Beverly: Going out of business? What could that possibly mean?
Erica: I think that means they're going out of business.
Beverly: Gimbels is the biggest shopping chain in America. That's like saying Blockbuster Video shut down, or B. Dalton Books, or Circuit City. It's impossible!
Erica: It seems possible and very much happening.
Beverly: I think you need to shut your face-mouth! I'm sorry. This is the worst day of my life.

Beverly: Why are they naked? Give them their decency! They need bulky khakis and nylon blouses!
Erica: Calm down, mom. It's just a store.
Beverly: Not to me. I've had my best memories there. Just think of all the coupons I've doubled. All the managers I've made cry. All the clothes I've worn for a decade and then returned no questions asked.
Erica: No wonder they're going out of business.

Murray: Here's the stuff. Make it good.
Adam: Wow. Where'd you score this?
Murray: My cousin Russ films bar mitzvahs for a living. He said you could borrow it.
Adam: Whoa. Wait. All this time, I've had access to high-tech Hollywood film equipment, and you've never told me?
Murray: I guess I never connected the dots.
Adam: Oh, my God. There's, like, a warm sensation inside my heart.
Murray: Don't make it weird.
Adam: It's like you're one of those dads in the stands cheering me on 'cause I'm good at athletic-sport competitions.
Murray: You made it weird. Now, just take the stuff and go.

Adam: Now that I'm a real director, I've gotta write a script and hire a crew-
Barry: And hire your leading man? You've come to the right place. And I accept your offer.
Murray: We didn't come to you, and there's no offer.
Adam: Wait. Maybe this is the one time Barry would actually be helpful.
Barry: This is the one time, bro! I've extensively studied the work of Chuck Norris and know what it takes to be a badass action star. Karate! Stunts! [groans] Acting. Surprise! Anger! Surprise! Anger! And most important love scene.
Murray: No. Please don't show us love scene.
Adam: Oh, sweet Lord.
Murray: He's never getting married.

Barry: So do I have the part?
Murray: No.
Adam: Yes.
Murray: I see what's happening. You're negotiating. I will reduce my normal fee of $1 million and will work for free. No, wait. $1,000! No. I'll pay you! Damn it. I blew it.

Beverly: Perhaps a dollop of tuna salad from the Benetton cafe will calm my nerves.
Erica: There is no cafe.
Beverly: Oh [bleep] no! I will find tuna. Give me [bleep] tuna!

Coach Mellor: Coach is here and ready for his closeup! I am your clay. Mold me.
Adam: Coach Mellor? He's our star?
Murray: Oh, yeah. I slipped him the script. He responded to the material.
Adam: Well, I guess you're my only option, so you got the part.
Coach Mellor: You honor me.
Adam: Do you know your lines?
Coach Mellor: I memorized the whole script. I love the zingers. My favorite one "See you ladle." I like how you wrote "ladle" instead of "later." 'Cause I'm a cook.

Adam: Dad, I appreciate the support, but this is still my movie.
Murray: Hey. Everyone knows that you're the creative vision behind "Recipe for Death 2."
Adam: Two? We haven't even filmed part one.
Murray: The best action movies are always the sequel, so we're just skipping ahead to the good stuff.

Beverly: This is bull corn.
Sales Associate: Okay. I'm going to have to ask you to take your business elsewhere.
Beverly: Ho-ho! You're banning me from your store? No-no, sister. I'm banning you.
Sales Associate: You can't ban me.
Beverly: Oh, I just did. You are Ban-itonned!
Sales Associate: That's not a word.
Beverly: Oh, it is now. I Bani-ton you from having the pleasure of us in your store, sucka!

Murray: I don't get it. You said you wanted my support.
Adam: I do. I-I did. I don't.
Murray: You can't give back support.
Adam: I just did.
Murray: No! You keep the support! And you're gonna get much more! I'm gonna support you but good!
Adam: Don't you dare say that!
Murray: Oh, you heard me! I'm a big blanket of support! A big blanket!