Emmy Mirsky: Wait. They all forgot your birthday?
Adam: I always thought "Sixteen Candles" was a delightful comedic premise, but when it happens to you, it's more shocking and hurtful.

Emmy Mirsky: So, where do we begin?
Adam: No clue, but I do know the coolest person alive who knows everything about throwing a badass bash.
Dave Kim: Erica.
Emmy Mirsky: Erica.
Adam: Better.
[cut to:]
Pops: You want a birthday rager, kiddo? I'll throw you one that'll make you plotz.
Adam: Sweet. So, whatcha thinking? We pull out all the stops.
Pops: I'm talking martinis, dollar stogies, fan dancers. Ooh. I got an in with the Shorty Flanders Trio.
Adam: Yeah, we'll go to Erica.

Erica: For the love of crap! I just got the electricity bill, and my dad is gonna kill me.
Geoff: Okay, calm down. I'm sure it's not that bad.
Erica: It's $906.
Geoff: "For the love of crap" is right! That's so bad and so wasteful!
Erica: Excuse you. How am I wasteful?
Geoff: Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'cause you and your drummer have incredibly indulgent energy needs?
Other Erica: Uh, we have to run the A/C and fans 24/7 'cause our tons of equipment runs, like, super hot.
Geoff: Yeah, but do you really need the sign?
Erica: Do you not want people to know the name of our band, unsupportive Geoff?

Geoff: Look, your dad is gonna kill you.
Erica: My dad's gonna kill me. I'm gonna be the most hated kid in this house, even more than Barry, and he's a high-school groom.
Geoff: Okay, all we gotta do is come up with a mature, adult way to solve this.
Adam: Erica! I need your help to throw a reckless high-school party that Mom and Dad can never know about.
Erica: I'll do it.
Adam: Seriously?
Erica: For my special guy? Of course. [turning to Geoff] Throwing a party is incredibly risky, and if you get caught, Mom and Dad will be livid, and you'll be the worst kid in the house, not me.
Geoff: No, no, I get it.

Adam: I can't believe you'll throw me a party. I thought you forgot all about today.
Erica: I don't totally follow, but I'm on it. [turning to Geoff] First, I'll get Mom and Dad out of town so they won't return tonight and catch you red-handed.
Geoff: No, I get it.
Adam: High school's gonna be as awesome for me as it was for you. Thank you, Erica.
Erica: Don't mention it. [turning to Geoff] This timing could not be more perfect.
Geoff: No need to look my direction. I know what's happening.

Bill Lewis: What the hell just happened?! She was supposed to scare 'em off with an open house, and now we're eating in another state!
Murray: I'll tell you what just happened. Our moron kids are brilliant. They used the baby card against us.
Bill Lewis: I hate the baby card. Also, what's the baby card? I'm so scared and upset, Murray!

Barry: Why, hello, angry fathers. Guess who just got Beverly Goldberg on board the wedding train.
Murray: Do you know what a can of worms you two just opened by promising that yenta grandbabies?
Barry: Face it, you lost. Now that Mom's excited about our foolishly impulsive wedding, you have to accept it.
Bill Lewis: The curly-haired sack of flour's right. Beverly Goldberg always gets her way.
Murray: But at what cost?

Beverly: Yoo-hoo! Look at all this adorable stuff I've had hermetically sealed in the garage. You're gonna need this, for sure. It's Barry's baby helmet. Yay!
Bill Lewis: Great. Not only are we having a baby, but its head's gonna be all cattywampus. Cheese and crackers.

Carla: Check us out! We're fancy, big-haired ladies, like your mom. [pearls clatter]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Just when I thought no more damage could be done... Actual damage was done.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Oh, man. Bench press got away from me. That's my bad, Alden.
Adam: My name's Adam, and your weightlifting mishap just caused major structural damage to my home.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: There's a throw rug up here. I'll chuck it over the hole.
Adam: Why did John Hughes make this seem so whimsical and fun?
Dave Kim: [trapped in a glass coffee table] Help me! I'm a human person! Even Long Duk Dong had more dignity than this!

Bill Lewis: I lost 2 grand, and it's still the best thing that happened to me today.