Sophia: Don't panic, I'm fine. I haven't had that much. Besides, you think I'd ruin Roberta's milestone birthday?
Rose: Milestone? She's 88.
Sophia: Right. After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone.

Sophia: I think my milestone birthday was when I turned 50.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I remember your 50th. We were supposed to go to a party at Guido's, but you were fighting with Pop.
Sophia: Oh, yeah.
Dorothy: Oh, I'll never forget it. It was Brooklyn, April, 1956.
Sophia: Dorothy.
Dorothy: Yes?
Sophia: I tell the stories around here. Picture it: Brooklyn, April, 1956...

[flashback:]
Sophia: What do I have to celebrate? That I have a miserable marriage and I'm leaving my husband?
Dorothy: You and Pop had a fight.
Sophia: You love to show off that college education, don't you?
Dorothy: OK, why are you mad at Pop?
Sophia: Because your father is a miserable, no-good, insensitive bum!
Salvadore: [o.s.] I heard that!
Sophia: Good, then hear this! May you lose the three hairs left on your head!
Salvadore: [o.s.] Oh, yeah? Well, may you lose your tweezers so your eyebrows meet to cover the wart in the middle of your forehead!
Sophia: That's not a wart, that's a beauty mark!
Salvadore: [o.s.] On Sophia Loren, it's a beauty mark! On you and Khrushchev, it's a wart!

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing here? You know you're not supposed to leave the home. You're still recovering from that stroke.
Sophia: What recovering? I'm back 100%, knock wood. [knocks] Come in!

[flashback:]
Rose: Well, I don't see how anybody can hate birthdays.
Blanche: Well, because they are constant reminders that with each passing year our bodies begin to sag, our faces begin to wrinkle, our hair begins to turn gray. Of course, none of that's happened to me yet. But it's only a question of time until I end up looking like the two of you.
Dorothy: Blanche, you keep that up, you won't have that much time left.

Sophia: What time's the birthday girl getting here?
Dorothy: I told Roberta to be here at two o'clock.
Rose: Do you think she suspects anything?
Sophia: Please! The woman is 88. She still tries to find Gunsmoke on Sunday nights.

[flashback:]
Salvadore: [o.s.] I'm tired of this old lady business! You're acting like an ass! You don't look 50. You don't look 48. You're as beautiful as the day I married you.
Sophia: Oh, Salvadore! Tell me that again.
Salvadore: [o.s.] You're acting like an ass!

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Just listen. We are throwing a surprise birthday party for Blanche. I want you to go out to the lanai and mingle with the other guests.
Sophia: Check. What's a lanai?
Dorothy: The porch!
Sophia: Excuse me, Krystle Carrington.

[flashback:]
Blanche: Roger! Edgar! Burt! Leland! Well, what are they all doing here?
Rose: I invited everybody in your address book.
Blanche: The little red one by my night stand?
Rose: No, the little black one next to your hot body oil dispenser.
Blanche: Wait a minute, fellas. Now no need to rush off like this. It is my birthday. Who wants to be the first one to spank me?

Dorothy: Rose had planned a surprise birthday party for me. You were still living at Shady Pines.
Sophia: You mean the home. Say it, Dorothy. The home.