Sophia: No, the Curse of the Strega. It was a curse laid on you by Lena Pascerelli, our village witch.
Dorothy: What village? I was born in Brooklyn.
Sophia: Here's a news flash, witches can fly.
Dorothy: Why did she curse me?
Sophia: I don't know. Maybe because you gave her the cold that eventually killed her. The point is, on her deathbed she laid a curse on you. "Beware the leap year's full moon."
Dorothy: That's it? That's the curse?
Sophia: What'd you expect, poetry? The woman was on her deathbed. Give her a break. So, now there are three tasks I must perform before tomorrow's moon rise. Or you are doomed.
Dorothy: And the three tasks are?
Sophia: Kiss a fool, help a holy man, reveal betrayal of a loved one.

Rose: Actually, I'm very tired. I dreamed all last night that I was a car muffler, and when I woke up this morning, I was exhausted.

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I've done something terrible. I didn't think it was gonna happen, but it did. I am so ashamed.
Sophia: I'm sure you're just blowing this out of proportion. The Dorothy I raised is a good Catholic girl.
Dorothy: And what's worse, in the process, I have hurt a friend.
Sophia: Hey, a true friend will forgive you anything and love you no matter what. Just as I, your mother, loves you, no matter what. Now, tell me, Dorothy, what did you do that's so terrible?
Dorothy: I hugged Miles.
Sophia: You're going to hell, missy.
Dorothy: What? For hugging a man?
Sophia: For lying to your mother. I saw what was going on on the lanai.
Dorothy: It was just a little kiss.
Sophia: Little kiss? I haven't seen that kind of face eating since Silence of the Lambs.

Dorothy: Oh, Ma. Ma, what am I gonna do?
Sophia: We're gonna use this for your own good. Once I've told Rose that I saw you kissing Miles, I will have satisfied all the terms of the Curse of the Strega.
Dorothy: Ma, you cannot tell Rose. And I can't believe that you're still talking about that silly curse.
Sophia: I've worked my butt off for you. I kissed a fool, I helped a holy man, and I witnessed the betrayal of a loved one. That's a lot of work for a woman who nods off all day on the couch.

Dorothy: Ma, please, please, if somebody has to tell Rose, please, let it be me.
Sophia: I'm sorry, but that won't satisfy the curse. Besides, I'm doing this for your own good.
Dorothy: For my own good? The last time you said that you volunteered me for psychological experiments.
Sophia: Hey, the pay was good. And to this day nobody, nobody can make it through a maze faster than you can.

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, he's so classy. He's English. You know what that means?
Dorothy: You've completed your "Men of Western Europe" collection.

Sophia: Maybe the paperboy is right. I'm just a mean old lady.

Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened. But when life does something like this to you, there are a couple things you gotta remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great. Go get me a glass of water.

Rose: Miles, maybe you did it because you're just a little nervous about us getting married.
Miles: Well, I am a little.
Rose: Well, that's because we're rushing into it for some free honeymoon. Not because we're ready. And, Dorothy, maybe subconsciously, you were trying to block my marriage because you like me living here.
Dorothy: Okay.
Rose: And, Sophia, maybe you wanted to tell me about Miles and Dorothy kissing because you're just a mean old woman like the paperboy said.
Sophia: Okay.

Rose: Girls, I did it again. I won another giveaway.
Dorothy: Oh, what did you win this time? A vasectomy?