Bill Lewis: What form you like your pretzels in, Mur? Rods or twists?
Beverly: Really? It's gotten to the point where you're so lazy, even Bill has to get your snacks?
Bill Lewis: Hey, there's nothing lazy about my robust gentleman best friend here.
Murray: [happily] Thank you, Bill!
Bill Lewis: He just hasn't been able to use his left arm for three weeks because of a searing, fire-like shoulder pain.
Murray: [angrily] Thank you, Bill!

Murray: I'm not going to a doctor! They're scam artists!
[cut to:]
Doctor: Yeah. Looks like you just tweaked your shoulder.
Murray: Damn it! There goes another 100 bucks plus parking.
Doctor: Why don't I set you up with a sling?
Murray: Ugh. Here comes the upsell.
Beverly: I'm just so glad you don't have to move to a leper colony and turn into an eyeball and a couple of knuckles.

Doctor: How long have you had this mole?
Beverly: There a problem?
Doctor: No, it's just a bit abnormal. It's probably nothing, but I'd like to do a biopsy, just to be safe.
Murray: Ah, the "just-to-be-safe biopsy." Again with the upsell.
Doctor: Your insurance covers it. Head two doors down. It's not gonna cost you anything.
Murray: Hoo-hoo! You hear that, Bevy? This clown's giving away free biopsies. Quickly, show him your blotches.

Beverly: Doctor, quick question. Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.
Beverly: Don't sugarcoat it. Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.
Beverly: Have you no bedside manner? Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.

Adam: Initial thoughts?
Pops: Well, I I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, 'cause I love you, but this movie's complete hazarai.
Adam: What's that mean?
Pops: Yiddish for "a flaming pile of [bleep].

Adam: I know! Erica's band didn't even get through one song.
Pops: If anything, it's hilarious. They're like big-haired bozos who don't even know what words mean.
Adam: Wait! That's it! This whole time, I thought I was making a serious concert film, but really, this is This is Spinal Tap!
Pops: What is "Spinal Tap"?
Adam: This is This is Spinal Tap!
Pops: Okay, I know I ask this a lot, but I mean it this time. What's happening?

Adam: It's a mockumentary about a fictional band. It's one of my favorite comedies of all time. Look, here's a sketch from TV. You've got Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, Derek Smalls. They're such British morons that their amps go to 11 and they can never find their way to stage.
Pops: Wait. Y- You want to make fun of Erica? But your whole movie's supposed to be about her rocket ride to fame.
Adam: Does it really matter whose rocket ride to fame it is, as long as someone gets on the rocket? Mainly me?
Pops: You're very passionate, so I'll just say, "Go get 'em!"
Adam: Pops is on board! Thanks for always being there for me!
Pops: I really don't need to come over so much.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After realizing my sister's band was ridiculous, I became Marty DiBergi and would direct my own version of Spinal Tap.
Adam: [rec] So, this is where the magic happens, huh?
Erica: Oh, yeah. I find inspiration everywhere. This week, I'm really inspired by women being empowered. I mean, take someone like Gloria Tubman. She discovered the Underground Railroad and was the first lady to vote. She's my muse, which is why we dedicated our first cassingle to her memory. It's called "Don't be Jealous Cuz I'm Hot".

Adam: [rec] So, how long have you been drumming for?
Other Erica: Actually, I'm pretty new to the drums. But when I started, it was like I'd been drumming my whole life in here. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom, boom, boom-boom, boom boom. I have an irregular heartbeat.

Barry: [rec] Welcome to my musical lair. Got my many trophies over here. [clicks tongue[ Check it! Personal kara-te dojo. All my sweat gear. Wristbands, headbands, towels. Soaks it all up. This is my home studio. I got a list of words that rhyme with other words. Cat, bat, hat, mat, rat.
Erica: Dude, why do you keep filming him? He's not even in the band!
Barry: Yeah, I'm in the band!
Erica: You're not in the band!
Barry: You're not in the band! Get out of here!
Erica: You suck!
Barry: I'm in the band.