Adam: Can you believe her?
Murray: It's actually you I can't believe.
Adam: What's that supposed to mean?
Murray: Your mom. She sacrifices everything for you kids, her time, her life. It's all for you.
Adam: Still, she made up an embarrassing event just so I could give her a flower.
Murray: Because that's how far she has to go to get the recognition she deserves.
Adam: I guess.
Murray: No one gets through high school alone. Everything you did and you achieved, she was with you every step of the way.

Principal Ball: Next, throughout his storied career, this gentleman put it all out there on the floor of the theater!
Beverly: Adam did theater.
Principal Ball: His credits span from Annie to Xanadu, with two others in between.
Beverly: [voice breaking] Adam also did Annie and Xanadu and two others.
Principal Ball: He's a two-time president of the AV club.
Beverly: Adam was also two-time president of the AV club.
Principal Ball: And he made our school's first ever video yearbook.
Beverly: Adam made whatever that was!
Principal Ball: Everyone, make some noise... Mr. Movie, Adam Goldberg! [cheers and applause]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yeah, there was one more good thing about being a non-athlete.
Beverly: He's not here.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I knew how to make a dramatic entrance. [cheers and applause]
Adam: Thank you. Thank you. But, most of all, Mom, would you please... [Beverly appears next to Adam] Whoa. I'd just like to thank the greatest, most supportive mom in the world. Mom...
Beverly: Yes. I've got a half-inch-deep thorn in my hand, and I don't even feel it.
Adam: Sorry, Mom. I realized I didn't get through high school all by myself.
Beverly: My baby cherishes me and puts me on a pedestal! [breathes sharply] [cheers and applause] Oh! [both laugh]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, high school athletes were William Penn royalty. They were celebrated, they were adored, and they could do no wrong. Well, except in one person's eyes.
Beverly: Why do we even have a Senior Night?
Adam: To honor the people like Brea, who devoted so many hours to, um...
Brea: Volleyball.
Adam: Really? That sounds made-up, but I'll defer to you.

Joanne: So, Erica, what's on your pre-wedding docket?
Erica: Well, Lainey's organizing dress shopping.
Joanne: Isn't Lainey, like, lost at sea?
Geoff: No, she's at sea, and no one knows where, and Erica hasn't spoken to her in a disconcertingly long time.
Erica: She's just busy singing on that cruise ship.
Joanne: Fun fact about cruises, the longer the cruise, the more poo the ship is carrying back to the port.
Erica: I'd say that's more fact than fun. But the point is, Lainey is on top of it.

Joanne: Here's a kooky idea. What if I, Joanne, am your fun captain?
Geoff: Yes! My sister planning my fiancee's wedding events. We solved it.
Erica: Did we? [chuckles] Because as much as I love Joanne's wild-card energy... [chuckles] I do have a pretty deep bench of close friends to pick from.
Joanne: Well, if you change your mind, here's my business card.
Erica: Tom Wiggins, Assistant Manager, Kinko's?
Joanne: Oh, that's right. [scoffs] I never followed through.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] So, Erica reached out to her long list of friends, starting with her old college pal, Ren.
Ren: [on the phone] Hey, Lady! It's so nice to hear your voice. Sorry I've been so out of touch. I have been busy planning a wedding for my friend Jill. Ugh, it is so much work. [chuckles] I swear to God, never again. So, what's up?
Erica: Just saying hey.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] So, she called her next best choice, Valley Erica.
Valley Erica: Erica? Oh, my God. Like, hey. Michael, get down from there! Glenn, that's not how you use a mouth. Dustin, that's the cat's food! Word of advice, do not have triplets.
Erica: Triplets? How long has it been since we spoke?
Valley Erica: Not long. Things move quickly in Scottsdale. Gotta go.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then her real next best choice, her old high-school friend Carla.
Carla: Hey!
Erica: Hey. I was just wondering if you might like to plan some fun wedding stuff for me.
Carla: [inhales sharply] Ooh, I already have a job that I'm bad at. But if you need wings... I wouldn't get 'em here.

Erica: [sighs] So, I completely struck out and have no pre-wedding fun captain.
Geoff: You know, my sister's dying to help.
Erica: Yeah, it's just Joanne doesn't know me very well. But you know who does know me well? Me.
Geoff: Ooh, is this one of those logic puzzles, like where the doctor who couldn't operate on the boy turned out to be his mother?
Erica: It's the '80s. A woman can plan her own wedding events, can't she?
Geoff: Not sure that's gonna be the takeaway from this decade, but I guess.
Erica: Then it's settled. I will be my own fun captain.
Geoff: Yay! My fiancee has a shaky and unconventional plan.

Beverly: Earl, are you aware that the athletes in this school get treated better than all the other kids?
Principal Ball: I can explain that. They are better.
Beverly: Because they're all strong and coordinated?
Principal Ball: Not just that. There's also a swagger.
Beverly: Well, this changes now. I demand that all the kids who are not as gifted athletically be treated the same as the jocks.
Principal Ball: But then how will they learn that they're not as good?
Beverly: They are as good, Earl. And they deserve the rose-kissy thing, too.
Principal Ball: The what-zit now?
Beverly: When all the athletes fawn all over their mothers in front of the whole school? I want that for me. I mean, you know, for all the other kids.
Principal Ball: But no one cares about their ho-hum achievements.
Beverly: Then I'm just gonna have to invoke Title Nine.
Principal Ball: What, the law that prevents sex discrimination in schools?
Beverly: Then Title Eight. Or Ten.
Principal Ball: Darn my weakness for vague threats.

Principal Ball: What will make this all go away?
Beverly: I want the non-athletes to be celebrated and adored, too.
Principal Ball: Feign interest in non-jocks. Got it.
Beverly: And the rose-kissy thing.
Principal Ball: Yeah, you've mentioned that twice now. Okay, you win. The athlete-worshipping culture of this place ends, starting now.
Brian Walls: Yo, Ball-Man, can I borrow your ride? Chem lab's boring and I want to go get an ice cream cake.
Principal Ball: Sure thing, dawg. And, uh, when you're done with it, just park it wherever you want. I'll find it. [throws keys]
[Brian clicks his tongue] Okay, starting now.