Geoff: 'sup, Erica? Really feeling the flock today, am I right?
Erica: Ugh. Flock of Seagulls is so last week, Geoff. We're all about Debbie Gibson now.
Geoff: But I used an entire jar of honey for this. [Bees buzzing] I've been fighting off bees all morning.

Barry: I want my own trophy 'cause I'm better than Adam at everything. Can he soothe animals with just some peanut butter and a smile? Can he eat an entire apple in just two bites? Hmm? Give me an apple right now. [Moans, groans] [Muffled] Bad start. Give me another.
Beverly: Don't waste my apples.

Barry: What is this? [gasps] "Best Son"? You gave Adam a golden trophy? That squeaky-voiced turd?

Barry: See that? Adam's photo is twice the size of ours.
Beverly: This is a misunderstanding. The photo guy made it the wrong size, and I couldn't return it.
Barry: Please. I've seen you return a dead goldfish, used ChapStick, and a bathing suit Dad wore for 10 straight days in Puerto Rico.
Beverly: That liner was destroyed. Destroyed.

Lainey: I've dated the biggest jerks on the planet. Trust me. You need to end up with a nice guy like Barry.
Erica: [gags]
Lainey: Okay, please don't gag when I mention your brother's name.
Erica: [gags]
Carla: [gags]
Lainey: Why are you gagging?
Carla: I'm sorry, but her gaggy face is making me gag.
Erica: [gags]
Carla: [gags]
Lainey: [gags]
Erica: [gags]
Carla: [gags]
Lainey: [gags]
Erica: [gags] Stop.

Pops: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Murray: I'm not letting Ponytail Johnson anywhere near my daughter.
Pops: Trying to keep them from each other is a classic mistake. It'll only make her want him more. Just like with you and Bev.
Murray: Please. You loved me.
Pops: No. I hated you real bad. Thought you were a stubborn grump. First night, I nicknamed you "El Lumpo." 'Cause you're a lump.
Murray: Yeah, yeah. I get it.
Pops: Really bad-mouthed you to everyone. Backfired big-time, so when you think about it, you're welcome.
Murray: This is hurtful.

Barry: The heck is this?
Beverly: Just a "Best Son" trophy for my real best son. Here's the truth. You are an amazing athlete with a ton of trophies. I only gave Adam one for "Best Son" so he wouldn't be jealous of your greatness.
Barry: See, this makes sense.

Beverly: Come and eat this chili I made you.
Barry: No, I'm not gonna eat a bowl of chili before I play. It'll slow me down!
Beverly: Nonsense. It'll give you strength. It's Mama's special power chili.
Barry: I don't want it.
Beverly: It's loaded with meat and beans.
Barry: I don't want it.
Beverly: It's Mama's special power chili.
Barry: I'm not gonna eat your special power chili.
Beverly: Look at the meat and beans.
Barry: I see the meat and beans. I just don't want to eat the meat and beans.
Beverly: Eat the damn meat and beans, get some power, then wash it down with some bone-strengthening buttermilk.
Barry: No milk and no chili. I have to skate for three hours!
Beverly: That's why you need the buttermilk. It coats the mouth and belly from all the power-giving chili.
Barry: [groans] No.
Beverly: There you go.
Barry: It's so beany and meaty.
Beverly: Feel the beefy power.
Barry: My tongue can't fight the beefiness.

Erica: And you, why are you even here? You're a teacher.
Mr. Glascott: I'm here to guide you away from dating Atkins. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's an adult man living amongst the student body as an undercover cop.
Carla: Like "21 Jump Street"?
Mr. Glascott: Mm-hmm.
Geoff: That makes sense to me.

Adam: [on the phone] I don't care if it'll get the other kids sick. I promised drinks with fog! Why would a clown need to see a picture of me before he agrees to come? You can't make me a camera cake? You advertise specialty cakes! Oh, you're a fraud!