: He didn't believe me for a minute. He told me I was much too attractive to be related to her. But he gave us the room anyhow, 'cause he said he liked my moxie.
Sophia: And I bet you liked showing it to him.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Blanche Devereaux. I am Chairman of the Planning Committee. So, Mr. Smollens, could you tell us a little something about your background?
Jake: Well, I've been running VIP Catering for five years. Before that I was a cook in the Navy for 25 years. I can cook beef for 1,500 or Chateaubriand for two.
Blanche: No, Mr. Smollens, what I meant was, are you married?
Jake: No, I'm not, and please, call me Jake.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I once had an Uncle Jake. But of course, he could never cook. He also could never get through our family 4th of July picnics without unzipping his overalls.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: So, er tell me, Jake. Uh, how much do you think these meals will cost?
Jake: Well, that depends, do you want something simple or fancy?
Dorothy: We want something cheap.
Jake: I admire your honesty.
Dorothy: I admire your chest.

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