‘You Opened the Door’ Quotes Page 1 of 2
114. You Opened the Door
Aired January 21, 2014
When Adam decides to go to his first school dance with Dana, he asks his mother for help but he soon regrets opening the door. On the big night, Erica tries to keep Beverly away from Adam's dance, but their mother's determination knows no bounds. Meanwhile, Murray finally gives Barry the "birds and the bees" talk, but it doesn't go to plan.
Quote from Erica
Erica: I sent her a letter from camp saying I was homesick. And the next night, she showed up in the top bunk. Look, this is a picture of us in a canoe together! Never again, Adam. Never again!
Quote from Murray
Barry: Dads are supposed to teach their kids stuff how to throw a fast ball, and change a tire, and shave. You never taught me anything!
Murray: In my defense, I know very little.
Quote from Adam
Dana: You okay?
Adam: Me? Yeah, (chuckles) been working out a lot. My quads locked up on me. That ever happen to you?
Dana: Umm, no.
Adam: Das coo', das coo'.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Adam, hurry up! We're late for your dentist appointment. Do you need to make? Make poo-poos? I know you refuse to go at school, but we don't have time to stop at home, so if you have to make poo-poos, then make poo-poos here.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: So, then, Dana asked Adam if he was going to the dance, and Adam said yes. So, then, she said to save her a dance.
Murray: How do you know all this if you were in the car?
Beverly: Sometimes a mother just knows. And I trained myself to read lips a little bit.
Quote from Adam
Adam: No snuggies! No snuggies!
Beverly: You smell like the dryer.
Adam: No snuggies!
Beverly: Honey, you're so yummy!
Adam: That's not cool. I'm out of here. But thanks for the help! And just to be clear, I know I'm yelling, but I'm actually very appreciative!
Quote from Murray
Barry: I do have one question. Is it true you can get a girl pregnant if you French kiss her after midnight?
Murray: What are you talking about?
Barry: Like in the movie "Gremlins." If you kiss after midnight, the saliva goes into her tummy, and 'cause of her hormones and the moon, six weeks later, a baby comes out.
Murray: Gremlins!? You think- How could you even- Ugh!
Barry: Where are you going?
Murray: I got to regroup! I wasn't prepared for this! I need to prepare.
Quote from Murray
Murray: I never thought that I would ever say this to you, but you're over-thinking this, you moron.
Quote from Beverly
Teacher: Mrs. Goldberg, Mrs. Goldberg! It's time to go home.
Beverly: Mmm, dances don't really end, and the invitation for this one said, - "6:00 to question mark", so-
Teacher: That was a 9.
Quote from Pops
Pops: Want some company?
Murray: I am a terrible father.
Pops: I'll take that as a yes.
Murray: I don't even know how to talk to my kids.
Pops: I'm aware.
Murray: I always thought that I would do everything different than my Dad did. And look at me, I'm just like him.
Pops: Murray, you're nothing like him.
Murray: What are you talking about? We both look alike. We both scream all the time. We both walk around in our underwear.
Pops: But your dad would never be out here right now, feeling like this. And that's why you're different.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Oh, my god! I'm fine! Just let me in and let's go!
Beverly: Well, first, tell me who that girl was.
Adam: What girl? There was no girl.
Beverly: You were talking to Dana Caldwell.
Adam: Why do you ask me a question if you already know the answer? Unlock the door!
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Our baby has his first girlfriend. I think you know what that means. It's time for the talk.
Murray: What talk?
Beverly: You know, about the birds and the bees and what they do when they've had a couple of white wines and put on a Lionel Richie record?
Quote from Murray
Beverly: Well, do it now.
Murray: What's the rush? There's not, like, a line outside of his bedroom.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Got a problem Barry can solve?
Adam: No, you'll just make fun of me.
Barry: What? I would never do that.
Adam: Fine, I need someone to teach me how to dance.
Barry: Ha! Loser! But you came to the right guy.
Adam: But I'm not coming to you.
Barry: Let's do this.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: And feel free to jazz it up with some head movements. No one's gonna tell you you're moving your head too much.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Well, this has been great. See ya!
Beverly: Wait a minute, mister.
Adam: No. No way. Not interested.
Beverly: Sweetie, I know you better than anyone. I know this is what's stressing you out. Hand placement, where do you look, how do you keep from stepping on her feet?
Adam: Those are all valid questions, yes.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Let's do this.
Beverly: First, you, uh, put your hands on my waist.
Adam: No, thank you.
Beverly: Adam, I'm your mother.
Adam: That's the point!