Sophia: Blanche is a very vain person and vanity can be a terrible thing. I should know. I used to be vain myself.
Rose: You, Sophia?
Sophia: What? You think I was born with white hair and a butt like Play-Doh? When I was a teenager, I was gorgeous. Eyes as deep and black as ripe olives. Skin as smooth and creamy as fresh butter. Hair flaming red like a rich marinara sauce.
Dorothy: Ma, that's not you, that's your lasagna recipe.
Sophia: Ah, shut up. Anyway, I was the most gorgeous girl in the village and I could have had my pick of the town's most eligible goat farmers. Until Anna Maria Alonso Paladino, known to her friends as Muffin, moved to our village. Suddenly, all the men, who were always fighting over who would get to keep the footprints I left in the mud, were after Muffin. So, I decided...
Dorothy: Wait, just a minute. They would fight over who kept the footprints you left in the mud?
Sophia: It was a poor village, Dorothy. What did you want them to collect, Fabergé eggs? Anyway, I was too vain to be the second-most beautiful girl in the village. So, I went to Muffin and I told her how I felt. That was when I found out that beautiful girl was even more beautiful inside. She offered to move to the neighboring village.
Rose: And you felt guilty 'cause you'd been so vain?
Sophia: Hell, no. I helped her pack. But it all backfired in my face because the next day, all the good-Iooking men followed her. That's how I ended up with your father. Boy, talk about learning a lesson the hard way.