Beverly: I made these people, me. I made them with my body.

Beverly: Do you know what could happen in four minutes? You could drown, choke, eat poison berries. And if any of that happens, then I have failed as a mother.

Adam: Hang up! I'm trying to hack. This is a nightmare. I mean, I'm starting to think a major motion picture has lied to me about the capabilities of home computers.

Beverly: Well, I just want to hang out with my girls, right? Um, what do you say we, uh, read some teen magazines and gossip about boys? I'll go first. I like Murray.

Murray: We're talking about Louise Rubin here? Oh, she's the coolest.
Beverly: What?
Murray: Yeah! She'll cut the top off her shirt just to show her shoulder.
Beverly: Well, I can do that. See? I'm just as cool as the next mom.
Murray: What are you doing?
Beverly: I'm trying to expose my shoulder! Poop. I just stretched it out.
Murray: Stop stretching your sweater.
Beverly: Okay.
Murray: Stop!
Beverly: Well, I got to stretch my sweater out so I can show my shoulder.
Murray: Why won't you stop?! I don't know why you can't stop, but you need to stop!

Barry: Dude, I just saw the best movie ever. War Games! All this time I thought computers were for lazy-eyed losers like you, but they're actually bad ass.

Beverly: I'm fun, too.
Erica: Of course you are. Just not hang-out fun. More like a "I have a freckle and I need you to tell me whether it's worth being looked at by a dermatologist" fun.

Beverly: When you said you were going to the mall with your friend Louise, I thought that meant a girl from your class, not Mrs. Rubin.
Louise: Ugh, I don't want them to call me that. It makes me feel like such a mom, you know?
Beverly: Ohh, pfft. Yeah. That's why I like Erica's friends to call me Bev.
Lainey: Sounds good, Bev.
Beverly: Don't like it. Go back.

Beverly: The nerve of that woman, cold chillin' with my daughter at the mall. Erica should be cold chillin' with me, not her!
Murray: What are you talking about? You cold chill with Erica all the time.
Beverly: No. I only feed her soup when she's sick and give her boric-acid drops when she's got pinkeye. I'm in the trenches doing the important, boring stuff. But when it comes time for fun, well, she heads straight to Louise Rubin.

Beverly: 'Sup, ladies?
Erica: Why are you dressed like a giant doily?
Beverly: Just expressing myself like our gal Madonna.
Erica: Mom, that's El DeBarge. He's a dude. And since when do you like Madonna, anyway?
Beverly: Oh, since I heard her rockin' song about staying a virgin. It's very cool to wait.