‘Schmoopie's Big Adventure’
Season 7, Episode 18 - Aired March 25, 2020
Beverly is upset when Adam seems to have lost his interest in toys. Meanwhile, Erica starts working at Murray's furniture store to pay her parking fines.
Quote from Barry
Barry: We made more money than Dad ever has in one day.
Erica: I mean, who doesn't like money?
Barry: Ugly, stupid people who can't buy stuff. But if you do this, you'll be dripping in...
Erica: Diamonds?
Barry: Better! Butter. When you're eating lobster every night.
Erica: Gross. I don't want buttery lobster meat every night.
Barry: Then perhaps you'll like the finest timepieces known to man. Swatch.
Erica: I already have two of those.
Barry: Ah, how would you like 200?
Erica: I wouldn't. That's too many. You're absolutely terrible at selling wealth.
Quote from Pops
Beverly: When did he start boxing up his toys like it's the world's saddest museum?
Pops: I guess he likes looking at 'em now more than playing with them.
Beverly: But he's my schmoo. He loves to play.
Pops: Bevy, no one stays a kid forever.
Beverly: That's it! I'll make him stay a kid forever!
Pops: I'm not gonna stop you. I've learned to conserve my energy.
Beverly: I'm not just gonna give him Pee-wee's bike. I'm gonna give him the whole damn adventure!
Pops: The rantings of a lunatic. But have a ball. Again, I'm tired.
Quote from Beverly
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the 80's, my mom was obsessed with my birthday. She always went over the top. And over that top. So as I approached adulthood, I was hoping for the biggest present of them all.
Beverly: Get excited, Schmoopaloo. Your gift is right behind that garage door.
Adam: Ooh! I need to know... Does it have wheels?
Beverly: Maybe.
Adam: And can it take me all over town?
Beverly: Maybe.
Adam: And when I pull up to school, will the ladies lower their sunglasses and say, with surprise, "Adam Goldberg?"
Beverly: Definitely! [garage door opens] Ta-da!
Adam: A freakin' bike? Where's my GMC Sierra Grande, as featured in The Fall Guy?
Beverly: This is way better than a car.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Fat chance. But then I laid eyes on my mom's most over-the-top gift ever... An exact replica of the bike from Pee-wee's Big Adventure!
Adam: You didn't.
Beverly: I did. I'm officially the greatest mama in the world!
Quote from Adam
Virginia: Neat bike, Adam!
Adam: Thanks, Mrs. K! Neat lawn! [bicycle bell rings]
Dave Kim: Whoa! Is that Pee-wee's bike?
Adam: Sure is, Dave Kim! Are you rolling your harp home?
Dave Kim: I am! Your thing is way better!
Johnny: Sweet ride, Goldnerd. Can I have it?
Adam: Not a chance!
Johnny: Respect. You know what? Sometimes you're pretty cool.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Oh! How was she?
Adam: I know I say this a lot, but honestly, this is the first time I mean it... I love you.
Beverly: I'll take it. Now scoot your booty up and take your mama for a spin!
Quote from Murray
Erica: Then I guess if we had to cut corners and our safety wasn't important to you...
Murray: It's not...
Erica: Then we could fix it for $300.
Murray: Damn it, fine! What's wrong with it, anyway?
Erica: Oh, pfft, you know, just the usual "I got too many parking tickets and I got a boot put on, it's no big deal."
Murray: A boot?
Erica: You heard that? You typically don't listen to a word I say.
Murray: When it comes to money, I hear everything. I am not saving you from that boot. You're gonna work it off here in the store.
Erica: Here? Blech! Nobody really works here, right?
Murray: You do. Starting now!
Quote from Erica
Adult Adam: [v.o.] So Erica had no choice but to take the job. And turns out, she was kind of a natural. The customers liked her and liked buying from her even more. She sold recliners, sofa beds, really anywhere you could put your butt. Yep, she racked up the sales. She even sold stuff no one knew the name of.
Vic: What in the world is a davenport?
Erica: Oh, that's just a fancy name for a couch. But now we can charge double.
Murray: My little peanut is a selling machine. What's your secret?
Erica: Oh, I'm using a tried and true sales technique... Being helpful.
Murray: Hoo hoo! Who would've thunk?
Quote from Murray
Murray: Hey, this is for you. You've earned it.
Erica: Nine dollars?
Murray: Three dollars an hour for three hours. Nine dollars.
Erica: But it'll take me forever to get that boot off.
Murray: Also take these.
Erica: Keys? [sighs] Please say they're to a safe with more money in it.
Murray: No, they're for the store. You did good work today. I'm proud of you.
Vic: Huh. Keys. I've never gotten keys. When your family's on vacation, we just stay closed. Way to go, Erica!
Quote from Adam
Beverly: But you have to ride it. And plus, it clogs up the whole room.
Adam: It doesn't leave a lot of space for dancing, but at least I know she's safe.
Beverly: Safe from what? I bought it for you to play with, like all your other toys.
Adam: But I am treating it like all my other toys. Behold!
Pops: Look at that. All his Starboys and GI Jims are in little prisons.
Adam: You know it! I'm off. No one touch the thermostat. The best protection against temperature is vigilance.
Quote from Beverly
Adam: Somebody stole my bike!
Beverly: Oh, no! Who would commit such a heinous act?
Pops: Best guess, a crazy person.
Adam: We can't just sit here! We gotta get it back!
Beverly: Yes, we do. Well, sounds like we're in for an adventure. A big adventure. A Pee-wee's big adventure.
Adam: That's a weird way to put it, but sure! I'll go draw up a list of suspects.