Bill Lewis: Sweet Moses on buttered toast! Miracles do happen!
Lainey: Maybe pull it back a little, Dad.
Bill Lewis: I can't help it. I'm just so glad you're not throwing away your future on this boy-shaped bag of cheese.
Barry: That sounds like it was at my expense.
Bill Lewis: For sure, buddy.
Barry: This is going well.
Bill Lewis: To be honest, when I first met you, I was not a fan.
Barry: And then I grew on you.
Bill Lewis: You have not. But none of that matters now, because you and I are not gonna be family. Get in here.

Geoff: Dude, all you got to do is show this tale of personal devastation to your dad, and the gig is yours.
Adam: You don't think I should lighten it up a smidge? You know, cut in a rim shot or slide whistle? Dig a few chuckles out of it.
Geoff: Do not dig for chuckles!
Adam: Here's what I'm thinking.
Pops: [on tape] Barry and Lainey, words can't describe how I feel about you two. [fart noise] It just makes me burst. [deep fart noise] Your love is so special. [squeaky fart noise] So big. [loud fart noise] Thoughts?
Geoff: You got serious problems, man. Your grandfather just bared his soul, and now you want to fart it up?
Adam: I can't help myself. I can't not make something funny. It's the only way I can deal.
Geoff: Deal with what?
Adam: With my life in this ridiculous family and at school, where I feel anxious and awkward and desperately try to fit in!
Geoff: And keyboard farts help you fit in how?
Adam: 'Cause they make me happy. That's what big, funny movies and TV shows do for me. They let me escape and forget for a few lousy hours that I'm lazy-eyed Adam Goldnerd.
Geoff: Wow. That's really deep, man. I had no idea.
Adam: I think we both know what has to happen now.
Geoff: No! D-Don't do it, man! We connected! You got deep!
Adam: [loud, long fart noise]

Erica: How could she leave?! What about our band?!
Beverly: What about my future daughter-in-law?!
Bill Lewis: What about my current daughter?!
Murray: What about all my non-refundable deposits?!

Beverly: Oh, poop! We got to talk some sense into that girl. Where is she?
Adam: Heading to the airport.
Bill Lewis: That's where the planes take off! We got to get over there!

Lainey: I wish that was us.
Barry It is us.
Lainey: No, these two are just so ready to be together, to grow old together.
Barry: So are we.
Lainey: Bar, we love each other, but we're just two impulsive kids. We have our whole lives ahead of us.
Barry: As much as I hoped this flight would be the start of something huge for us, I guess it really means goodbye.
Lainey: For now.
Barry: Just promise me when the time's right you'll come back to me.
Lainey: Promise.

Murray: Hey. Let's talk.
Barry: I know. I'm a moron. I made you blow a ton of money on me. I'll pay you back somehow, okay?
Murray: I don't care about the money. I just care about you. Truth is I know how hard this is for you.
Barry: You really don't.
Murray: [scoffs] You forget that I was engaged to another woman before your mother. And like you, I was young, stubborn, and stupid.
Barry: And what happened?
Murray: Lucky for me, she knew in her heart that we weren't ready, and I took it hard. I thought my life was over.
Barry: I get it.
Murray: But then I met your mom, and I found out my life was just beginning just like yours is.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Barry and Lainey had always been the one couple everyone was rooting for. Sure, they were mismatched, but together, their love just made sense. That's why it was so heartbreaking they never got their happy ending. At least, not in this decade. Lainey's life took some crazy turns, but eventually, their paths would cross again.

Erica: I can't believe Pops actually said all this on camera.
Adam: Yeah, this one's a keeper, all right.
Erica: Keeper? No, you got to erase that.
Adam: Come on. No one besides our family's ever gonna see this crazy video.
Barry: If I were you, I'd just tuck it away and then use it at my actual wedding to Lainey.
Erica: Oh, God. Please don't go there.
Barry: I mean it. We will end up together. Maybe not now, but who knows where we'll be 10 years from now?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] As off-base as my brother usually was, this time, he might've been onto something.

Erica: Great, now you're gonna devastate her and completely ruin my life!
Barry: I'm so sorry. I didn't know this wedding was all about you.
Erica: Of course it is. Lainey is my best friend. I dropped out of college to start a band with her. Now you're gonna break her heart and drive her straight out of town.
Barry: You want me to get married just to keep your band together?
Erica: Could you?
Barry: No!
Erica: Well, then, when you tell Lainey, I got to be there to pick up the pieces. Ooh! Maybe we'll turn her heartbreak into a hit song about falling in love with a pasty sewer goblin who broke her heart.
Barry: I don't like that song.
Erica: It isn't about you. Now go break up with your fiance for me.

Barry: Lainey, please don't cry. I love you more than anything!
Lainey: Thank you so much for pulling the plug! Oh, sweet Lord, thank you.
Erica: What?
Barry: Seriously?
Lainey: I mean, when you proposed under the stars, it was super romantic, and I was like, "Hell yeah, let's do this."
Barry: That's what I was like.
Lainey: But then everyone said, like, "You're too young. You can't do this." And I was like, "Suck it, family and friends. I'll do it just to show you I can!"
Barry: That was exactly my train of thought! But then everyone caved and got on board, a-and it all became too real, and I was hoping you'd pull the plug, but you didn't, so I was like, "Oh, well, this is my life, I guess."
Barry: I was like that, too!
Lainey: I mean, I was freaking out 'cause marrying you would for sure ruin my dream of becoming a Hollywood rock superstar.
Barry: And I thought you were gonna hold me back from all my hopes and dreams!
Lainey: Aww, babe! I love you so much for not wanting to marry me.
Barry: Yes!