
‘The Hunt for the Great Albino Pumpkin’
Season 9, Episode 6 - Aired October 27, 2021
When Adam isn't in the spooky spirit for his first Halloween without Pops, Beverly talks Pop-Pop (Judd Hirsch) into taking him out trick-or-treating. Meanwhile, Barry tries to make a Halloween novelty song as Big Tasty.
Quote from Erica
Erica: Remember, you have to call me after Elvira hears this. I need to know what she says word for word.
Barry: You're a good sister.
Erica: Sure. Word for word.
Quote from Barry
Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I was down for the count, Barry was counting on Elvira to make "Monster Train" a smash hit.
Elvira: Hello, darlings.
Joanne: Oh, my God. You're just as spooky and beautiful as I imagined.
Elvira: Um, what can I sign for you?
Barry: A record deal. We, of course, split the gate, and I own my likeness, Big Tasty, in perpetuity.
Joanne: You'll find it quite fair, considering everything we're bringing to the table.
Elvira: This is starting to be a whole thing, and, uh, there's a line going back to the Waldenbooks, so...
Barry: Where's your Mistress of the Dark boombox, huh?
Elvira: I don't have or even know what that is, so if you have a song you want me to hear, you're just gonna have to perform it.
Barry: In front of all these freaks and wack jobs?
Elvira: You mean my fans?
Joanne: What he means is, once this crowd of weirdos and hideous loners starts grooving to Big Tasty's hot track, you won't be able to say no.
Elvira: I think you'd be surprised by all the things I've said no to in my life.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Okay. Jo-Jo! Drop a funky beat.
Joanne: [beat boxing]
Barry: [raps] # First stop, second stop, third stop, fourth #
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, Big Tasty was back. He'd dusted off his rhyme skills for the hottest song about a commuter train for monsters ever. He rapped his heart out. There was a verse about Dracula doing the Jumble and the Wolfman losing his briefcase. Finally, his novelty-song mic drop.
Barry: #The tracks wind left, the tracks wind right # Chugga-chugga choo # This monster train will bite! [record scratch]
Joanne: Oh, I knew it! One verse in, and the sultry vampiress loves it.
Elvira: I do not.
Quote from Barry
Barry: What? What's wrong with it, Elvira?
Elvira: First off, the monster train is just a train.
Barry: With monsters! Hello?
Elvira: Why are they on the train?
Barry: To get to their monster schools and businesses downtown.
Elvira: So they live in the suburbs?
Barry: Obviously. Because the city has been overrun by a bad element.
Elvira: Worse than monsters?
Barry: Elvira, I can't believe you're this literal.
Joanne: More like Mistress of the Nitpick.
Elvira: Thank you both for being here and happy Halloween.
Quote from Barry
Joanne: Okay, you can't give up. Let's get back into line and pretend to be other people.
Barry: What's the point? Geoff was right. This was just a dumb idea.
Joanne: No, it's not.
Barry: Joanne, it's over. I know it's silly. I used to think I'd be so many things in life... a rapper, a pro athlete, a business mogul.
Joanne: What kind of business?
Barry: I don't know, and I'm clearly never gonna find out. They're all just stupid, childish dreams. Big Tasty's dead.
Joanne: Barry...
Barry: Stop. You've done enough.
Joanne: I was supporting you.
Barry: By making me look like a fool? Thanks a lot.
Quote from Barry
Adult Adam: [v.o.] After his Halloween humiliation at the mall, my brother Barry drowned his troubles in an Orange Julius.
Elvira: Well, if it isn't my little musical friend.
Barry: Please, I'm not in the mood. Wait, you eat food like a real human? Are you even a Mistress of the Dark?
Elvira: Well, occasionally, I come into the light for a corn dog.
Barry: Everything is wrong. I don't know who I am anymore. It's just, I... I started to feel like I was losing a part of myself, and the only person who encouraged me to be that guy again was my girlfriend.
Elvira: She sounds pretty great.
Barry: She's the best, but I wasn't very nice to her.
Elvira: Well, there's one thing you can do.
Barry: I'm not gonna date you to make her jealous, Elvira.
Elvira: Any woman who would be supportive of you after hearing that song is worth holding on to.
Barry: You are more than the Mistress of the Dark. You are the mistress of insights into the human heart. Thank you, Elvira.
Elvira: [spooky organ music plays] Thank you, odd boy in a mall.
Quote from Barry
Joanne: Bar, I'm sorry...
Barry: Stop. You've got nothing to be sorry for. I was afraid of losing Big Tasty, and you were the only one who cared enough to make sure I didn't.
Joanne: I would never let Big Tasty die. He's a part of you. And I promise to support all your crazy dreams, too.
Barry: Good, because I got a lot of them. Like, way too many.
Joanne: My rap name is MC Joanne Rebecca Schwartz.
Barry: You rap?
Joanne: I don't know, but I feel like I can do anything with you.
Barry: Me too.