Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sure, it took a while for me to find my voice, but I was finally a nightmare.
Mr. Woodburn: Goldberg! What the hell are you doing?
Adam: Just taking a load off at my new desk.
Mr. Woodburn: Oh, no, no, no. That's mine. That's where I keep my papers and my gum.
Adam: Not anymore, unless you want me to speak to your manager. Oh, Earl!
Principal Ball: [enters] Hi. It seems that young Goldberg has learned how to harness his disgruntlement much like his mother. So let the boy sit where he wants.
Adam: Smart choice.
Mr. Woodburn: Damn it!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry and Erica kept me on the path to being pushy, my dad was ready to pull out some of Geoff's signature moves.
Murray: So, Vic, what you got happenin'?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] First, there was listening.
Vic: Do I have bok choy in my 'stache or something?
Murray: I'm just listening, like I always do.
Vic: We were chatting about father-daughter stuff.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Then he echoed.
Murray: Chattin' about father-daughter stuff.
Vic: That's what I just said.
Murray: Yeah, yeah, that's what you just said.
Vic: Why are you repeating everything I say?
Murray: Why am I repeating everything you say?
Vic: I don't know, and it's making me wildly uncomfortable.

Murray: You know, when my kids went off to college, someone gave me a Penn sweatshirt, and I want to do the same for you.
Vic: What is this?
Formica Mike: Arizona State! Nice! America's number-one party school.
Vic: But Asha's going to Dartmouth.
Formica Mike: Swing and a miss. Those two institutions are not alike.
Vic: And I'm the one who gave you the Penn sweatshirt.
Murray: Are you sure?
Vic: Yeah, I'm sure!
Murray: [sighs] Vic, I'm trying here.
Vic: Oh, you're trying? What's my daughter's name? [Murray is stumped] Mmm-hmm. Exactly. And where's she going to college?
Formica Mike: Oh, come on! We just said it! You got this, Mur!
Murray: It starts with a "Z."
Vic: No school starts with "Z"! This is why I don't tell you anything, Mur, because you don't listen! And what's worse, you can't even pretend to care. [exits]
Formica Mike: It was Dartmouth. It's a good school. You know, Dr. Seuss went there.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out communication was my dad's kryptonite but my superpower had no weakness. Except this.
Adam: Oh, no. An adult leaving their workplace with a box of personal effects? Movies and TV have taught me that can only mean one thing.
Helen: Yeah, they canned me. Hope you liked your "edible lasagna."
Adam: I did, but not like this. I'll fix this.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Principal Ball had fired Helen because of me. There was no way I could let that stand.
Principal Ball: Mr. Goldberg. Are you finding everything to your liking today?
Adam: I'm not. It's about Helen.
Principal Ball: I fired her. Was that not good enough? I'd be very happy to do it again in front of more people if it would please you.
Adam: Opposite. I'm humbly asking you to hire her back. I was the one who was out of line. Her only mistake was permanent crankiness.
Principal Ball: That and the 17 unexplained absences this semester.
Adam: Really?
Helen: I'm a heavy sleeper.
Adam: Well, no one's perfect.
Principal Ball: Helen certainly isn't.

Principal Ball: She also stole many food items from the cafeteria.
Helen: You can't prove I was the one who swiped 14 gallons of liquid cheese to throw a nacho party for some sailors on leave.
Adam: What a long and oddly specific denial.
Principal Ball: And there was the unauthorized use of our cafeteria during Winter Break for a three-day "pajama-jammy-jam."
Adam: For God's sake, Helen!
Helen: I told you, I'm a heavy drinker.
Adam: You said "sleeper"!
Helen: It's all connected.

Adam: Petty criminal or not, Helen's a fixture here. She used to slip me extra pizza when I got anxious in kindergarten. Sure, they were lousy corner pieces, but once in a while, a pepperoni would find its way on top. So, if you could, just please give her whatever number chance this would be.
Principal Ball: That was a very impassioned defense of her character, despite all the evidence to the contrary.
Adam: I try to see the good in people.
Principal Ball: As head of a Quaker school, I guess that's something we should all strive for. Helen, welcome back.
Adam: We did it!
Helen: Not so fast. I'd like a raise.
Principal Ball: No!
Helen: Whatever. I'll get mine.
Adam: Still kind of a win.

Adam: Look, I never should have said those things.
Beverly: It's okay. I know who I am. But, more importantly, I know who you are. A sweet, kind-hearted kid who always sees the best in people.
Adam: You're not upset that I don't want to stand up for myself like you do?
Beverly: Adam, I was wrong. You being polite and accommodating is not a weakness. It's your greatest strength. Caring, compassion, kindness, those are your superpowers.
Adam: I wouldn't go that far.
Beverly: I saw what you did for Helen. That was pretty heroic.
Adam: Thanks. But it was probably a mistake. She's not great.
Beverly: Well, maybe not. But you are.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That day, I learned that maybe the best way to stand up for yourself is by just being yourself. 'Cause the truth is, listening, opening up, and doing the right thing, those are the superpowers we all have. The trick is having the courage to know when to use them. In the end, the greatest heroes are the ones who will be there for you, no matter what.