‘The William Penn Years’
Season 9, Episode 4 - Aired October 13, 2021
Adam's complete lack of interest in sports leads to disaster when he's tasked with filming William Penn's final football game of the season. Meanwhile, Beverly wants to buy the house next door when she finds out their neighbor, Arnie Wofson (Dan Lauria), is moving.
Quote from Adam
Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, I set off to win back my classmates.
Adam: Yo, Walls! Senior year! Hit me with your favorite memory.
Brian Walls: Eat a hot, wet dog turd, Goldberg.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Which they weren't exactly happy about.
Brian Corbett: You ruined my life. I was gonna put that in my hype reel to get into SMU!
JC Spinks: Here's a senior quote... "Every second of every day, "I want to kick you in the head."
Mr. Glascott: I say this as an educator... You [bleep] up.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my peers rejected me, my mom was looking for a little help from her friends.
Quote from Beverly
Virginia Kremp: Why don't you seduce him with home-cooked meals and baked goods?
Beverly: Or... Essie actually seduces him.
Essie Karp: Excuse me, now?
Beverly: Come on, you're single and ready to mangle. Let's fix your hair and makeup and send you over there.
Essie Karp: What's wrong with my hair and makeup?
Erica: Mom, I shouldn't have to say this again, but sending your friends to do adult favors is no way to get a house.
Beverly: Do you have any better ideas?
Geoff: Ooh, write a letter. That's what my parents did when they bought their house.
Linda Schwartz: Lou and I wrote a note that was so moving and heartfelt that the nice, old lady wept in my arms.
Beverly: Of course. A heartfelt letter. Oh. But instead of Geoff's stupid idea, we'll do my thing. Kids, follow me.
Geoff: I'm insulted, but along for the ride.
Quote from Beverly
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so my mom took a shot at doing what she does best... Emotional manipulation.
Beverly: Listen, I know you have issues with Murray, but I gotta tell you the real reason we need this house.
Arnie Wofsy: What's that?
Beverly: We're pregnant.
Geoff: The hell?
Beverly: They're shy about it, but it's true. Erica is with child.
Geoff: I can't feel my body.
Arnie Wofsy: Congrats. How far along are you?
Beverly: Oh, far enough along to know the clock is ticking, and they cannot start a family in that dingy studio apartment with asbestos and raccoons, right, Erica?
Erica: Uh, poison, woodland creatures, and a baby... It could all be true.
Arnie Wofsy: I loved having my grandkids close. Then my son-in-law dragged them away to the desert so he could start a magic club. Idiot. With his cards and illusion cabinet.
Beverly: Well, these two aren't going anywhere. Or stopping at one. She's got about, uh, five to seven more to spit out.
Erica: She definitely knows my body.
Beverly: Have you ever heard of a family bed? Well, ours is gonna fit three generations. Oh, speaking of three, let's talk numbers.
Quote from Murray
Jane Bales: You know, usually, during open houses, the homeowner isn't around, and yet, uh-huh, here you are.
Murray: Work around me.
Jane Bales: Hi, welcome! Come on in!
Woman: Thanks. [laughs] So much character.
Jane Bales: Mm-hmm.
Woman: Banister's a little wonky, though.
Jane Bales: You'll definitely want to replace that with maybe something tasteful and not gross, but the house has good bones. Just terrible skin and teeth and furniture and room flow.
Woman: Ugh. And the carpet.
Jane Bales: Oh, yeah. It's from a crime scene. Let's pop into the kitchen and see what else we can rip the ass out of.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out that one open house did make a sale... To my dad.
Beverly: [enters] Whoo-hoo! Old man Wofsy took the bait. 10% over asking in cash! (grunts] Look out, block! The Goldbergs are upsizing! We're moving!
Murray: No, we're not.
Quote from Beverly
Erica: You're not moving?
Beverly: No. I thought I could trick you into spending more time with me, but... I can't leave these memories.
Erica: Mom, we'll go, but no matter what, we'll always come back. This is our home forever, too.
Beverly: [clicks tongue] But I already wrote the check to Wofsy. Oh, damn it. Well, I guess you guys will have to live next door.
Erica: Yeah, no. Your little pregnancy performance earlier made living next to you seem not so great.
Geoff: It was the family bed for me.
Beverly: Then I think I have another idea.