Beverly: Now all we need are some hunky headshots to prove you're not a total goob. Not that Edie thinks that. Nobody does.
Adam: Sweet. I'll go get my Vader cape. No, wait, not cool enough. Voltron helmet.

Erica: Where is he? Where is the man who helped give me life, only to ruin it with his stupidity?

Murray: You know, I I'm not usually known for feeling things, but that made me feel [quietly] sad.
Pops: What was that?
Murray: [whispers] Sad. [whispers] Sad.
Pops: Speak up.
Murray: It made me sad, damn it, like maybe I should participate in her life or something.
Pops: Maybe? Of course you should.
Murray: Fine! Will you [quietly] teach me?
Pops: Say he words out loud, Murray.
Murray: Teach me! Tell me everything there is to know about her.
Pops: I'll make you some note cards.
Murray: Thanks, Al. [quietly] You're a good person.
Pops: I know.
Murray: Oh. That you heard.

Murray: Pops gave me a master class all about you. Now I know everything there is to know about Erica Dorothy Goldberg. Age 17, who likes Christian Slater, Gibson guitars, and the occasional side pony, which is a hairstyle.
Erica: Wow, great. You learned a few things about me, and now you're, like, Dad of the Year.
Murray: Ho, ho. Card number 43, you cover insecurity with sarcasm. Classic Erica.
Erica: Stop doing what you're doing.

Murray: I get it. You're mad. I told Dave Kim that you loved him, when it's really Geoff Schwartz who you love.
Erica: Dad, stop!
Murray: What, you think I'm gonna tell Geoff Schwartz that you love him. That's Geoff Schwartz. I know that because of card 27.

Beverly: Schmoopy. Schmoopaloo. Schmoopy-booper. Schmoop de jour. Schmoopy doopy poopy soupy. Have a scoopy.
Adam: Stop saying variations of "schmoo" and go away.

Geoff: Hey. We got to talk.
Erica: If it's about what my dad said, we really don't.
Geoff: I really think we should.
Erica: Geoff, come on. You know my dad is utterly clueless.
Geoff: True.
Erica: I mean, what does my dad always call you?
Geoff: Jeremy or Jack. He called me Jorf once.
Erica: That's not even a name. So, yeah, he's, like, dead wrong.

Erica: Uh, Dad.
Murray: Listen, I know I screwed up with these stupid things, but, uh-
Erica: Thank you for making a mess of things.
Murray: So, you're not mad at me.
Erica: You know, it actually kind of worked out for the best.
Murray: I knew it would, Erica Dorothy Goldberg.
Erica: No, you didn't.

Barry: Wrong! If anyone's gonna be famous, it's gonna be me.
Adam: Please, what makes you think you can be famous?
Barry: 'Cause I can play any part. Badass action star, romantic lead, comic relief, plus I do accents. [in a Russian accent] I'm from Russia. Blue jeans.

Adam: Guys, look, it's RD Robb from school. I can't believe my best friend is famous and on TV.
Dave Kim: Dude, you said two words to RD on the school bus. Now that he's famous, he's suddenly your best pal?
Adam: We traded Matchbox cars in third grade. That's not nothing.