Sophia: So, big shot, did you get the tickets?
Dorothy: Can't you say hello first?
Sophia: Hello, big shot. Did you get the tickets?
Dorothy: Look, Ma, don't start with me. I've had a very rough day. The only scalper I could find had funny things moving in his hair, and he wanted to bargain in a dark alley.
Sophia: So what seats did you get?
Dorothy: I didn't get any tickets. I didn't think it was exactly safe.
Sophia: I can't believe you were such a baby. In Sicily, we did all our bargaining in dark alleys. How do you think I ended up with your father?

Rose: Look, if the tickets are that hard to get, maybe we just weren't meant to go.
Dorothy: Maybe you weren't, Rose, but two weeks from now, I intend to be sitting in front of Old Blue Eyes himself, live, in-person, middle-aged spread and all.
Rose: Dorothy, you can take off a few pounds by then if you put your mind to it.

Blanche: Well, I don't know if I can pass this course on my own.
Rose: Oh, Blanche, believe me, in the long run, you'll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.
Blanche: I don't know if I can. When I was little, I was always overshadowed by my sisters. They were all smarter and more talented than I was. Then when I was 16, I discovered I had a talent, too, the talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.
Dorothy: Blanche, please.
Blanche: After a while, I learned I could use my looks to my advantage, so I did regularly. I've done it for so long now, I don't know if I can get by without it.

Dorothy: Listen, you're gonna get an A in that class. We're gonna help you do it. As far as that professor is concerned, you should report him immediately.
Blanche: You think I should?
Dorothy: Absolutely. When I first started teaching, the school principal pulled exactly the same thing on me.
Rose: What did you do?
Dorothy: I reported him to the Board of Education. They investigated, and he was forced to resign. 'Course, much later, I found out that I was not the only person he had harassed. I was, however, the only person he harassed while he was wearing a corset and high heels. Well, at any rate, I spoke out, and because I did, a lot of other women didn't have to go through the same thing.

Blanche: Dean Tucker, what happened to me was really quite simple. I'm not doing very well in Professor Cooper's class, so he offered to give me an A i- if I would...
Dean Tucker: Do number five?
Blanche: Actually, number five, six, and seven-B.
Dean Tucker: Why, that's terrible! Were there any witnesses?
Blanche: No.
Dean Tucker: Oh. Oh. Well, that complicates things.
Blanche: Why, don't you believe me?
Dean Tucker: It's not a question of whether or not I believe you. It's just without substantial evidence, it's just your word against his, and a man's career is at stake!
Blanche: Well, so is mine, not to mention my dignity.
Dean Tucker: I'm sorry. Look, I really am. I'd like to help you. But unfortunately, there's nothing I can do.
Blanche: But that's not fair!
Dean Tucker: Miss Deveraux, life is not fair. I should know. I'm 43 years old, and until today, I never even heard of 7B.
Blanche: Well, I've known about it for some time, and as far as I'm concerned, you can go do it to yourself.

Rose: I got tickets, too. This is such a coincidence. I was driving down Biscayne Boulevard-
Blanche: No! No, no, no, please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio big band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle. Then bim, bam, boom, she won the tickets.
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. That's how you tell a story.

Sophia: So, big talker, did you get your mitts on any tickets yet?
Dorothy: As a matter of fact, I did. Three tickets, rear orchestra.
Sophia: Three tickets, third row center.
Dorothy: Ma, how in the world did you get these?
Sophia: Easy. I called Frank. I told you I had connections.
Rose: You know Frank Sinatra?
Sophia: No, Frank Caravicci from the fish market. He's always been good to me. Never a bad piece of cod. He knows Frank.
Blanche: Sinatra?
Sophia: No, Frank Tortoni, the dry cleaner, Tina's third cousin once removed.
Dorothy: Tina Tortoni?
Sophia: Tina Sinatra!

Blanche: Oh, girls, I have terrible news. I failed my psychology exam. I'm just beside myself.
Rose: Oh, Blanche, look on the bright side. It's just one test.
Blanche: Yeah, but this is my midterm. I could fail the whole course. And if I fail this course, I won't get my degree, and if I don't get my degree, the museum won't even consider me for that promotion.
Rose: Oh, I guess there's no bright side.

Rose: Whose theory states "A young man becomes intimate with his mother to get revenge on his father"?
Blanche: Well, I don't know who said it, but my second cousin Arlen did it.
Rose: I think we'd better try another question.

Dorothy: I am exhausted! I went to at least a dozen ticket brokers today. They all told me the only way I'm gonna get tickets is to go to a scalper.
Rose: Oh, you can't buy from a scalper. That's a crime.
Dorothy: Well, so is eating grapes at the supermarket, but you do that all the time.
Rose: I have to test them.
Dorothy: Rose, one is testing, 14 is brunch.
Rose: Good lord, I'm a criminal.