Rose: I've gotta get to the counseling center.
Dorothy: Honey, come on, take the day off. Call them.
Rose: But those people need me.
Dorothy: What good can you possibly be to them?
Rose: Well, I'll be there, I'll smile, I'll nod. Fortunately, a lot of them hear voices. I'll just tell them one of them is mine.

Dorothy: Rose, honey. Are you awake?
Rose: I don't know.
Dorothy: Oh, that's good enough. I need to talk to someone. Rose, it's been a terrible night. Ted turned out to be as big a jerk as Blanche said he was.
Rose: Ted who?
Dorothy: Never mind. How did I let myself get involved? I mean, how could I allow a man to come between me and my best friend. Blanche is never gonna forgive me.
Blanche: I forgive you.
Dorothy: Where did you come from?
Blanche: Oh, I was hiding behind the drapes.
Dorothy: What is this, Hamlet?

Sophia: Rose? Don't worry. I finally found something to put you to sleep.
Blanche: She's asleep already, Sophia.
Sophia: What? After I spent all day making her this Sicilian sleeping potion?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, come on.
Sophia: Hey, this saved my Uncle Giuseppe's life. One swig and he slept through the Allied invasion.
Dorothy: Ma, that's ridiculous.
Sophia: Here, take a sip.
[Dorothy takes a sip, passes the glass to Blanche and then falls back onto Rose's bed]
Sophia: Wow, this stuff really works. I've gotta remember what I put in this. [exits]
Dorothy: [getting up] Takes so little to make her happy. Good night, Blanche.
Blanche: Good night, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Rose, good- [Dorothy collapses to the floor]
Blanche: Dorothy? Dorothy?

Dorothy: Blanche, what's the matter?
Blanche: You know that attorney I've been dating? I caught him handling melons at the A&P.
Dorothy: And I take it they weren't yours?
Blanche: You missed my point, Dorothy. He told me he was a lawyer. Turns out he's a fruit waxer. Why do men have to put up false pretenses?
Sophia: This from a woman who wears more padding on her chest than Johnny Bench.

Blanche: Honey, why don't you just take a sleeping pill?
Rose: Oh, I don't like to take pills. I get slap happy and say silly things.
Dorothy: Well, we certainly wouldn't want that to happen.

Dorothy: So, Ted, what brings you to Miami?
Ted: Oh, I'll grab any chance I can to spend time with the greatest guy in the world.
Stan: My kid brother still looks up to me.
Dorothy: As well he should. After all, Ted is just a doctor and a pillar of his community. While, on the other hand, you were the king of padded toilet seats.
Stan: Hey, they sold real well for a while. They even put our daughter through college.
Sophia: They got me through some tough times, too.

Blanche: You know, I've never met a neurosurgeon before. I would love to hear more about your work. How about 8:00 tonight?
Ted: Well, that sounds good but I think Stan might have something planned.
Stan: Well, I did have ringside seats at the mud wrestling palace but, hey, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Dorothy: Elegantly put, Stan.
Ted: Well, I guess we're on.
Stan: We better get going, Ted. We want to get a parking space at the nude beach before those perverts show up.

Dorothy: Well, that was pretty embarrassing.
Blanche: I know, Dorothy, but what could I do? He just practically threw himself at me.

Blanche: You know, being a doctor it must be deeply fulfilling to be able to lay your hands on someone and bring them back to full, pulsating vitality.
Ted: Well, I've always believed that the body cures itself. We doctors just help it along.
Blanche: Actually, I'm starting to feel a little hot. What do you suppose could be causing that?
Ted: Have you checked your thermostat?
Blanche: Why don't you check it for me.
Ted: Okay, where is it?
Blanche: You spent nine years in med school. Find it yourself.

Rose: Hi, Blanche. Hi, Ted. How was your date?
Blanche: It's not over yet. What are you doing up?
Rose: I still can't sleep.
Blanche: I don't want to seem insensitive, Rose, but that's your problem. Get out.
Rose: Blanche, that does seem a little insensitive.
Blanche: No, it's not. You're just tired.