Dorothy: Come on in, Stanley. We were just talking about you.
Stan: I thought I felt my ears burning.
Sophia: Maybe that cheap toupee you're wearing retains heat.

Dorothy: So what am I supposed to do?
Blanche: You have to make him stand on his own two feet. If I were you, I'd kick him out.
Dorothy: You really think I should do that?
Blanche: Kick him out. I know it sounds hard and cruel, Dorothy, but I've been reading about that very thing. It's called "rough love."
Dorothy: No, I think it's "tough love."
Blanche: Well, see there? Now, we've both come up with something we oughta try.

Dorothy: Rose, what the hell are you listening to?
Rose: It's a relaxation tape. The rain is supposed to relax me.
Dorothy: Is it working?
Rose: Not really. I keep worrying that I left my car windows down.

Dorothy: I am going crazy wondering where he is. I mean, he could be sleeping under a pier, for all I know. Or in some flophouse. Or out on the street.
Sophia: Michael called. He's staying with Stan.
Dorothy: Oh, God, it's even worse than I thought!

Dorothy: Oh, Rose, is your neck bothering you again?
Rose: Yeah. And I'm gonna do something about it.
Dorothy: I'm glad you've come to your senses. [doorbell] There is nothing worse than a pain in the neck. [opens door to Stan] I must be psychic.

Sophia: Michael, I want you to know I think what your mother did was right. You may not see it now, but you'll realize it later.
Michael: Well, I guess this is goodbye. [exits]
Sophia: See? I came around to your side.
Dorothy: You gave him money, didn't you?
Sophia: It's not like it's my money. I took it from your purse.

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I don't know if he'll ever forgive me.
Sophia: The day you left me at Shady Pines, do you remember what I told you?
Dorothy: Of course. You told me you'd never forgive me.
Sophia: But look at us now. Everything's fine.
Dorothy: What, are you saying that no matter how bad things are between Michael and me, they'll change?
Sophia: No. I'm saying that when Michael is 83 and his retirement home burns down, your... Oh, that's right. You'll be dead. See you, pussycat.

Sophia: Dorothy, taste this.
Dorothy: Mmm! Oh, Ma, that's wonderful.
Sophia: Yeah, smells fine to me. I don't know why they're recalling it.

Dorothy: Morning, Rose.
Sophia: Wait a minute, there's something different about you. Didn't you used to have a neck?
Rose: It's tension. It always goes to the same place. [sighs] My shoulder's tight and my neck gets stiff and I can't turn my head.
Sophia: You mean you can't move your neck at all?
Rose: No.
Sophia: Look out, behind you! [Rose turns around in agony] Hey, you gotta make your own fun around here.

Sophia: You know, it wouldn't hurt if you backed your kid up more.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, it's just that I hate to see Michael making all the wrong choices. You know what I mean?
Sophia: How could I know? My children made all the right choices. My son was a cross-dresser, my daughter was unmarried and pregnant. Hell, I was the Rose Kennedy of Brooklyn!