Beverly: You really miss your mama?
Adam: Okay, fine. I do. I miss you getting me everything I ever wanted through fear, intimidation, and remorseless perseverance.
Beverly: That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Come to Mama.

Johnny Atkins: They're not the canned garbage that you listen to. They're real. They're from Canada. It's super-cold, so they have to rock super-hard to stay warm.
Erica: I'll take your word for it.
Johnny Atkins: Why take my word for it when you can come to my Corolla and find out for yourself? Unless you're afraid.
Erica: Of being alone with you in your rusted-out piece of crap? For sure.
Johnny Atkins: Hey. Johnny Atkins respects women. He has bad hair days, too. Not many, though.

Beverly: There's my little birthday Schmoops!
Adam: All I want for my birthday is for you to not call me Schmoops.
Beverly: Aww, you're cute. So, look, I know how much you like big Hollywood directors, like Steven Lucas and George Spielberger, so I special-ordered you this. Don't hurt your little arms. It's heavy.
Adam: My own Oscar?
Beverly: [Laughs] Read it! "Best Son". Yes, you are! And that is gonna go great with the big Hollywood-themed birthday party I'm throwing you. [laughs] Speech!

Beverly: Barry thinks I got a bigger photo of Adam 'cause he's my favorite.
Murray: Every parent has a secret favorite. Mine's Erica.
Beverly: You can't say that. I don't have a favorite.
Murray: Beverly. Come on. Come on.
Beverly: It's Adam, damn it. He's my cute little munchkin who sweats when he sleeps and then I flip the pillow over to the cool side and [Giggles] And then he whispers, "Love you, Mama," and then I just want to gobble his delicious face!

Barry: Get back here! You will pay for what your picture did!
Adam: I was just reading a book. This makes no sense!

Lainey: You don't actually like him, do you?
Erica: I don't know. He's like a cocky band nerd, but he's also honest and deep, but he also has a ponytail. It's so confusing.

Johnny Atkins: Yo. It's Johnny Atkins.
Murray: Yo. So?
Johnny Atkins: So, Erica's expecting me. Mind if I just pop upstairs, chill for a few?
Murray: Yes, very much.
Johnny Atkins: All right. Then give her this flier. Battle of the Bands this weekend. Speed Up's gonna win top prize.
Murray: Speed Up?
Johnny Atkins: My Rush cover band. Thinking Erica could join us 'cause our guitarist got arrested for selling... fudge.
Murray: Fudge.
Johnny Atkins: So good, it's illegal.
Murray: Okay. [closing the door]

Barry: Sorry, sucka! Barry's number one. The trophy's mine forever.
Adam: Cool.
Barry: Hope you enjoyed your day as "Best Son" 'cause now Mom's only gonna focus on me. Ha!
Adam: Wait. Did she really say that?
Barry: Absolutely.
Adam: Oh, my God. You literally are the best brother ever.
Barry: And the best son.
Adam: My mother's rejection of me is the most wonderful birthday gift I could ever get.
Barry: It's your birthday?
Adam: From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Barry Norman Goldberg.

Erica: I saw Johnny Atkins at school today. He told me you slammed the door in his face.
Murray: Oh, that. Yeah, I only did that because he's a piece of [bleep]. You get it.
Pops: [singsong] Gonna backfire.

Pops: It's happening.
Murray: Will you stop singing ominous warnings? It's done.
Pops: [Hums]