‘You Opened the Door’
Season 1, Episode 14 - Aired January 21, 2014
When Adam decides to go to his first school dance with Dana, he asks his mother for help but he soon regrets opening the door. On the big night, Erica tries to keep Beverly away from Adam's dance, but their mother's determination knows no bounds. Meanwhile, Murray finally gives Barry the "birds and the bees" talk, but it doesn't go to plan.
Quote from Erica
Erica: I sent her a letter from camp saying I was homesick. And the next night, she showed up in the top bunk. Look, this is a picture of us in a canoe together! Never again, Adam. Never again!
Quote from Murray
Barry: Dads are supposed to teach their kids stuff how to throw a fast ball, and change a tire, and shave. You never taught me anything!
Murray: In my defense, I know very little.
Quote from Adam
Dana: You okay?
Adam: Me? Yeah, (chuckles) been working out a lot. My quads locked up on me. That ever happen to you?
Dana: Umm, no.
Adam: Das coo', das coo'.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Adam, hurry up! We're late for your dentist appointment. Do you need to make? Make poo-poos? I know you refuse to go at school, but we don't have time to stop at home, so if you have to make poo-poos, then make poo-poos here.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: So, then, Dana asked Adam if he was going to the dance, and Adam said yes. So, then, she said to save her a dance.
Murray: How do you know all this if you were in the car?
Beverly: Sometimes a mother just knows. And I trained myself to read lips a little bit.
Quote from Adam
Adam: No snuggies! No snuggies!
Beverly: You smell like the dryer.
Adam: No snuggies!
Beverly: Honey, you're so yummy!
Adam: That's not cool. I'm out of here. But thanks for the help! And just to be clear, I know I'm yelling, but I'm actually very appreciative!
Quote from Murray
Barry: I do have one question. Is it true you can get a girl pregnant if you French kiss her after midnight?
Murray: What are you talking about?
Barry: Like in the movie "Gremlins." If you kiss after midnight, the saliva goes into her tummy, and 'cause of her hormones and the moon, six weeks later, a baby comes out.
Murray: Gremlins!? You think- How could you even- Ugh!
Barry: Where are you going?
Murray: I got to regroup! I wasn't prepared for this! I need to prepare.
Quote from Murray
Murray: I never thought that I would ever say this to you, but you're over-thinking this, you moron.
Quote from Beverly
Teacher: Mrs. Goldberg, Mrs. Goldberg! It's time to go home.
Beverly: Mmm, dances don't really end, and the invitation for this one said, - "6:00 to question mark", so-
Teacher: That was a 9.